In Search of Peace
by xLady-Salvatore-Belikovax
Summary: Two years ago, in the carcrash, Lissa died. But not before she managed to heal Rose, hence making her shadow-kissed. Rose didn't runaway; she stayed and she mourned her unknowing bondmate. AU - Alternate version of VA#1.
1. Chapter 1

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

**Summary:** _Two years ago, in the car crash, Lissa died. But not before she managed to heal Rose, making her shadow-kissed. She was left to navigate the school herself, but with her best friend gone, she drew herself back from everything that had once held her interest; her friends and the parties, but most of all, the fun. She didn't runaway. She stayed and she grieved the loss of her unknowing bondmate._

I don't really know how I came up with this idea. I just did - maybe it came because I never liked Lissa? Haha, I don't know. And no offense to any Lissa-lovers, but I found her kinda boring. So I - or my mind rather - came up with an idea that pulled her out of the story, and pulled Rose out of constantly being sucked into her head.

This is an alternative version of Vampire Academy (book #1). It's a story about dealing with loss and just trying to find that little peace in the everyday life.

I hope you'll like it!

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**Chapter 1**

Two years exactly had passed by since the worst day of my life, since the day my family died, and since _I_ had died.

Okay, so the Dragomirs hadn't been my family... but they were as good as, since I never knew my own family, my own bloodline. My mother was Janine Hathaway, one of the fiercest and most renowned guardians out there. She'd left me to be raised by the Academy when I was little. My father, on the other hand... I didn't even know his name.

And ever since Lissa... I couldn't bear to face the facts yet, even after two years. She was gone and she wasn't coming back.

I'd been the only survivor in the crash.

Before that day, Lissa and I had been best friends – still were, since a part of me would always belong to her. She was a kindred spirit, even if she was the exact opposite of me in every way possible. Looks, personality, you name it. She'd always been the gentle, reasonable one; I'd been reckless and taking stupid risks, not caring about the consequences.

Ever since that day though... that reckless, attention-seeking person in me had disappeared. That part of me died with her. I'd been a total social butterfly back then, and now I was rarely even spoken to. I was the campus ghost.

I was sitting in one of the pews in the school's chapel, alone to myself, thinking about Lissa and the crazy things we used to do; about the person I used to be. The chapel was empty apart from the priest, Andrew, but he was used to me by now, so he didn't bother me much. He knew why I was here, especially today, as did all the others at school. For a reckless person I'd become pretty predictable.

But then the doors of the chapel opened, and I felt a cool breeze wave into the chamber, brushing past me. I pulled my cardigan tighter around me, as I turned to watch the newcomer. No one usually came here on weekdays – Sundays was more than enough for most of the people here. I, on the other hand, came every day for a little while. It was the only place I felt some kind of resemblance to peace.

It was a male dhampir, I noticed, who'd entered. He was pretty tall, and very well-built, clad in a long, brown coat – a duster, I think they were called. A guardian, no doubt. His brown hair was tied into a ponytail at the back of his neck, and judging by his profile, this guy could probably be very sweet and menacing at the same time.

He scanned the room as he entered – just like a guardian should – and his eyes fell on me, the only one in sight, since the priest had gone into his room just a moment ago. Surprise flickered briefly in his dark eyes, but he quickly composed himself and put on the standard guardian mask, as he went to sit down at the other side of the room. He sat a few rows ahead of me, giving me a perfect view to study him further, if I'd wanted to.

But I didn't. I wasn't interested in other people – not anymore at least. I was pretty content with just hanging out with myself and the priest, whenever he felt like talking to me. He was kind of my only friend now, I realized. It was pretty pathetic, I knew that as well, but when life gives you lemons...

I sometimes thought about running away from this place, and just leave everything behind. Note that _everything_ in reality meant _nothing_. The only one I would be leaving behind was the priest, and... well, that wasn't much to leave behind, was it? He was just some priest. I could always find another one.

The only thing that really kept me going anymore were the routines I'd started with after the accident, things that kept me focusing on nothing and everything at the same time: Running and going to church. I found peace in those activities, though that peace didn't last very long. Like everything else that was also a fleeting thing.

As I looked down on my watch to check what time it was, I noticed small, dark dots on my navy cardigan. Water. Tears. I hadn't even realized I was crying... again. Hastily I swept the tears away with my sleeve, and as I did it, I noticed that the guardian was watching me; I thought I saw concern in his eyes.

That was when I heard it - a strange noise, a deep, throat-like noise - and I quickly realized it was coming from me. I was sobbing, and I wasn't exactly quiet. The guardian had even heard me, that's why he had turned towards me.

I felt a little embarrassed, because when I looked at him again, I realized I'd never seen him around before. He was new to the school, and he probably didn't know anything about me and why I was upset. He didn't know about Lissa, and he didn't know that I'd watched her and her family die exactly two yars ago from today. If he had, he wouldn't have bothered. No one else did anymore. Everyone else had grieved and moved on already; I hadn't.

I couldn't.

They'd been my family, my life. I was even supposed to become Lissa's guardian after graduation, on request by her family and herself. Graduation was now something I dreaded.

I got up from my seat, not being able to take anymore today, and decided to just skip dinner and head back to my room. Hopefully I'd be getting some sleep tonight, but I doubted it.

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_So... this was kind of a little introduction to the story. _

What do you think? Did you like it? Have I still got the touch (haven't written fanfiction in God knows how long)?

Thanks for reading anyway, and I hope you'll review as well! I swear it just takes a second, and it'd definitely brighten up my day. :3


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

So... I just want to clear up with you about Lissa. My feelings for her - because I don't wanna bash anyone's love for her or be unintentionally mean or anything. The reason I don't really like her is because she interrupts the much-wanted Rose/Dimitri moments for me, haha. Okay, well, that's not the only reason I don't like her, but it's a part of why I feel like I feel about her. So, yeah, I didn't mean to be mean, if anyone thought I was, with what I said in the first chapter! :)

BTW - anyone here who watches **The Vampire Diaries**? OMFG is all I'm gonna say about 2x14, "Crying Wolf"... As I don't want spoilers for the show in my reviews, please message me if you wanna discuss the show with me. I'm a nice person, so I don't bite ;) I would really love to discuss the show with someone, so don't be afraid to message me! ALSO, if you wanna discuss the **TVD-books, VA-books, anything**... well, just message me away. :)

Anyway... on with this! I really wanna thank all of you who have read this story so far, and reviewed it! I was quite surprised by the amount I got on the first chapter - 12, which is more than some people ever get on their stories. So, THANK YOU EVERYONE! :D A special thanks goes to **KissOfAShadow'sAngel** for her lengthy review! It totally made my day! :D

To **Intyala**:  
I know that the absence of Lissa saddens you, but she's not really gone in this story, so don't worry! :3 Her spirit (no pun intended) still lives, especially in Rose's mind and heart. Like I stated in the first chapter, this story is about dealing with loss, so Lissa isn't going to be completely out of the story ;)

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**Chapter 2**

I didn't get much sleep. Staying awake half the night was something I'd become used to, and to the nightmares that came when I eventually did sleep. I didn't always dream nightmares, most often I just couldn't sleep peacefully; I would twist and turn every so often, making it impossible to just sleep without interruptions.

As I turned once again in bed, I looked over at my alarmclock. 4:23PM. School didn't start until 6:30, so technically I didn't have to get up at least for another hour, but I knew I wouldn't get any more sleep tonight. And it was useless to just lie there and do nothing, so I got up and splashed some water in my face in my bathroom.

The person looking back at me in the mirror looked tired; dark shadows beneath the brown eyes. I looked far from happy, more like devastated. A hollow version of the once vivacious Rose Hathaway. That was my name by the way. Rose Hathaway - the last name bearing a legacy I had yet to fulfill. I doubted I'd ever live up to the expectations people had on me, since I was "Janine's daughter". I didn't even care, really. Not anymore.

I knew it was wrong of me to feel like that, because us dhampirs had been drilled with the mantra _"They come first"_ since we were about four years old. The Moroi we were assigned to would always come first... but the only Moroi I'd ever want to protect was never coming back. She'd been ripped away from me before I'd even had the chance of protecting her. She was gone.

I pulled on my usual all-black running-attire before I went out to face the increasingly cold weather of the Montana fall.

The sun was still up, but it was starting to set on the western horizon, as I approached the running tracks. I set down my bag by one of the benches, taking a gulp of water from my bottle before I set out to run my laps.

The chill in the air stung my face, but I didn't let that stop me. I'd run in worse conditions before, without complaining. This was nothing. When I'd finished my fifth lap – having seven more to go – I realized I was no longer alone out here. That was a first; I was usually alone on the tracks at this hour. Okay, on occasion I'd spotted guardians faraway, but they were always on duty.

This one apparently wasn't.

As he approached, I recognized him as the one from the chapel the day before. The one who'd seen me cry. And like all guardians, he was oh, so fast. He easily caught up to me, but I pointedly ignored him. Not that he said anything to me, or was even about to. He just ran beside me, but a little ways off to the right.

Those seven laps made me feel both comfortable and uncomfortable, which was pretty weird. It was kind of nice to have someone else nearby, I guessed, but I'd lost my witty personality after the accident. I wasn't the same girl anymore. The old Rose would probably have said something that would make the guy smile, but this new Rose... she didn't make people respond to her, because she didn't respond to anyone.

I finished before he did, so when I stepped off the tracks, he just continued on. Though, I noticed how his eyes flickered toward me for a second as I stopped. There had been some emotion in his eyes then, but I couldn't read it. Not that I was very good at reading people anymore; I was too uninterested that my social skills had become lacking.

No wonder the priest would barely talk to me.

My day carried on in the usual fashion, starting with _Advanced Guardian Combat Techniques_. I was the first one to arrive, having gotten up earlier than everyone else, but soon after the other novices joined me and waited for Alberta – head of the Guardians here - and the other guardians who would be on duty. When they eventually did arrive, I saw that brown-haired guardian again.

_Was he following me?_

Alberta introduced him as Guardian Belikov, stating he was here to reinforce the numbers. And she said we'd better be careful around him – he was dangerous. He smiled sheepishly – a little uncomfortable, I could tell - as she praised him.

I watched him closer this time, since I could actually see his face now - my vision had been a little blurry from tears the last time, noting that he was just a little older than us. Maybe twenty-two, twenty-three. Alberta, who were in her early fifties, was praising _him_? What was he, a god or something? A young Hercules?

Sure, he looked good - like a god even (I hadn't gone blind yet) – but that didn't mean anything. Looks were definitely deceiving in his case. I guess they really were running low on guardians these days when they had to resort to some cheap foreign labor to protect the school.

I snorted quietly to myself, but apparently everyone still heard me. Alberta cast a disapproving glance my way; Belikov stared at me blankly, as did my fellow classmates. Since I wasn't used to the attention anymore, I couldn't help the blush that crept onto my face. My skin was prickling.

The moment lasted for only about a second, but it had been one of the longest seconds in my life. I even scolded myself for attracting the unwanted attention.

As class started, I really regretted having accidentally snorted out loud. Suddenly I'd become noticeable again, and I hated it. We were sparring, one on one, and I'd been paired with Mason Ashford. He was an old friend of mine, and he'd also had the biggest crush on me before everything went downhill – I didn't know about now, though, since we hadn't talked in such a long time. He'd tried to be there for me after the accident, but after awhile – a couple of months – he realized, like the others had, that I was unresponsive. He'd started to slowly detach himself from me after that. He stopped talking to me at least. Honestly, I didn't even notice the change. I was too numb then to even register it.

Today, I wasn't.

"Been training, Hathaway?" he smirked, trying to get in a hit. I managed to dodge it though, effortlessly.

"Yeah," I said, my voice low. And then I socked him in the face before he knew what was happening. He winced from the pain, but I still noticed him looking at me surprised though. He hadn't expected me to answer him.

Neither had anyone else apparently. They were all looking at me again, and once again I scolded myself mentally for my slip up. Why the hell would I snort?

Alberta's eyes were smiling at me from across the room, and I noticed that the other guardians had heard me talk as well. I looked away quickly, feeling insecurity take over, but not before casting a glance at a confused Belikov. He obviously didn't know what the sensation over me speaking out loud was about.

The class quickly went back to business, and Mason suddenly seemed even more eager to spar against me. He smiled every time I managed to dodge him, but also every time I managed to land a blow on him. He was... proud, I realized.

"Good job today," He smacked me lightly on my arm, grinning, as class ended.

I didn't know what to say, or if I even wanted to answer him. There had already been too much attention directed at me today, and this was only first period.

Damn.

I hoped my tongue wouldn't slip up again, or that word would get out that I'd talked today. I sure as hell didn't want that acknowledgment – I needed to stay as far away from the other students as possible, especially if I wanted to make my escape someday. Coasting through the middle was my game, though you could probably argue what "the middle" meant. If it meant being anti-social, well then I definitely deserved an Oscar for the Most Lame Person at school. Natalie Dashkov and Christian Ozera – a couple of royal Moroi that were practically as invisible as me – would probably give me a run for my money though. Not that I had any, really.

Did that mean I won?

I was still pondering ways to slip past the guardians though – that was the biggest obstacle. I was no vampire, like Lissa. I couldn't compel anyone into doing what I wanted them to, unless it meant me getting naked with them – which had never happened. I never let it get that far – I only ever implied it, and whoever had been my toy back then, usually didn't mind just going to second base. Not when they got to make out with a girl that had more curves than anyone else at this entire place, probably even put together.

But, like I said, I couldn't use compulsion. I had to find some other way to get out of here.

The word did get out, but it wasn't as shocking as I'd thought it'd be. There were far more interesting scandals going on, and at lunch – I sat alone – I overheard some Moroi talking about the latest one. Apparently Abby and Xander Badica's guardian had run off to marry another dhampir, and thereby leaving the ones he'd solemnly sworn to protect. It was pretty scandalous, even if it didn't sound so horrific, and if things were different I knew I'd be outraged by their behavior. They left two families unprotected, and as they couldn't even have children together, what was the point?

But since things _had_ changed, I felt relieved about it, because it dimmed down the excitement about my return from being practically mute for two years. I wasn't interested in being the social butterfly again, not when Lissa wasn't here to be my sidekick. And besides, she was kind of the person who got me into all the royal parties in the first place – wherever she'd gone, people had followed. As had I.

I sighed in relief as I picked a little at the donut in my hands, not feeling very hungry. Talking did that to you, I guessed.

The day progressed then just like they usually did for me; no one made any comment to me at all. So it was with a happy, little bliss-like feeling inside me that I entered the chapel after dinner.

I walked up to the altar and to where they had candles, which you could light in someone's memory if you wanted. It was the usual routine for me; I lit four candles, one for each family member of the Dragomirs. Lissa, Andre – her brother – and their parents. I stepped back, looking up at the mural above of who was supposed to be Jesus.

Really, it was just a guy with a beard, wearing a white robe.

I wasn't a believer, not like Lissa had been, but I still liked to think that there was something, some place you ended up at in the end. Somewhere where you'd find peace after death. Maybe it was Heaven, I didn't know, but it would be unbearable not to believe that, since Lissa had been the kindest, most compassionate person I'd ever met. She had to find peace; if anyone, she deserved it.

"I miss you." I murmured, turning my eyes down to one of the candles, the one I lit for her. "I need you here, with me."

No answer.

I sighed, feeling my heart tug a little, before I went back to take a seat in the pews.

I usually sat there for an hour or two, depending on how tired I was that day. It was part of my daily routine; Run, school, church, sleep. Over and over again. Every day I kept to the schedule.

Weekends, however, were a little different.

Saturday forenoons were spent training in the gym.

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_What are your thoughts so far on this story? You like? :)_

Next chapter, which you've probably realized, is going to feature Rose in the gym... ;)

Like I said in the AN on top, feel free to message me if you have any questions, wanna discuss VA, other stories, TVD, anything really. :)

Thanks for reading! :D And I really hope you'll take the extra second, minute, or so to push that little button underneath this AN to leave a little review. Just say hi if you wanna. I like interacting with my readers - don't let that freak you out though. xD I just think it's important that an author (which I'm aspiring to be) has some kind of communication with its readers - even if, when it's many, it can be difficult. I want my readers to feel like they're noticed, you know :)

Anyway... next chapter will be out next week! ;D


	3. Chapter 3

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

They say art sometimes imitate life...

Because of a recent event, I'll have to agree. I don't want to, but what else can I do? Monday this past week, Valentine's Day, didn't turn out the way I'd hoped it would. My grandma passed away, and even though it was expected, the loss of a loved one is never easy. Thankfully I spent the day with one of my closest friends, as my mom and brother travelled to where my grandma lived, to say goodbye. I couldn't do that; I wouldn't be able to handle seeing her like that; dead. I don't want that mental picture, so I stayed behind and hung out with my friend instead, like I was already going to before we got the call, and she kept my mind off of it, which I'm forever grateful for. Because I usually take the role of the "strong" one, you know, even if it's hard for me too.

Anyway... I have more inspiration for this story right now, as you can imagine. My other stories won't be updated at least for a few days - my priority is this one right now, because this is closer to home. Just so you know, if you're a fan of my other stories.

I would love to give some shout-outs and special thanks, but I don't have the energy for it. Not right now at least. I really just wanna update and let you read this chapter. :) But you should know that I really do read every review, and some I also answer, and that your words mean more to me than I can say here. It's kinda indescribable how happy you make me. :)

This got to be a really long chapter, and it's been a bitch to edit it... so I hope you like this! x3

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**Chapter 3**

The rest of the week passed, and every morning I ran alongside Guardian Belikov out on the tracks. And every morning I saw him during first period, because he was our new instructor. Alberta still seemed to regard him as Young Hercules, and slowly my classmates started to look at him the same way. Sure, I saw him spar against Alberta two days after his arrival – they'd decided to demonstrate some techniques for us - and even I had to admit that he was _good_. His six _molnija_ marks proved as much, though, a part of me thought, or at least hoped, they were fake. I still couldn't, wouldn't, see past the annoyance it brought me to see everyone look at him like he was the best of the best. He just got here after all.

He did take down Alberta, but she put up one hell of a fight, so I wasn't all that disappointed by the outcome. There were no question as to why she'd been appointed the head of the Guardians – she had some mad skills, even if she was one of the oldest ones still on duty. That was probably one reason as to why she got the job; she was older and wiser. She wasn't reckless, and she could keep a cool head during crises. She was an amazing guardian; I had a lot of respect for her.

And then to see _her_ making a big spectacle of this guy – his awesome skills aside – was kind of pissing me off. I didn't let it show though, I was trained enough not to let it slip, even though it was hard for me. I'd always had issues with my temper before, but for these past two years... I couldn't really remember being mad. It was kind of a haze, like a distant memory I couldn't quite recall. All I could remember was church and a lot of tears being shed.

This week felt a lot like waking up.

Thursday, the day after the fight with Alberta, I saw him in the chapel again. He was heading in just as I was on my way out – if I hadn't left then I would've missed curfew. Good thing I hadn't stayed longer, maybe he would had given me detention or something then. He seemed to be one of those people who wouldn't let you slip up unnoticed – like Stan Alto. If you did something wrong, you'd surely hear of it. Although, I still only saw _him_ during class, and then he was pretty strict. Uptight. It didn't mean he wasn't more sociable off duty though, but I seriously doubted it.

He seemed a little surprised to see me at the chapel again, but he didn't say anything. I walked past him without looking up, as if he wasn't even there. And as far as I was concerned, he wasn't.

Even though we ran together, more or less, every morning, he still didn't try to open up a conversation with me, which was fine by me. Although, to be honest, it did irritate me a little bit. Who ran beside someone for a whole week without even saying a meager "hello"? Okay, maybe he was expecting me to make the first move, I didn't know, but it still bugged me. Even I, the queen of anti-socialism, knew that you didn't usually act like that towards another person. And being Russian, foreign, wasn't an excuse, if he thought that. More than half the school had Eastern European roots, for Christ's sake. There was something off about him, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Yet.

Friday passed by in a blur - at first. We were let out early in the last class, _Slavic Art_, by Mr Nagy, which earned a lot of appreciative cheers from my other classmates. As I walked out of the classroom, I heard some of the Moroi talking about a party they were throwing in guest housing – apparently a cousin of one of them, who'd graduated last year, was visiting.

One of the girls in the group, who looked a lot like a little porcelain doll – Mia, I think her name was - glanced over at me as they mentioned it. I don't know why she did it – because why did anyone do anything? - but I just gave her my normal dead-eyes stare in return. She shrugged, if only infinitesimally.

I walked past them as I headed towards the cafeteria. Since we'd been let out a bit earlier than the other students, it was practically empty as I walked inside. It normally didn't bug me to take a table and sit there by myself, but seeing all the empty tables and opportunities in front of me now, I found myself feeling a little uncomfortable. Looking around, I saw Camille Conta and her pack of other royal Moroi – including Mia, who was actually a non-royal - sit down by a table nearby where I stood. I probably looked like a moron, with my daily donut and soda in hand. It was my comfort food, and standing there in the cafeteria, frozen by the revelation I was having, I knew that I'd really need it today.

I didn't know how it had happened, but the numbness in me had begun to fade. It felt like a tidal wave was washing over me with emotions. Suddenly I was vulnerable again, only in a different way; in the way it hurt to be an outsider.

I felt alone.

Gasping for breath, feeling the tears coming on, I ran outside the Cafeteria and into the chapel, before anyone would notice I was crying. Hand in hand with my faithful companions, donut and soda.

"Following God's path is never- Rose!" Andrew called out, surprised, as I stormed inside. He was standing up by the altar, probably preparing for Sunday's sermon. "You know food isn't acceptable in here."

But as his eyes studied me further, they quickly turned from surprise and disapproving to serious concern. He came down from the altar and walked over to me; standing still by the entrance to the chapel, shaking and clutching my comfort food in a deathly grip.

"Rose, are you okay?" He rested a hand on my shoulder in what was supposed to be a comforting manner. He looked at me levelly. "What happened?"

"Make me not feel." I whimpered, glancing up at him as if he could be my sudden savior. Like he could save me from my own personal hell. "I don't wanna feel."

If possible, his eyes got even more concerned. He led me to sit down in one of the pews nearby; sitting down next to me. "Tell me what happened."

"Nothing has happened." I told him, tears running down my cheeks. "I just don't wanna feel. I can't feel. I don't wanna hurt anymore."

"Rose," he said softly, taking the bottle from my hand and replaced it with his. His gaze was still sturdy, unfaltering. "I know Vasilisa wouldn't have wanted this for you. She'd want you to live your life, fall in love and be happy. She wouldn't have wanted the grief to take over your life."

"How do you-?"

He smiled sadly. "Because she was your friend. She loved you."

"Why did she have to die?" It was probably the one question that was always lurking at the back of my mind, and the one that most often came to my lips. And Andrew had answered this question so many times I expected him to yell at me and tell me to get over it. But he was patient with me. I wondered if that came with the job and if, like the guardians, he trained to keep a poker face on at all times.

"The Lord works in wondrous ways, I'm afraid. We don't always understand His motivations, His decisions, but we have to have faith in them nonetheless. Without faith, there would be no love. And without love?..."

"I don't know if I believe in all that."

"But I do." he said calmly. "And Vasilisa did."

I took a slow, deep breath, turning away to look up at the mural of Jesus again. How could He possibly exist, how could there even be a God, when He made me hurt like this? When He took Lissa away from the world? When He never so much as gave me a reason to believe in Him?

All He did was hurt me.

"I think He enjoys to torture people. To make them beg for mercy."

Andrew shook his head, still ever so patient. "I know you don't believe that."

"How?"

"Because you always return here, to Him."

**x x x**

I had that dream again. The dream I always had when I had nightmares. The one of the accident, when I'd seen my family die right before my eyes.

It all happened so fast. There was another car coming towards ours, and we tried to steer away from it. Our car swiveled for only a second, but before anyone had time to register it, a tree appeared out of nowhere. I remember the screams – Lissa's especially, because she was screaming _my_ name. I heard her panic, and somewhere in the middle of it all, I blacked out only to wake up to have my whole family dead around me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, clutching Lissa, frantically trying to wake her up.

_She couldn't be dead..._

And then the guardians who'd been following us in a car behind us came into view. They yelled, barked out orders, and everyone kept staring at me like I was an alien. I was told later that I shouldn't have survived – Lissa had had the best odds, but apparently, they hadn't been good enough. I had the worst ones, and everyone who knew of the details considered me as a miracle. I'd survived impossible odds.

In a different time that could possibly have been something I would be bragging about, that I was such a badass because I'd evaded the deadly clutches of Death, but considering the circumstances... I hated myself for surviving. I'd had the worst possible odds, yet I'd been the only survivor. Without even a scratch, I might add. That was what made Dr. Olendszki – the Academy's doctor - among others completely dumbfounded. I was supposed to be dead.

I woke up abruptly, sweat covering my entire body. And like every time that I had to relive that particular memory, I woke up in the middle of the night from the screams. Thank God I had my own room – since there weren't many Dhampir girls around – because otherwise everyone would know. And then there'd be gossip, and they would call me a freak.

I would be noticed.

Since I was all sweaty, I had a shower. A much-needed, long shower, because who'd want to smell like a sewer _before_ they worked out? If I'd ignored it, and just gone down to the gym later, I'd probably come out of there stinking like a rotten corpse.

Now that would be even worse a rumor.

My life was fucked up. My only friend was a priest; I had no one else to talk to. And I couldn't even properly talk to him about what bothered me, about my true feelings. I couldn't tell him how much the new guardian annoyed me, with his damn accent and overestimated skills, or that I was planning an escape in the near future. There was no way in hell that I could tell him about_ that_.

And with that frustration in me, I left for the gym a couple of hours later, yearning to turn my damned emotions into punches. As usual, I brought my music with me. Thankfully someone had the sense to rig the place with a nice built-in stereo so I didn't have to resort to my mp3 anymore – I had a feeling Alberta had something to do with that. It really put a damper on your already sour mood when you accidentally ripped apart the cord to your earphones all the time.

I put one of the CD's I'd brought with me into the stereo, letting the energy from it build up inside me before I started in on the training.

_You don't understand me,  
and you probably never will  
I got a tendency to self destruct,  
and a soft spot for the filth  
A hair trigger temperament,  
a switchblade for a tongue  
I'm a walking one-man genocide  
with a black belt in corrupt _

I started out with stretching and quickly went over to sit-ups and eventually push-ups. I did a hundred of each, though I switched of at fifty, before the real equipment got their beating. I started out with the punching bag...

_I won't bow to something that I've never seen  
I can't believe in something that doesn't believe in me  
I'm not blood of your blood, I'm no son of your god  
I've no faith in your fate  
Still I find salvation _

"Hey," a voice said from the door. I could hear a faint Russian accent. "You're going to knock it down with the rate you're going."

I stopped only for a second, turning around to see the stalker-guardian again, standing in the doorway of the gym. I briefly wondered how long he'd been standing there, watching me, but I quickly shook the thought away and didn't answer. I just began to pummel the punching bag again, taking all of my pent-up frustration and worry out on it.

He'd sounded approving, but he still came over and took hold of the punching bag. That's when I stopped altogether, and just glared at him.

_You think you have the answers to every last detail  
In your eyes, you're the victor  
In mine you've all but failed _

He'd put up the mask again, and said nothing.

"What. Do. You. Want.?" I growled, starting in on the bag again; one punch for each word. The music really set the mood for it as well; I had a no-bullshit policy when it came to after-school practicing. No one disturbed me then, not that anyone besides yours truly trained during the weekends. The novices were happy to get a break from it, and just lounged around, doing whatever the hell they wanted. Like I had once done.

But then I sort of blanked, realizing my mistake. I hadn't said that many words to anyone for two years as I had to him right now. Okay, that wasn't entirely true, but he didn't know of my past, though, so he wasn't as surprised. Not that I could tell anyway, as he still had the mask on. Maybe he had been informed after all.

"You're a good fighter," he noted.

I didn't answer.

"I've seen you during practice."

...And why was he talking to me? I really didn't get it. He hadn't bothered earlier, and besides, no one else did, except for Mason. But then I remembered that he was new here. He didn't know any better, he didn't know I was a broken, anti-social mess.

I stepped away from the punching bag then and walked over to where I'd tossed my bag. Grabbing my stuff, I just headed out of there without even a glance back. I could feel his eyes on my back the whole way, though, and I involuntarily shivered inside.

_You monkey see, you monkey do  
You're always doing what they tell you to  
You're like a puppet on a string  
You don't get it! _

Damn.

I was supposed to be there at least 'til 12PM, and it was only 10:14PM. That damned guardian had made me cut my training short. Infuriated, and having too much pride, I refused to go back in there. Instead I just headed back to my room... that is, until I remembered I'd forgotten my CD back there.

Damn it all.

As I entered the gym again, I saw his head snap up immediately - okay, I had to admit his reflexes were damned good, because I hadn't noticed him when the roles had been reversed – and when he recognized me, he just smirked. He'd been stretching as I came in.

"You came back." he said, straightening himself up.

I felt like throwing something at him.

"For my CD." I said, scowling, as I went over to retrieve it. He'd changed my Heavy Metal to some crap techno music. Good God.

He seemed to find this funny, because he was smiling. Not a full one though, it was only a half-smile. "You're welcome to stay and train, you know." he told me. "I'll even let you play your own music. At least today."

I stared at him. Who the hell did he think he was? '_At least today_'? What did he think, that we were going to be training buddies all of a sudden? I didn't even know his first name, for Christ's sake, and I was sure he didn't know mine either. The teachers only ever referred me as "Hathaway", but no one had addressed me while he'd been in the vicinity so far, so he couldn't possibly know who I was. Or maybe he did, and maybe he knew my mother, and was trying to kiss her ass by being friendly towards her daughter. Wouldn't have surprised me.

"No." I told him firmly before grabbing my CD and walking out of there for the second time today. I headed back to my room, which had been my intention the first time, and showered again. Didn't want to smell like sweat, now, did we?

Not knowing what I was going to do for the rest of the day, I grabbed my mp3 and headed outside with my diary after I was done. I was going to write in it today, only later, because that's what I usually did on my Saturday afternoons.

Ever since that day, I'd begun to realize that memories really were far too important. I didn't have many photographs of Lissa, and I often regretted not taking more when she'd still been here. A picture of her and me was actually taped on the inside of my diary. We were ten in it, and I was still rather innocent, apart from the occasional obscenity that came from my mouth. Andre, her brother, had taken the picture during one of the summers we'd spent at Court. We were at one of their Ice cream parlors; Andre had just made her ice cream so freezing her tongue got stuck (he was a water-user), and I was laughing my head off at her. It had been a neat trick, until he did the same to me.

I found a secluded spot out on the grounds, under an oak tree. Propping my knees up, I used them as support for when I was writing.

_Why must I feel this way?_

_Just make this go away_

_Just one more peaceful day _

_**Dear Lissa,**_

I'd gone to the school counselor after the accident, and as she, too, realized I really didn't want to talk to anyone about it all, she'd suggested that I could write to Lissa. We both knew that she wasn't ever going to read any of what I wrote, but it was a way of coping. It would perhaps make it easier for me. I wasn't so sure about that, it still felt like there was a hole inside of me. A big, gaping hole in my heart and soul that didn't seem to want to close. And it hurt every day.

_**This week's been a bitch. It's been two years now, since you-know-what. I miss you more than you can imagine – it keeps getting harder to accept that you're not coming back. I feel so lost. I wish you were here, you'd know the right things to say in times like this. Maybe you miss me too, wherever you are. **_

_**The priest was kind to me – he knew what day it was. Well, everyone knew. No one but me visited the chapel though – the others have already moved on, something that's a completely foreign concept to me. How can they move on so easily? Weren't you important to them, too? It feels like I'm the only one who remember you now, like maybe you were a dream all along. Am I going crazy? Some days it feels like I'm just living on the edge of insanity.**_

_**Andrew told me that you're somewhere much better than we are. It made me smile despite the tears. We never thought I'd befriend the priest, did we? That wasn't exactly the plan I had for my life. Befriending a priest wasn't on the list of things we were going to do. Violating a priest was, but that was just a drunken joke. I can still remember your face when you saw the list the day after. God, you were absolutely horrified, and I couldn't stop laughing at you. It was hilarious, and you knew that deep down. I know you did. I can't remember who's idea it was though – it was such a long time ago. A lifetime ago.**_

_**It was a real shitty day for me, Liss, but who'd expected otherwise? I shouldn't even have to write this – you should be here. My best friend shouldn't be the priest, it's supposed to be you. And I'm sorry, I shouldn't be mad at you. I know that. What's the point?**_

_**Anyway, the teachers were cool though – even Stan. Imagine that. He just gave me a glance, and didn't even bother me in class. Not that he usually does nowadays, as I've told you before. He can't punish someone who keeps themselves in line. But he had a soul that day, I swear to you. There's something good in him, deep inside, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten that Stan-special. It surprised me how grateful it made me feel. I kind of got more respect for him now.**_

_Closing your eyes to disappear,_

_you pray your dreams will leave you here;_

_but still you wake and know the truth_

_No one's there..._

_**Can you imagine what happened the next day, Liss?**_

_**I talked. I freaking talked! To Mason! It was during practice, after I'd snorted at Alberta's praise of Guardian Belikov – who's a jerk by the way – and then, when we were sparring, Mason had asked me if I'd been training. I had, and I told him: "Yeah" - can you believe it? No one else did. They were all staring at me, for a second. Seriously, one of the longest seconds in my life so far.**_

_**Belikov didn't understand though – he's new. He doesn't know who we are yet, and about you and all that. Unless he's been informed, but I doubt it. Why would they care to tell him that when I was only one student out of hundreds that he'd be seeing, and you've been gone for a long time now. They have no reason to inform him about it.**_

_I'll be gone for a time,_

_tuning out for a while_

_It's gonna look like I'm not all there_

_I've decided that today_

_seems alright to piss away_

_Ignore my empty stare_

_**He's weird, and he's actually pretty scary. He talks to me. He talked to me today at least, like I was a normal person, like I was his friend or something. I don't want any friends, not him at least. I'd rather be left alone. **_

_**Why did he talk to me? But, most importantly, why does he keep popping up everywhere I am?**_

And that's when I noticed movement in front of me. My head snapped up so fast I knew it was gonna hurt later. Dammit. I rubbed my neck, grimacing.

Belikov.

He was standing there, unabashedly, and I could see his mouth move and his eyes were solely on me. I absent-mindedly noticed they were brown; a deep, rich brown. Like chocolate.

But I didn't hear a thing out of what he was saying; I smirked internally. Well, speak of the devil and he shall appear. He motioned for me to plug my earphones out, and I reluctantly did. I would've refused if I could have, but fact still remained: He was a guardian. He could get me in trouble. And the last thing I needed was to get back on their radar as a troublemaker.

"You'll want to head back." he told me, as I pulled one of them out. "Curfew's coming around in five minutes."

_Really?_

I looked down on my watch, and shook my head. He was right. How could I have lost track of time like that? And had I really sat out here all day? I hadn't visited the chapel today... and Lissa. I hadn't lit the candles for them. Mentally, I chastised myself, which made me feel even worse than I already did.

I scrambled up from my position underneath the tree, grabbing my diary with my right hand as I went. Without a word, I proceeded to head back inside. I really had no desire to exchange words with Belikov anymore today, but then I noticed that he was following me. He was walking with me; beside me.

_What the hell?_

"I'm not blind." I blurted out harshly, stopping in my tracks a couple of yards away from one of the entrances to the school. Judging by the look on his face, I'd taken him by surprise.

"What?"

Yeah, I had no idea what I was saying either. Being a social retard for two years did that to you.

"I'm not lost either. I can find my way back inside all by myself." I told him, slowly understanding the words my mouth had spouted out at him. "I don't need anyone to help me."

"I-" He was apparently about to protest, but then he put his mask up. He stared at me blankly; emotionless. The perfect guardian. "Very well then."

He turned on his heels as I opened the door and walked inside.

* * *

_The lyrics are mainly there to show that time passes. So, it's not like this will be a regular future._

**The CD she put in at the gym was:** "The Way of the Fist" by Five Finger Death Punch

**Songs used from that album:** "Ashes" & "Salvation"

**"Why must I feel this way..."** = It's Been Awhile - Staind

**"Closing your eyes to disappear..."** = My Last Breath - Evanescence

**"I'll be gone for a time..."** = Living In A Dream - finger eleven

Honestly, I'm a bit unsure about the ending. And the diary thing... Did you like it? I might not include them if you didn't like them, or if the opinions are different, then I'll compromise and make them smaller. I just really wanna hear your opinion about this chapter, especially the diary entry-thing.

Please leave a lil review! It'll make my day! :3


	4. Chapter 4

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Yeah, a new chapter already. Yay? :)

Like I said, I've got tons of inspiration for this one right now. This chapter kind of wrote itself - some stuff I had already done, but the the majority of it just came to me today. Nice, huh?

Firstly, I wanna say thank you for all the support. It's been a weird week, and your kind words have really meant a lot to me! I wish I could say just how much, but... yeah... it's kinda hard. x3 As I didn't answer using 'review reply' this time, I figured I'd answer y'all a little quickly here.

**Twilighternproud:** Yeah, they're amazing, aren't they? They're, like, my fave Heavy Metal-band. :3 And thank you! I'm glad you like it! :D

**Intyala:** Tack! And that I can't tell you - you'll have to wait and see ;) She returned to the gym because she wanted to keep it safe from Dimitri. Didn't want him to get his hands on it; germs, steal it, destroy it. Endless possibilities there. ;) And I would've actually gone back for it, if it'd been me. x) Thank you very much! :D

**PRINCE-ASH'S-GIRL:** I'm sorry to hear about yours, too! And thank you so much! :D Your review meant a lot to me! I hope things get better with your grams.!

**Dimitrigirl27:** Thank you so much! :D And you'll just have to wait and see if you get any of that, hihi! ;D And I did watch TVD - geez, Alaric's backstabbing totally caught me off guard! I can't wait for friday (I watch it the day after, because of the time zones)! :D

**jemily23:** Thank you so much! :D I find it kinda funny that you read my story while I read yours - maybe that's just me though. Just had to say that xD And thank you again. Your review really meant a lot to me! And D/R talking - they will eventually, of course. You just have to wait and see when that happens and how that affects her life of solitude ;D

**DarknessBecomesMe:** Erm... you have no idea how much your review meant to me! I even mentioned it on my status on Facebook, because it totally made my day! x3 I'd just gotten home from seeing HP7 (second time) with an old friend, and then I see your review in my inbox - I squee'd, haha :D Thank you so so much!

**KissOfAShadow'sAngel:** I'm surprised to hear that! As you know, I was worried about the diary-thing. I didn't know what people would think of it, but I've gotten nothing but encouraging words about it, so that won't be the last one! ;D And unfortunately, he didn't, but who knows in the future! ;D

**roseskyangel, R.I.P Casey3, acr421**, **Elena Masen, Alanna-Banana1987, SKDanielle16, abbey232:** Thank you all very much! :D I'm really happy that you like my story!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

When I woke up Sunday morning, I kind of didn't feel like going to church – which was the first time in a long time I felt that way. I had a feeling that damned, new guardian would be there. I didn't like the attention he had for me; I just wanted to be invisible.

_How the hell would I be able to escape if I had a guardian who was watching me practically all the time?_

He seemed to be everywhere I was. In fact, I kind of started to suspect Kirova had something to do with it. Maybe she suspected I would do something – or maybe it was Alberta? Maybe it was both of them. All of them.

I groaned as I slumped out of bed, not bothering taking a shower before I dressed myself to go to the chapel. I'd be working out afterward, so I didn't see the point.

As I sat down in the pew I usually occupied, I immediately started looking around, hoping not to spot Belikov. And I didn't – at first. The first one I noticed was Christian Ozera, which surprised the hell out of me. I usually didn't people-watch when I was here, so I'd never noticed that he went to the church services as well. He was a royal Moroi, and a rotten egg as far as I remembered. Kind of a ghost, too, like me. I hadn't really been paying much attention to anyone for so long, I didn't know what was going on. Had he reformed or something? Or didn't he have anything better to do?

It was when I was turning back toward the priest that I saw him. Belikov. He was sitting a couple of rows in front of me, but further to the left – I usually stayed pretty far right in my pew. His face was lined with shadows, as he looked to the front, thoughtful. I wondered if he was even paying any attention to the sermon. He didn't taken communion at least – neither did I.

"Following God's path is never easy," the priest was saying. "Even St. Vladimir, this school's own patron saint, had a difficult time. He was so filled with spirit that people often flocked around him, enthralled just to listen and be in his presence. So great was his spirit, the old texts say, that he could heal the sick. Yet despite these gifts, many did not respect him. They mocked him, claiming he was misguided and confused."

I kind of tuned out after that, too preoccupied with my own thoughts. I'd heard about St. Vladimir before – the misunderstood Saint. But weren't all Saints misunderstood though? Wasn't that sort of a required trait to even be considered one? You had to be misunderstood. You had to have been faulted. But that logic said that I could very well be considered a Saint, and I sure as hell wasn't, as much as I swore. I'd probably been a sailor in a past life.

But then awhile later he said something that got my attention again.

"...and so it was with shadow-kissed Anna."

I'd heard that word before - _Shadow-kissed_ – but it was a long time ago now. The term had stuck with me, though, because it was too weird for me to forget. I waited a little, hoping he'd continue, but he had already moved on to the next part of the service. The sermon was over.

I watched as people got up and left, and then I made my way over to Andrew, the priest. I waited patiently while he was speaking to some other students, and when they eventually started leaving as well, he turned towards me. "Hello, Rose." he said with a small smile. "I didn't see you yesterday?"

"I was wondering..." I said, cutting right to the chase. Couldn't bash a Guardian in front of a priest, now, could I? "I heard you talking about Anna. About how she was 'shadow-kissed.' What does that mean?"

He frowned. "I'm not entirely sure, I'm afraid. She lived a very long time ago. It was often common to refer to people by titles that reflected some of their traits. It might have been given to make her sound fierce."

"You mean like 'Alexander the Great'?" I suggested.

He smiled. "Been getting better at your History, have you?"

I smiled timidly, and nodded. "But Anna though... who was she?"

His eyes narrowed only for a moment. "I mentioned it a number of times, Rose."

"Oh." I said, mentally chastising myself for not paying more attention to what he was saying. "I must have missed that."

He shook his head a little, a small sigh escaping his lips. Still ever so patient with me. "Come on, Rose." he said, leading me to a door near the altar. It took us to a small attic, which was a little dusty here and there. "I've got something for you. You might find it interesting."

He scanned one of the boxes by the door for something while I stood there and took in our surroundings. There was a table with no legs laying discarded in one of the corners; a chair with a tarp on it; and boxes full of old books and journals from a long time ago, judging by their appearances. This was a pretty good hiding spot actually, a place you could escape to and just be alone. The dust clearly said that no one usually came up here. I made a mental note of it.

"There you go, Rose," Andrew said a few minutes later, handing me what he'd been looking for. A book called _Moroi Saints_ apparently. "You can learn about her in here. Please let me know what you've learned later."

I nodded as we headed back down the stairs.

**x x x**

When I entered the gym later on, I saw him laying sprawled on one of the red mats we were usually sparring on in class. He had a book in his hands. In my peripheral view I saw his eyes straying away from it as I walked in; not surprised to see me this time.

_No. Ignore him. This is your time._

A moment later, my mind registered the most awful thing coming from the stereo: the damn techno music. I walked over to it and deliberately pressed 'stop'; I could feel his eyes on my back as I did it. He didn't say anything though. I continued to switch his creepy 80's CD with one of my mixed ones, and pressed 'play'.

_Boys call you sexy  
And you don't care what they say  
See every time you turn around,  
They're screaming your name _

"I take it you don't like the 80's?" he said casually from his place on the mat.

I didn't answer. And today I didn't leave the gym because he was there, like I'd done the day before – I'd had another revelation yesterday. I wasn't going to let him push me around, to deter me from my routines. I lived for my routines; they kept me sane. And no guardian – even if he was the most annoying guardian in the world – was going to make me lose the little balance I had in my life.

_Now I've got a confession  
When I was young  
I wanted attention  
And I promised myself that I'd do anything  
Anything at all for them to notice me_

I guessed he got the gist of my mood then, because he stopped bothering me. He kept quiet, reading his stupid book while I trained by myself, though I could tell that he wasn't particularly fond of my taste in music.

Seeing as I'd forgotten to visit the chapel yesterday – thanks to a certain Russian – I decided to go there after my training session and spend a little more time there today, as if I could get back the time I'd already lost with them. But not before I'd showered and changed my clothes though.

The chapel was as empty as I'd expected it to be, considering it was Sunday and people had already had their weekly dose of religious nonsense. Even though they didn't believe, they still hoped for something more than _this_ – like I did. That's why the others came here, unless they had nothing else to do or because they were being forced by their parents.

I came here to find peace.

I still hadn't found it yet though, and sometimes I wondered if I ever would. Maybe my life wasn't meant to be peaceful; I had a theory that some people were doomed to be miserable. And unfortunately, I was one of them, but I still tried to find that little feeling of peace – sometimes I did, for a little while, but sometimes it just felt like I was trudging through quicksand, sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness.

Standing before the candles, I lit four of them – like I was supposed to do yesterday, and today, only later.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit yesterday," I as much as whispered, shoving my hands into my pockets as I watched the flames dancing before me.

"I... I forgot." My voice broke. "I didn't mean to, but I... I did. I'm sorry, Liss."

Trying to swallow despite the lump in my throat, I wiped away the few tears that had escaped with my fingers. I felt like the worst friend in the world in that moment. How could I have forgotten to light her candle like that?

"I suck," I muttered to no one as I walked back to sit in the pews, only this time in the first one, right by the altar. I propped my knees up on the little bench and wrapped my arms around them, feeling a little more composed. Whole. Not like I was going to break any second now.

I didn't know how long I'd been sitting there, watching the flames, but I was so focused on my own little world that I barely registered when the doors to the chapel opened. Neither did I fully register footsteps, but I did react when I felt a hand come down on my shoulder.

"Rose," Andrew spoke very softly. He didn't want to startle me, I realized. "Are you alright?"

My eyes flickered up at him for a moment. "Yeah," I nodded and squeezed my arms a little tighter around myself, as I turned back towards the lit candles.

"It seemed like you were deep in thought."

I merely shrugged.

He told me he was going into his office after that, and if I would need anything that I should just knock on the door.

I nodded. "Thanks."

**x x x**

Monday was like any normal day. Stalked by the guardian out on the tracks in the morning, listening to his annoying accented voice during class and then being ignored for the rest of the day, albeit not while in the chapel seeing as Andrew was there. He nodded at me in acknowledgment, but didn't say anything to me. I could tell he was busy.

Tuesday, however, was a real shitty day. It was two years since the funeral had been and all throughout the day I had flashbacks to it, and I was surprised how well I remembered everything. The people, the speeches (more or less), the decorations, but most of all, the atmosphere. Since a whole royal line had been wiped out, it had been quite the spectacle. That had been the last time I'd been at Court, and thinking about the place now... it just made me sad. That particular memory clouded the good ones I had of it.

A lot of people had attended the funeral for the last Dragomirs. Hundreds, probably thousands actually, of people had been there. Royal Moroi, non-royal Moroi and dhampirs from all over the world had come to pay their respects to the family that had once been the strongest royal line. There had been a reason they had a dragon as their symbol. The king of the beasts.

It had been a sad day for everyone.

Almost every member of the other eleven royal families were there. The Ivashkovs were the family with most members – the Moroi Queen was among them. Her family sat nearest the front, and I figured her closest relatives sat around here. It was easy to find her among them, and sitting behind her I caught sight of a man with the strangest silver hair I'd ever seen. He looked a little grumpy, not too upset, and not at all like the younger guy next to him.

Maybe it was the tears in my mind that was playing tricks on me, but the guy – who could possibly be Silver Hair's son – looked completely devastated. And more or less wasted. It made me wonder if he knew them; being practically a Dragomir myself, I'd met a lot of the people they associated themselves with. He could have maybe been a friend of Andre's, but I didn't know. I'd never seen this guy at the Academy before, and I think I would've noticed him because he was actually quite good-looking. And since I'd been the female version of a womanizer, though a bit more innocent seeing as I'd never gone all the way with a guy before, I would have been all over that one in seconds.

My eyes slowly wandered away from the Ivashkovs and passed over the other royals, recognizing only a select few, which were the most prominent of the royals. Ariana Selszky was among them; a royal princess I was quite fond of. Her eyes were red-rimmed with tears, and it made my cold heart just a little, little bit warmer at the thought that maybe there was someone else who felt at least a little of what I did.

The days leading up to the funeral, that had been when my heart started closing in on itself. And when my mind had begun to keep others out; I didn't answer when people addressed me. Sometimes I did, when absolutely necessary, but otherwise I didn't say anything to anyone.

People quickly started to worry.

They tried to talk to me - Kirova, Alberta and Dr. Olendzski among others – but I didn't say much to them. If I even answered, which most of the times I didn't. They suggested therapy, but after about a month and Deirdre had only gotten out of me a page worth of lines, most of which were the same, she finally suggested the diary thing.

They actually contacted my mother, and she was there at the funeral, sitting next to me. The Moroi she was assigned to was there as well, wanting to pay some last respects, and he'd relieved her from her duties during the service so that she could be there for me.

I didn't care if my mother was there or not; I still didn't know her. And her words to me, trying to be somewhat comforting, wasn't at all that. They didn't make me feel anything; I might as well hadn't heard her speak. She might as well have been dead, too.

Just thinking about the funeral and all the tears that was shed that day, I couldn't help but let the tears come to my eyes as I sat in the chapel after dinner. I almost felt like screaming, screaming at God for making me feel like this, for him to stop it. To make me not feel a thing.

I was in the front pew again, and in the back of my mind, I registered that the chapel doors opened behind me. But consciously, my attention was at the mural of Jesus and Mary and the different angels and saints. I almost wanted to curse them - as if that would do any good – for taking Lissa away from me. But all I really wanted was to make the hole I had in my heart close. It felt like it was about to rip my heart apart.

It kept hurting, more each day, and sometimes I wondered if time wasn't supposed to make it better, easier, and not worse. Two years wasn't a lot, but you would've thought it wouldn't get worse as more time passed by. But it did though. It felt like the hole was digging itself deeper into me, if that even made any sense. That's why it was beginning to get harder to let Lissa go – not that I wanted to continue without her. There would never be a day that went by without me thinking about her and all the stupid messes we'd gotten ourselves into before, when nothing had changed. When life had been, more or less, perfect.

She'd been my best friend, and she'd been the one to talk my reckless butt into reason when things were getting crazy (though I didn't always listen – I was too damn stubborn sometimes), and she'd just generally been there for me all my life. And I was there to offer to beat up the people who hurt her, because I wasn't usually the emotionally vulnerable one out of the two of us. I took care of her; I was supposed to be her guardian. Not the other way around, though sometimes she had to kind of be my guardian instead. When I was getting out of line, that is. She saved my butt from getting expelled.

Even if I was the best novice around, I still had a temper that got me into so much trouble that if Kirova had found out about all the stuff I had done, she would've been forced to expel me. No talent in the world could excuse my past behavior.

Watching the tiny little flames flickering in front of me, I wiped the descending tears away, though that was a losing battle. They just kept on coming.

"You're supposed to be here," I said quietly, almost in a whisper. "With me."

A part of me recognized how the atmosphere changed around me in that instant; it had become eerily quiet in the chapel. It felt strange, but I didn't let it bother me though; I was going to leave in a minute anyway.

I sighed before I got up from my seat at the front and blew out the candles. But just as I was about to turn around and head out, I walked right into someone else. I could smell his aftershave, and it was a nice one, I'll admit.

Startled, I stepped back... only to see Belikov standing there.

I instantly frowned. "You."

He looked calm. Reserved. Definitely not surprised to see me here. Although, as his eyes took in my face – my tears, because they never ended – his eyes flashed briefly with concern.

"Are you okay?" he wondered, with that damn accent lacing his words.

I opened my mouth to answer him – to snap at him actually - but nothing came out. I wasn't sure what happened then, but something inside of me snapped. I broke. My body was suddenly trembling with the sobs that racked through me.

"Hey," he said, a little hesitantly. His large, strong hands came down on my arms, holding me steady. He looked at me levelly. "Shh. It's okay. Everything's okay."

A part of me took little comfort from his words, needing to feel close to someone in that moment. A connection to another person. Today had been too awful a day. And what I did next, I would've done even if he had been Stan.

I wrapped my arms around him, and I could feel just how startled he was by my sudden change in demeanor. I was as well. But after awhile, he awkwardly put his arms around me, too.

"Are you okay?" he wondered again. His voice was a mix of concern and confusion.

I didn't answer, but he didn't repeat himself again. I think he understood what I needed then.

I don't know how long we stood like that, but eventually I pulled away to look down on my watch. Curfew in ten minutes. Without a word – because what was I supposed to say to him? I still didn't like him - I walked past him and out of the chapel, without looking back.

* * *

_How many of you expected that to happen?_

Haha, nice cliffhanger, am I right? ;)

**Song:** _When I Grow Up_ - Mayday Parade (I think it kinda fits her in this story, so I wanted to incorporate it somehow.)

Please leave a lil review after you've read! It only takes a second or so, and it'd mean the world to me! :3

BTW - I am planning on doing the "Frostbite" version of this afterwards, just so you know. She has to meet Adrian, of course! ;) Are you Team Dimitri or Team Adrian? - Just curious!

Also, I realized today, that I've actually got a _nazar_ myself! :o A bracelet with 4 _nazar_-eyes. And it says "Lady" on it - a former friend of mine got it made for me while she was abroad a few years back. It's really pretty - if you wanna see it, I'd be more than happy to get a picture of it for you. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Wow. I keep getting amazed at the response to this story - seriously, you guys keep making my days brighter! :3 Thank you so, so much!

I loved how most of you answered my little question regarding what Team you're on, Dimitri or Adrian? **Swirling Mayhem** decided to ask which Team_ I_ was on, and I told her I'd answer her when I updated a.k.a here and now.

**I'm Team Both. **Yeah, I really am. **And I'm going to tell you why...** I've been Team Dimitri, like pretty much everyone else are, since the beginning. I mean, what's not to love? It's impossible _not_ to love him. BUT then Adrian came into the picture - he's my fave character - and at first I just thought he was playing with Rose, but deep down I did sense that he meant what he was saying. And he really did fall for her - and considering his past and the way he is - that's pretty big. He's been a womanizer probably all his life, but then he found someone he really fell for, who he would do _anything_ for, which I find extremely sweet. I did like how it ended, except for my guy. Goddamn, it hurt reading his last scene in Last Sacrifice. I can only hope he will find happiness in Bloodlines.

Also, I just have to say I had the BEST dream earlier today - I was up early, watched TVD 2x16 (EPIC much?), and then went back to bed and dreamt what I'm going to tell you now. I've been free this week by the way, that's why that was possible, haha. ANYWAY... I dreamt of VA! My fam was there at first, and we hid from the guardians. Goddamn, I was scared of them! For some reason I thought they were going to kill us? Doesn't make any sense. Wasn't as if I was a Strigoi or had committed high treason. That didn't make any sense, but anyway later, we got away - don't remember how - and Christian was there! And we watched as Lissa kissed some other dude - obviously time had passed, and people had moved on without us - and for some reason I have a feeling that was Ron Weasley? LMAO. But we steered clear of some other people we knew - can't remember who - but we got to a store. And we met some guy there, an employee, who was behind this counter. And we didn't know our names? It was very strange, but he told me he had the papers. And it said my name was "MorfRar Mormorsbarn" a.k.a "GrandpRar Grandmaschild" (in English), and there was a name underneath - a signature that had testified that this was who we were now? - and it said _Adrian Ivashkov_ in a really beautiful handwriting. And I felt my heart tug - I even clasped my hand above my heart - and I know I sighed: "Adrian..." - and then I woke up. XD

_Dreams are crazy, aren't they? Have you dreamt of VA before?_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Wednesday was a strange day.

First of all, it was raining, which meant I was pretty much drenched after my twelve laps around the tracks. And Belikov wasn't there to run with me either. I looked around a few times to see if I'd just missed him, but I hadn't; I realized I'd become used to seeing him out here now. It wasn't as if I missed his company or anything, but it was weird to not see him before class.

That's when I saw him again though, during first period.

In my peripheral view I saw that he watched me more than the others when we were sparring. Today I was paired off with Mason yet again. Usually I got to spar with Meredith or Ryan, neither of which I'd ever been close to. Mason I had, and considering his feelings for me before... all the more reason to talk to me.

"Don't hold back," he winked, smiling at me.

We began to circle each other.

"I never do." I muttered, striking out with my fist. He caught it with his hand, and I instinctively threw up my leg to kick him in the side. It didn't him faze him one bit, but it did make him let go of my fist, which is what I'd aimed for to happen. Mason responded my kick with grabbing my leg, and somehow slamming me down on the ground, back first. I'm not going to deny it hurt, because it hurt like a bitch, but if he had been a Strigoi, I could be dead in mere seconds. I had to keep fighting, no matter how much my back ached.

Mason was on top of me, and he was trying to get to my heart. And my throat. I guess he was trying to incapacitate me. Killing a Strigoi with something other than a silver stake would merely stun them, and it appeared to be what Mason was aiming for right now. If he couldn't get to my heart, he'd snap my neck. Or maybe bite it, in an attempt to either feed of me or, in the worst case scenario, turn me. He was faking it, naturally, but if Belikov thought it would have been a killing blow, then it'd be over.

I was strong enough to manage to roll us over, placing me on top of him instead. And struggling like crazy, because Mason was quite the fighter – just like me, it eventually ended with me coming down with my palm above his heart.

Dead.

I hadn't realized we'd gotten an audience before I jumped off him and came to my feet. People were smiling, appreciating the little display. They clapped.

"Not so tough now, eh, Ashford?" I heard someone laugh. Turning my head, I saw Eddie Castile smiling. He'd been the one who spoke up. He was another old friend of mine, and seeing my old life flash before my eyes, I realized I felt a little sad.

If things had only been different...

"Good job, both of you." Belikov nodded in approval as I turned back. He looked over at me. "Just don't let him get near your throat next time. It could be the last thing you ever do, Miss...?"

Clever. Real clever.

"Hathaway," I glared at him, my voice tight. "Rose Hathaway. And I got him, that's what matters."

His eyes, as he looked me, were indecipherable. There was no doubt in my mind that he made the connection to Janine Hathaway, my infamous guardian mother. I was her daughter. Though, if that would help my reputation or not, or earn his respect, I didn't know. Although, it still didn't matter, because I still didn't care. I didn't want to be associated with her; I wanted to be me. And I wanted to get out of here and away from this life.

Ten minutes before class ended, when we were stretching, that's when I really felt the impact the fall had had on my back. Sure, I was used to fighting rough, but maybe all the extra training I did was getting to me. Nevertheless, it had been quite the fall. Straight backwards, and Mason on top of me, still holding my leg, and I couldn't ease the fall even with my hands because I was too busy fending him off.

We were laying on mats now, and as class eventually did end, I had trouble getting up. Actually, I didn't want to get up. It hurt too much. I noticed my classmates were giving me curious looks as I remained on my mat while they were getting up and filing out of the gym.

"Laying off on the job, Hathaway?" Mason joked, his eyes gleaming with amusement on my expense, as he walked past me. He didn't know my back hurt, though, so I wasn't mad at him. And besides, he hadn't meant for it to happen anyway. If I was mad at anyone, it I was at myself for getting into such a stupid position in the first place. Mason could be really resourceful sometimes.

I didn't answer him and just stayed on the floor. I'd thought everyone had left the gym until I heard someone approach.

"How's your back?"

I turned my head to see Belikov watching me. He was the only one in sight.

"Fine." I muttered, frowning.

He raised an eyebrow at me - in a really cool way, I might add. How did he do that?

"Are you sure? It was quite the fall."

I glared up at him, still laying on the floor of the gym.

"Let me help you up at least." He extended his hand towards me. I thought about not taking it at first, but eventually I did, albeit hesitantly.

"Fuck!" I screamed as he dragged me to my feet.

He raised his eyebrow again. "You sure you're fine?"

I glared at him, but didn't move.

"Come on, we're going to the infirmary." He inclined his head towards the door.

"No, we're not." I said defiantly, taking a step away from him. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"You're being unreasonable." he said. "You need to go check it out. "

With a couple of more protests, I found myself walking into the school's infirmary – Belikov in tow – about ten minutes later.

"Ah, Rose," Dr. Olendszki – a middle-aged Moroi – said with a fond smile. She looked up from some papers she'd been shuffling around on her desk. "How are you, dear?"

I shrugged. "Fine."

Belikov just shook his head at my attempt to get away from being examined. "She hurt her back during class."

"Ah." She frowned just slightly. "Okay, well, let me take a look."

We walked over to one of the beds, which I quite reluctantly sat down on. I glared at the stalker-guardian – his stone face showing no mercy - before the good doctor ushered him to wait outside the curtains, seeing as I had to remove my shirt.

She examined me, touching different spots on my back, checking where it hurt. She asked about how I'd fallen and such, and eventually she stepped back, removing her glasses.

"What's the verdict, doc?"

"You're going to be fine, Rose." she smiled. "Seems to me you've just sprained your back-muscles."

"I figured as much."

"I'm afraid you won't be able to train for at least a few days though."

"What?"

"Hey," she said. "We could be looking at weeks here, but I'm kindly offering you a deal. I'll give you some anti-inflammatories, and then you come back Sunday, after the service, and we'll see what to do then. Okay?"

"Sunday?"

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I trained on Saturdays...

She nodded. "You could use some rest, Rose. As much as I like seeing you around here, despite the injuries you keep inflicting on yourself, it would do you some good."

I frowned, but didn't say anything. What she said was right – I did sometimes hurt myself while training. Last time I'd been to see her, I'd hurt my knuckles.

When I realized she was expecting me to answer, I sighed. "Fine."

The corners of her mouth turned up into a small smile as she got up from the chair. "Don't go breaking anything while you're supposed to rest."

I smiled wryly before she left to attend some paperwork. And to get my drugs.

Right when I was starting to put my shirt back on, that's when I heard him.

"Rose?" He dragged the curtain aside, just in time to see me in my bra – which was black – before I tugged it down over that area. His mask was up, but there was an intensity in his eyes that, if I didn't know any better, I would've said he was checking me out. He hadn't missed the exposed skin, that much I was sure of.

"What?"

He stepped forward with a folded paper in his hands. "Here." he handed it to me. "Give Guardian Alto this, so he knows where you've been."

I looked the note over. It seemed to be in perfect order – explaining I'd hurt my back during class and that he'd followed me to Dr. Olendszki's office – which meant I wouldn't get in trouble.

"Erm... thanks." I said, frowning a little. I didn't like saying it, especially not to him, but what else was I supposed to say? Actually, I was a little confused. That's why I didn't like it. He was doing me a favor here. Stan could have a nasty bark sometimes – I knew from experience - but this would shut him up. And here I'd thought he was just like Stan...

Belikov didn't say anything, he merely nodded.

Before we parted ways outside of the infirmary a couple of minutes later, after Dr. Olendzski had come back with my medicin, he decided to talk again. "Don't forget the note."

Right, as if that would happen. It was my ticket out of trouble, for Christ's sake.

He didn't say anything else, just that, before he walked away in the opposite direction of where I was going. Deciding I didn't want to be _too_ late for Stan's class, I figured I'd just shower on my lunch break. I wasn't too sweaty, thankfully, but still. I didn't want to smell funny.

"Hathaway," Stan called as I entered the classroom. "Nice of you to join us."

In my peripheral view, I noticed how my classmates turned to look at me as I sauntered towards the front and Stan the man himself. I handed him the note I got from Belikov, which he took and quietly read before he nodded. "You may go and sit down. Right, now where were we..."

He turned to look at the whiteboard behind him. "Ah, yes. Let's say you're out late at night. Your Moroi wants to take a drink at the local club. You're a far guard, and you're on your way home - leaving the club - and you're suddenly attacked by a Strigoi. Mr. Aylesworth, what would you do?"

Startled by getting the question, Ryan straightened himself up in his seat. "Oh, erm..."

"You don't know?" Stan raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, well, you can say goodbye to your Moroi then, Mr. Aylesworth. He or she could die in mere minutes." He turned to look at the rest of us. "Does anyone know what you should do in a situation like that?"

Seeing as no one raised their hand, his eyes quickly began zeroing in on prey. Unfortunately, his eyes landed on me - probably because I'd been late for class, which I never was anymore. Maybe he suspected a relapse in behavior?

"Miss Hathaway, what would you do?"

"As a general rule, guardians keep in touch with earpieces." I answered, trying to stay cool - I wasn't really used to talking in front of so many people. Sure, I'd answered questions in class before, but it rarely happened. The teachers knew, and respected, me that much that they didn't force me to answer. I did good on my tests – I was in top of the class – so they didn't mind that I wasn't as verbal as the other students. "I would take down the Strigoi first, and then I would alert the near-guard immediately about the situation. And then it's his job to get the Moroi out of there, while I check the surrounding area for more Strigoi."

He nodded in approval.

I continued, "As the near-guard should keep regular eye-contact with the far-guard, in this case me, he or she would already be alerted to the situation, and would get the Moroi out of there before more Strigoi arrive."

"Very good, Hathaway."

I nodded curtly at him, and I could see Mason – sitting a couple of seats away from me – looking over at me with pride in his eyes again. Or that was what it looked like to me at least. His eyes were gleaming.

The lesson continued on with Stan going over different techniques in near- and far-guarding, as well as giving us different scenarios, like he had done with me. But I didn't have to answer again though, which I was grateful for.

Class eventually dispersed, and before I knew it, the rest of the school-day was over.

I was sitting in the chapel again after school, minding my own business and watching the little flames I'd lit for Lissa and her family. For _my_ family. I'd brought the book Andrew had lent with me, but I hadn't felt like perusing it just yet. Andrew had told me that there'd be information about the shadow-kissed Anna in it, and I really wanted to try and see if I could find anything about this Anna girl.

I found the passage with St Vladimir, scanning for her name. To my disappointment I only found a small passage about her. The author didn't say much, but thankfully he had included an excerpt written by someone who'd lived at the same time as St. Vladimir:

_And with Vladimir always is Anna, the daughter of Fyodor. Their love is as chaste and pure as that of brother and sister, and many times has she defended him from Strigoi who would seek to destroy him and his holiness. Likewise, it is she who comforts him when the spirit becomes too much to bear, and Satan's darkness tries to smother him and weaken his own health and body. This too she defends against, for they have been bound together ever since he saved her life as a child. It is a sign of God's love that He has sent the blessed Vladimir a guardian such as her, one who is shadow-kissed and always knows what is in his heart and mind._

I read it about four times, but I still couldn't figure it out. It clearly stated she was shadow-kissed, which if I believed what Mrs Karp – a former teacher at school - had told me, I was as well. I was like Anna, but that still didn't make any sense. It didn't explain what being shadow-kissed really meant.

After awhile I heard the doors to the chapel open, and turning around in my seat, I saw Andrew.

"Hey." I said.

"Hello, Rose," He smiled, approaching me where I sat on the front pew again. A small smile lit up his face when he saw the book in my hands. "Ah, I see you've been reading up on Anna."

He sat down next to me.

"She was his guardian."

He nodded.

"What do they mean when they say they were 'bound together'? What kind of bond are they taking about?"

"My dear Rose," he said softly, smiling. "I think you just answered your own question."

I frowned. "I don't understand?"

"They had a bond." he explained. "In old folklores, they talk about people being bonded, both in heart and mind. They could read each others' feelings, see into each others' minds."

My jaw literally dropped. "Are you serious?"

He nodded. "It's in the old stories. Some people say it's myth, some believe it to be true."

"What do you believe?"

"I haven't come across anything to contradict it."

I frowned. I didn't know if I believed in anything like that, especially because it still didn't make any sense of what the term 'shadow-kissed' meant. Andrew had told me it could just be a title to make her sound fierce. I would've had settled with that for an explanation, if Mrs Karp hadn't called me just that herself. She knew something, she knew what it meant. But unfortunately I couldn't ask her anymore, because about two years ago she willingly became Strigoi, one of the creatures I'm currently training to kill in order to protect Moroi.

She had been going crazy towards the end there, which was probably why she did it. I'd seen her with marks on her face on more than one occasion – scratch-like marks. I think she did that to herself during her episodes.

Still, I was no closer to finding out what it meant to be shadow-kissed.

Andrew excused himself before he left to go to his room. I sat back in my seat and watched the little flames again. The one I'd lit for Lissa flickered a little, almost looking like it was about to die – the others showed no sign of fading. They were still dancing happily on their wicks.

I watched it curiously for a moment, until I felt something against my ear. Cool air. Almost like a breath. Startled, I immediately looked around, thinking I'd see maybe Andrew – or even Belikov – there. Or at least someone.

But no one was there.

I was alone in the chapel.

My eyes turned back towards the candles, and they were still alight. Lissa's was dancing just like the others now, not looking like it was going to die on me any minute.

_Had I imagined it flickering?_

Frowning, I got up to blow the candles out. I really didn't feel like staying any longer, not after whatever the hell that had been, so I quickly grabbed the book and then headed back to my dorm, hoping I'd get some peaceful sleep after this crazy day.

* * *

_What did you think? You like? :)_

Good God, now I need to sleep. It's almost 4AM, haha! - And I'll get to posting the pic of my nazar bracelet in the next chapter! :D

Nighty y'all, and until next time! ;3

**PS.** _Have you seen the cover for Bloodlines yet? What are your thoughts on it?_

**ALSO...**_ What do you think of Andrew? :)  
_


	6. Chapter 6

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

So, I've been feeling a little bit stressed with this chapter, so it might be a little bit rushy... School started again this week, and this weekend we've got company over - they got here yesterday. Got a birthday to celebrate so (which we're doing today). :)

I wanna give a shout-out to everyone that read & reviewed the last chapter! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! :D And I need to answer a few questions, or comments, on here:

**SilverySlyFox**: You'll have to wait and see! Christian just might make an appearance, and sooner than you think ;)

**Twilighternproud**; Can't say, sorry ;)

**jemily23**; It's all about the build-up - that's why Damon/Elena in TVD are so epic ;3 For her to completely open up right-away - or Dimitri for that matter - isn't realistic, which is what I'm trying to achieve here. Build-up is always fun! :)

**Dimitrigirl27**; Omg yes, that episode was crazy! I so can't wait for April 8th (when it airs in the US, it's like 3-4AM over here... so I watch it on Fridays)! :D

**DarknessBecomesMe**; Well, I love Vampire Academy, obviously. Then we have Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Star Wars, X-Men, Harry Potter, Hex, Underworld, Matrix, The Host (by SMeyer)... erm. Twilight, though I'm not really a big fan of it anymore (but I have lots of Twifics on my account here, which I'm planning to finish, so...). Lord of the Rings... erm. And TONS more, really, but it's hard to think of them all. I'm kind of a nerd, so I belong to a lot of fandoms x3 And I love talking about my fandoms as well, so just message me! ;D And yeah, my birthday's August 30th, so I'm totally gonna wish for them both! ;3 And I'm happy you like Andrew :)

I only mentioned you guys 'cause there was something I wanted to address in your reviews. But I read everyone else's as well, of course, and they mean a lot to me, too! Just 'cause I don't mention you here, it doesn't mean anything. I'm very happy to read your reviews as well! Thank you! :D

Anyway... ENJOY! And have a good weekend!

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Ugh.

The days that lead up to Sunday were some of the worst days in my life. Not being able to train, to burn off some frustration and anger, was probably the worst punishment I'd ever received. I wasn't allowed to spar in my combat classes, so I had to sit on the sidelines and just watch as my classmates fought each other. I yearned to get in there, to blow off some steam, but Belikov kept his eyes on me. I think he sensed my frustration.

Not being able to do my routines properly was killing me. I wasn't allowed to run in the mornings either, so my whole morning schedule was messed up. What was I supposed to do now when I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep?

I walked outside and over to the tracks, because I figured, I was supposed to be here now, so why wouldn't I be? But as I couldn't run, I settled with sitting on the bleachers, watching the sun go down in the Western horizon. It wasn't something I usually got to do, seeing as my focus was elsewhere. I wrapped my jacket a little tighter to myself, crossing my arms, to keep up the warmth. You could definitely tell winter was approaching.

After awhile I saw Belikov walk up to me – well, he was dropping off his bag nearby where I sat.

"Good morning," he said politely, glancing up at me.

I nodded in acknowledgment.

Without another word passing between us, he set off to run around his laps. I watched him start off kind of slow and then running faster and faster until he found a good pace that suited him. Wishing I could join him, I sighed.

Damn.

Why did I have to hurt my back?

As Belikov eventually finished, he came back towards me, taking out a water bottle - similar to mine actually - from his bag. He took a gulp of water from it. Or that's what I assumed it was anyway.

He glanced over at me again as he picked up his bag and slumped it over his shoulder. "How's your back today?"

I shrugged.

He studied me for a moment longer.

"I'll see you in class," he said eventually, readjusting his bag before he left the tracks.

**x x x**

The next day was just like the day before. I woke up early, went out to the tracks, threatened to freeze my butt to death, and watched Belikov run his morning laps.

I was starting to see why people looked at him with respect; if anything, he was dedicated. He had his routines, just like me, which was something I had to respect. Although, I didn't know what his motives for them were; mine was the quest for some peace, both in heart and mind. So, was he also looking for it, or was he just one of those people who needed structure in their life? Like some kind of perfectionist?

This day, however, was just a tiny bit different than yesterday.

"Good morning," he said politely. It was almost like déjà vu, except for...

"Morning," I murmured, wringing my hands because of the chilly morning air around us.

He glanced up at me – I don't think he expected me to answer him – with an expression I didn't know what to make of. He seemed... happy? I was talking to him – politely, I might add. I hadn't snapped at him or said something rude. Or maybe it was some weird mixture of relief and surprise I was seeing?

But he didn't say anything else, he just started with his laps.

As he finished, he came over to get his bottle out from the bag. Just like yesterday, he'd put it near me. I was sitting three rows up on the bleachers, and he had his bag right in front of me, but on the first row. Maybe he did it to make sure no one took it? Or maybe to see if I would do something to it?

Or maybe I was just a little paranoid.

He took a big gulp of water and his brown eyes locked with mine as his head rose with the motion. For a second there I couldn't do anything but stare at him, but then as I realized what I was doing, I turned my head down to my red, freezing hands.

_What the... hell was that?_

"See you in class."

I looked back up only to see his back retreating, his black training bag hanging over his shoulder.

My combat classes were just like the day before though; me on the sidelines, wishing I could just get out there and hit someone, or something. Anything. And Belikov glancing at me in his peripheral view to make sure I didn't disobey the doctor's orders.

Damn.

Andrew noticed my frustration as I sat in the chapel that Friday. He hadn't been there when I visited the day before, so obviously he wondered what was wrong now. I told him how I'd hurt my back and that Dr. Olendszki made me stop training at least until Sunday.

"Rose, you're working yourself too hard." he said, concern lacing his gentle voice. "You need to start listening to your body."

I shrugged. My normal response to everything nowadays, it seemed.

"Rose..."

"I'm fine, Father." I said. "I'll be fine."

"Maybe you should lessen the hours you spend in the gym during the weekends?" he suggested.

"Why would I do that?"

He raised an eyebrow at me.

I sighed; I knew what he meant.

"Just think about it, Rose."

I frowned, but nodded. Although, I knew I wouldn't be cutting back on my hours whatever anyone said. Even if it was Andrew. My schedule was set, and I didn't have any intentions to mess with it. Things would just get... well, messy, if I did. I needed my hours in the gym, in order to keep me sane, so not being able to train was just cruel. Fucking torture, that's what it was.

He left a little while after that to go back to his room, and eventually I did the same.

**x x x**

Since I would first meet with Dr. Olendszki Sunday – tomorrow - I figured I'd just go ahead and write to Lissa a bit earlier in the day. And I had a lot to tell her considering the week that I'd had, so it wasn't so bad that I wouldn't get to train in the gym right now.

Seeing as last time I'd been sitting outside, I'd completely lost track of time and run into Belikov, I figured I wouldn't sit out on the grounds today. I didn't feel like facing him today.

If only I could find a place that was secluded, where I would be left alone and not be found...

I kept thinking about different places I could go to throughout the morning, but it wasn't until lunch that it hit me. The perfect spot.

The church attic.

Thankfully the church itself was empty as I sneaked inside after lunch. No one would be seeing me retreat to the attic, a place I wasn't actually allowed to visit, no matter how much time I spent in the church. It was off-limits for everyone but the priest, and well, the school's staff, of course. Although, they had no reason to go up there. Even Andrew, the priest himself, rarely did it. The attic had been rather dusty when he showed me the place and gave me that book about different Moroi saints.

And it proved to be still just as dusty when I climbed the small staircase and entered the little room that stored old, broken furniture and ancient documents. There wasn't any proper light, no lamp I could light – although, that would be bad because it could possibly alert Andrew that I was up here. The only light that filled the room – not even the whole room – was the window on the opposite side of the door.

I walked over, my eyes on the floor so I wouldn't accidentally step on anything (like a dead rat or bird or something), and plopped myself down on the window seat. Surprisingly, it wasn't at all dusty.

Weird.

**Liss,**

**This week's been hell, too. I haven't trained – I hurt my back Wednesday, and Dr. Olendszki told me I have to rest at least 'til Sunday, a.k.a. tomorrow. Sure, I get it. I train myself too hard. And I train by myself, which might not be the smartest thing, I know, but what other option do I have?**

**Monday was like any normal day, apart from dreading the next day, so it wasn't all that good – two years since the funeral, you know. That's a day I don't want to remember, because I remember everything from that day. That day stand for the one thing I don't want to think about: You're not coming back. It was final. Everyone was there, everyone were witnesses. I couldn't shake it off as something I had dreamt; as a nightmare.**

**You're not coming back.**

**I keep wondering when I'm finally going to accept it. It feels impossible to do it; it keeps hurting, Liss. I don't wanna hurt, I just want you to be here. I want to go back, and I want to die. Why didn't I die, seriously? Why was I the only survivor? It's not fair.**

**It should have been me.**

"You can have the rest of the church, but not the window seat."

I turned around in time to see Christian appear from the darkness, a smirk on his lips. His pale blue eyes were indecipherable as they watched me sit there, propped up with my diary in my lap; pen in hand.

I didn't answer him, I just turned back to the diary, resting my head against the window. Talking wasn't something I was really up to – not that I usually was anyway.

**Wednesday was weird. A lot of weird things happened**

"What are you doing here?" he wondered. "You've never come up here before..."

Actually, I had – once - with the priest. He didn't know that though.

When I didn't answer, he smirked, "Ah, I get it. You're having a pity party."

I ignored him.

**that day.**

"Too bad you didn't tell me earlier – wish I'd brought hats."

That sort of a joke might have actually made me laugh earlier, but considering who he was and who _I_ was now, I really wasn't up for it.

He sighed. "I know talking's not really your thing, not anymore at least, but you could at least... well, say _something_. I heard you've talked to Ashford, so I know you're not a mute."

So word had reached the ghosts as well. Great. I was starting to lose the Most Lame Person award here.

Surprisingly, I wanted to say something to him - to snap at him actually - but I just didn't know what to say. So, I stayed silent, involuntarily this time.

**Belikov didn't run with me that morning.**

**Oh, I forgot to tell you that I hugged him the day before – I was upset. I would've hugged anyone. And he smelled good, too. He smelled like aftershave; a very nice aftershave. It was kinda comforting actually, and I think he understood that I just needed someone to hold me. He didn't say anything, so it wasn't awkward. Not that I would have noticed though. But it was nice, I suppose.**

**Anyway, I saw him first during class. I noticed that he watched me, and he cleverly made me tell him my name. I didn't want to, but I was forced. It was during class after all; guardians and novices alike were there. I couldn't refuse. And besides, he's my teacher. He needs to know my name, even if I don't want him to. It's too personal.**

**I hurt my back while sparring with Mason. And after class Belikov made me go to Dr. Olendszki's office – that's how I was forced to stop training.**

Christian kept watching me as I sat on the window seat, writing, and he on the floor a couple of feet away. It was beyond creepy, knowing his past. His parents had been Strigoi – they turned voluntarily, trading their life and their magic for immortality. They turned evil by choice.

I knew I was safe up here, because this belonged to the church and Strigoi couldn't enter holy ground. Christian couldn't do anything to me, unless he used magic – and that wasn't allowed.

"I don't talk to psychos." I muttered to him after awhile, because it was starting to get to me. He wouldn't stop staring at me, like I was some kind of alien or something.

"And she talks!" he said in mock-surprise. "It's a miracle!"

I glared at him. "It'd be a miracle if you didn't get punched in a minute."

One of his eyebrows rose in that same, cool way Belikov's had. "Yeah, that's likely."

"What do you want?"

"I kind of asked you the same thing earlier." he countered. "This is my place. You're the intruder here."

"Shut up."

"Whatever you say... psycho."

I glared at him.

He rolled his eyes. "What are you writing anyway?"

I went back to ignoring him after that. Christian being Christian, called me psycho again, although not completely serious, I could tell. I let it roll off anyway. I didn't have the energy, nor the desire, to come up with a comeback that would promptly shut him up.

**Ugh. It's torture, Liss! I can't train, I can't run. The only thing I can do is go to the chapel, and it's actually starting to get to me. I don't know why, but it's not as peaceful there as it was in the beginning. You know when... yeah. Back then. I don't know, but there's a weird feeling I get now when I'm there, like I'm not alone. Like someone is watching me or something. I don't like it.**

**By the way, Belikov looked at me strangely yesterday. He usually has his guardian-stone face going on, but then... it was strange. I don't know what it was, but it reminded me of the old days. You know, like the guys would look at me before. Almost like that. There was some kind of intensity in his eyes when he glanced up at me, it kind of scared me. But it was compelling, too.**

**Weird.**

**But I'm gonna head off now. Need my beauty sleep, and tomorrow I'm meeting Olendszki, so I need to stay sharp. I really need to train soon, or else I'll go insane!**

**Wish me luck, Liss! xoxo**

* * *

_Couldn't leave Christian out, now, could I? ;)_

Hopefully I did him justice, as well as Rose and Dimitri. That's probably what scares me the most, that I won't do them justice and go all OOC. Okay, of course they're a little bit OOC, but that's because of the circumstances. I mean, Rose isn't exactly the same since she lost Lissa - it's kind of like what happened after Mason in Frostbite, I suppose. I mean, she got a darker outlook on life then, but this is different, though, because she was younger and it was Lissa - the one who balanced her. Her family even. This is harder to recover from, and then there's the shadowkissed thing, which I want to explore some ;)

But I've got a whole lot more in store for this story - this is just build-up! ;D

And if you wondered why I asked about Andrew in the last chapter... well, mostly I wondered because he's not mentioned much in the books, and since he's kind of important to Rose, in a way, here... I wanted to know if I did him any good. I want him to be likeable. :)

Please READ & REVIEW! Just takes a sec or so, you know! :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Gah. This chapter has been so hard to write - you can partly thank the writer's block for that. That's why this is being updated late Sunday/Monday, and not Friday/Saturday, when I usually update this story.

Have you ever (if you've got a story on your account) checked out Story Traffic? That has got to be the most confusing thing ever. I think it's cool that you can see from what countries your readers are from (comes always as a surprise! It's amazing! :D), but then... you look closely at the real story stats. Particular on a specific story. And the later/newer chapters have more visitors that month than the previous chapters? How is that possible? I really don't get it. xD Does anyone know?

Also... I wanna thank everyone SO MUCH for reading and reviewing, and just being the best readers ever! :D

_Anyhow, questions will be answered at the bottom of this chapter from now on! :)_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Sitting through the church service that Sunday was proving to be difficult. I only had one thing on my mind, and that was my meeting with Dr. Olendszki afterwards. So, listening to Andrew preach to all the non-believers pretending was irritating me. I just wished this would be over soon so I could go and get evaluated and see if I was fit for training again.

In today's sermon Andrew was talking about another Saint – Katerina was her name – but I wasn't interested if it didn't involve Anna. That was probably the only thing that would make me listen closely nowadays. Shadow-kissed Anna, who had been St. Vladimir's – the school's founder – guardian back then.

I still didn't understand what that bond meant. Andrew had told me that it was mentioned in the old stories, that people where bonded both in 'heart and mind'. What did that mean exactly? And what did that have to do with being shadow-kissed? Were those two things connected?

But I wasn't connected in 'heart and mind' with anyone, was I?

I remember Ms. Karp telling me I was shadow-kissed a little while before she left the school to go all evil on us, but as she'd seemed a little tipsy at the time I didn't really take her word for it. I still remembered the word though. It's like when people call you a 'bitch' or something – you remember that and who said it, but you especially remember it if it's a word you've never heard before.

But if I really was shadow-kissed, then how did Ms. Karp know?

Did anyone else know?

Eventually the service ended and I could finally go to Dr. Olendszki for my check-up.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked, sitting down in the chair in front of where I was sitting on one of the beds in the infirmary.

"Been better."

She didn't miss the double meaning in my words. Her face fell just a little, because - I knew - she thought about Lissa then, too. Her eyes studied me for a moment longer before they went back to business. And I was asked to pull off my shirt so she could take a look again.

"Has your back hurt since Wednesday?"

"Yeah."

She pressed her fingers gently against the skin in the middle of my back. "Much?"

I shrugged. "Not too much."

"But it has hurt?"

I frowned, nodding.

"Did the anti-inflammatories help?"

"A little."

"On a scale of one to ten, where ten is the highest, how much does it hurt?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know. Three, four?"

She nodded thoughtfully, leaning back.

"You know, Rose," she said after a moment of silence. "I think we should wait another week."

Naturally I was about to protest, but she just held her hands up in a lame attempt to calm me down. It wasn't calming me down one bit, but I didn't say anything either.

"Take the pills as prescribed, and just be patient, Rose. You'll be back in the gym in no time."

That's what she said, yeah. Unfortunately patience wasn't really my thing.

When I climbed up the little staircase, and entered the church attic after my visit with the doctor, I – to my disappointment, because I'd wanted to be alone - spotted Christian sitting on the window seat. His head rested against the window, and he looked... well, troubled actually. But as he heard my approach, his whole posture changed. His eyes narrowed just a little at the edges, and his lips turned into a smirk.

"You again," I muttered to myself. Seeing as he sat where I'd wanted to sit, I went over to where he'd been the day before.

"Is this going to be a habit of yours, coming up here?" he wondered as I sat myself down. And looking over at him, his ice-blue eyes watching me, I saw that he was serious. He wasn't joking around, but he was also not trying to be mean. He was... curious.

I thought about it. Did I really have the energy for this today? Another couple of hours of being stared at by psychotic Christian 'Strigoi-wannabe' Ozera?

The answer was obvious. I got up from the floor wordlessly and walked towards the door, but just as I was about to open it...

"Hey," he called out. His voice was hesitant; a little wary. "I'm... sorry."

Puzzled, I turned to look at him. He wasn't serious, at least not in that way, anymore. There was something in his eyes that told me he was hesitant about what he was going to say next. Like he didn't know if he should or not.

"About the princess." he eventually explained. "I remember... how you were. Like sisters."

Oh.

Frowning, I turned my head away. My eyes were getting warm from the tears that threatened to appear, and I didn't need to have him see me tear up just because he happened to mention her. And not even by name.

"Why-?"

"I've seen you." he told me. He knew what I had meant. "I've heard you even, when you've been down in the chapel."

My eyes, trying to reign the tears in, strayed towards him for a second.

"You're miserable."

The bluntness of his words caught me off guard. His eyes met mine unabashedly, and I could see the sincerity in them, that he truly was sorry about me losing Lissa.

"I can't say I know exactly how you feel," he said slowly. "But I've... kind of been there, too, you know."

I understood that he meant his parents then, but to shield my heart from further hurt, and to keep the tears at bay, I opted for some attitude. Though it was harder to bring it out now than it had been before.

"What, is this your pity-party now?"

Christian laughed. He actually _laughed_! Somehow I hadn't thought he was capable of it, especially since it wasn't cold at all. But it wasn't so much full of emotion either, it was more a surprised kind of laugh.

"Touché."

The way his eyes had lit up then with amusement, because of something that _I _had said, it made something inside of me spark to life again. It felt good. But even though this little interaction with him had made me feel so much – more than I had expected – I didn't want to spend a couple of hours locked up in an attic with him. He was still a Strigoi-wannabe in my eyes.

I excused myself after that and went back to my room. Christian didn't say anything as I was about to leave this time; I think he understood how I felt. Surprisingly, that felt good, too, in a way.

**x x x**

The morning after – Monday – I went out to the tracks just like I had done Thursday and Friday the previous week. I wouldn't be running now either, but I would still be where I was supposed to be.

When Belikov eventually arrived at the scene, he dumped his bag where he usually did it: in front of me, two rows down. His brown eyes sought me out.

"Good morning."

"Morning," I mumbled.

And, like usual, he went off to run his laps after that. I watched how his tiny ponytail whipped from side to side as he ran, and how he eventually found his pace.

I sighed, wishing Monday was here already.

"Did you talk to Dr. Olendszki yesterday?" he wondered after he had finished, and had come over to drink.

I nodded.

"What did she tell you?"

I frowned, crossing my arms. "No training 'til Monday."

For some reason beyond me, he freaking smirked.

I glared at him, silently asking what the hell he was smirking for.

"It's not often you see such dedication to training in novices," he explained, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "I think most of your classmates would've enjoyed the vacation."

"Well, I'm not like them."

His brown eyes warmed. "I know."

"How-?"

"I'm not blind either."

The way his eyes looked at me then, it scared me, made my heart beat just a little faster. It was as if he saw right through me, like he understood the fire inside that kept me going. And as if I was the only thing there, like he didn't see anything else. And it scared me how I found myself looking right back into his warm, brown eyes.

I don't know how much time passed - it was probably only a few moments – as we remained like that; him standing down there, by his bag, watching me, and I – three rows up – meeting his steady gaze.

It was almost like we were in a little world of our own.

Like last time, I was the one who broke the connection. Instead of looking at him, and his damn good looks (I still hadn't gone blind), my eyes turned to my lap. I felt my cheeks starting to burn just a little.

I heard how he picked his bag up then, and chanced a glance at him. And I saw that he was still watching me, and his eyes... his eyes were soft.

I looked hastily away again just as he left the tracks, but not before telling me he'd see me in class, like he always did.

And then in class... I couldn't stop thinking about the way he'd looked at me. No one had really looked at me like that before, except for... Mason. It was different from the way the other guys used to look at me – that had been lust in their eyes. But the way Mason & Belikov looked at me... that was admiration, I realized.

Belikov admired me.

**x x x**

The classes up til lunch went by in a blur.

Just as I was about to round the corner, when I was heading towards the cafeteria, I bumped into someone I hadn't seen for what felt like ages.

Victor Dashkov.

He was Natalie Dashkov's father, and even though he was merely around forty years old, he looked twice his age. His skin was so pale, paler than other Moroi's, and wrinkled. Withered. And his hands were shaking as they held the cane he was leaning on. Behind him I could see his two guardians – because royals like him got two – standing ready if anything would happen to him.

He was suffering from a disease called Sandovsky's Syndrome, which was rare amongst our races. It was a degenerative disease, and Victor, now, didn't look like he had that long left. I pitied him; he'd always been kind to me in the past. He was a good man and he didn't deserve his fate.

"Your Highness," I said quietly, to be polite. He was royal after all.

"Rose." The corners of his lips turned into a small smile. "It's been awhile."

It most certainly had. Almost two years now. The last time I'd talked to him had been at the funeral – well, _he _had talked. He'd told me the customary "I'm sorry for your loss" and said if I ever needed anything he was there for me. It probably would have felt comforting if I hadn't felt so numb then. Everything had been so surreal. But the last time I'd _seen_ him had been only a couple of months ago – I usually avoided him when he came to visit because I had a feeling he wanted to see me.

I shrugged. "Are you visiting Natalie?"

He nodded curtly. "I'll be leaving this afternoon, but I wanted to see you before then, too. Luck seems to be with me today, because here you are now. How are you? How's school?"

Hmm, my gut had been right apparently. He did want to see me.

I shrugged, again. "Good."

His eyes narrowed just a little as they studied me. And then he put his hand on my shoulder. His expression was serious, but tired. His head tilted just a little to the side, and I could tell that he was concerned about me.

"I can see that you're not okay, Rose." he said, his hand resting firmly on my shoulder; I could feel it trembling just a little though. "How long have you felt, well – for lack of a better word – empty?"

I just stared at him. Speechless. What the hell kind of question was that?

"Ever since the accident?" he guessed.

His words scared me a little actually, because it sounded like he could see right through me. And Dimitri had looked at me like he could, too, earlier. What was going on? Was it wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve-day today?

I still didn't answer him.

His eyes swept over mine. I wondered what he saw then, considering his next words: "I think it's about time that someone told you what you are."

Eh, what?

"I've had my suspicions for awhile," he continued, sounding a little stressed. "But after what Natalie has told me, and the more I've thought about it, it makes sense."

"What are you talking about?" I managed to get out, even though I was still completely dumbfounded at his appearance, and especially his words.

"You're shadow-kissed." he said simply.

It felt almost like I'd been slapped in the face. There it was. That word again. And here was someone who wasn't crazy like Ms. Karp.

"Do you know what it means?" Something in my expression must have tipped him off.

I shook my head slowly. His questions – but mostly his knowledge – was unnerving.

How did he know that?

"It means you've been kissed by shadows." he told me. "You've crossed into Death, into the other side, and returned."

Maybe I'd been wrong after all. Maybe he was starting to get crazy, too.

"I haven't died." I said confusedly.

He continued as if he hadn't heard me, "Vasilisa must have been a Spirit-user. That's the only explanation."

What the hell was he talking about?

"Spirit-user?"

He nodded tiredly. "An element long forgotten. The ones who 'don't specialize' always turn out to be Spirit-users, though it is a rare thing."

"I don't understand..." I wasn't sure if I would believe him, even if I understood what he was saying. He was probably just crazy, like Ms. Karp.

"She healed you with Spirit." he said. "Vasilisa brushed Death when she brought you back and bound you to her forever."

What? Wait... Bound? As in the bond?

"Does that 'heart and mind'-bond have anything to do with being shadow-kissed?"

His eyes widened a little out of surprise; no doubt because I was familiar with the term. "It has everything to do with it."

"How?"

He paused for a second. "You will always feel her loss stronger than others, now that she's gone. It will consume you." he said wistfully, his fading green eyes looking like they were somewhere else completely now. I wondered what, or maybe who, he thought about in that moment.

"I thought you should know, especially now that Vasilisa is no longer with us." he concluded, before he started coughing like crazy and his guardians came forward and urged him to go back inside.

After Victor had left, and told me to take care of myself, I sprinted to the chapel instead of going to the cafeteria to get some lunch. This was too much for me to handle on my own. I had to talk to someone.

I pushed the door to the chapel open, and barged in only to immediately run into Andrew. He was apparently on his way out.

"Rose!" he exclaimed, startled.

"Did you know I died?" I blurted out immediately.

"What?" Andrew shot me with a confused look; he didn't. "What are you talking about, Rose?"

"I died." I stared at him wide-eyed. I still couldn't believe this. "I died in that car accident!"

"Rose... Slow down. I don't understand." He led me to a pew nearby.

"Lissa was like St. Vladimir! There's another element, called Spirit. That's what you specialize in if you don't specialize in the others... like Ms. Karp!" The pieces of this puzzle was solving themselves right in front of my eyes. One by one. "That has to be it! That's how she knew I was shadow-kissed..."

In my peripheral view I could see Andrew looking at me worriedly. He still didn't understand.

I turned towards him. "She told me I was shadow-kissed. And Vic- Prince Dashkov told me about it. He told me what it meant."

He frowned, still not following my erratic thinking. "And what does it mean?"

"That I've died, and that Lissa brought me back before she..."

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, what she had done. She'd saved my life... her last act had been to save my life, to bring me back from the dead. My life over hers.

Oh my god.

"Oh," I gasped, clasping a hand before my mouth.

_No, no, no... God no. This isn't happening... It can't be true...  
_

It felt like the whole world was pressing itself against me, my mind, so many thoughts passing through my head at the same time that I couldn't actually think. I couldn't breathe either, and it was hard to hold the tears in for long; my eyes were getting warmer by the second.

_No... I can't deal with this. Not now._

"I have class." I stood up rather abruptly. Andrew didn't seem surprised by my sudden change, but then again, he knew me. This was rather like déjà vu for us.

He nodded, eyeing me carefully - worry in his eyes - but we didn't say any parting words before I left him to his work. Why would we when we would probably see each other again in a matter of hours?

The rest of the day I walked around like a zombie, not really taking in any of the teacher's lectures or anything at all. I didn't even acknowledge when a classmate accidentally bumped into me while walking out of the last class; I didn't feel a thing. I couldn't even really think.

This news changed everything.

* * *

_You guys like? :) What did you think of Victor's appearance? Did you expect it, or not?  
_

And what about Christian and Dimitri? Do you think I do them justice? - I'd really love to know!

By the way, I've never really been at the doctor's for anything, so hopefully I manage to make it believable - do I? x3

Also, I HATE Victor Dashkov - goddamn that scene has taken me AGES to write! DX

**Twilighternproud**; No, Christian doesn't love Lissa in this story. He never got to know her, unfortunately :/

**XxMissLittleAuthorxX**; Haven't intended on having any Dimitri POVs, nope. But if you guys really want some Dimitri POVs, I'll make them for you after this one is finished, okay? :) Just request what scenes you want, and I'll be happy to write them up for you once In Search of Peace is done and the sequel is up. Sound good? :)

**RozaDimka**; The build-up's always important in a story. If you wouldn't have any build-up, then you wouldn't feel for the characters the same way when the big stuff happens. Just the way it is. Richelle built Rose & Dimitri's "relationship" in 3 books, which led up to the Strigoi-attack in Shadow Kiss, which changed everything for them. So, unfortunately, it's taking its time to get to the good stuff - you have no idea how eager I am myself to get to the big stuff! :3

**A question for everyone:**_  
Do you want Dimitri POVs of certain scenes after this story is over?_

If so, I'll let you request them after this story is over, and then I'll get to them while I'm also working on the sequel to this, because there will be a Frostbite version as well. ;)

Before I let you go about your day/night, I also wonder: **What do you think/hope will happen later on in this story?** ;) I'm just curious. :)

PS. I have another VA-story -_ Before It's Too Late_ - up now, and it'd be wicked if you checked that one out as well.! ;) It's a Post-LS story about Rose & Adrian ;3

And please leave a lil comment about what you thought about this chapter.! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

So... I know this update's taken forever. Way longer than I imagined it would take, but it's been a bit... well, for lack of a better word, hectic in the real world lately. Like I've told you earlier, my grandma passed away little over a month ago, and her funeral was this Tuesday. That was a crazy day that was full of emotions, and I've been dead-tired since. And yeah... you may take a break from the real world, but the real world won't take a break for you. That's just the way it is.

Before I let you read on... I wanna say THANK YOU to everyone that read and/or reviewed the last chapter - means everything to me, seriously! :3

This chapter starts out the same day as Victor talked to her. So, same day, just a few hours after their talk.

_Anywho... enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"Why would you do that?"

Sitting in the chapel that night, it felt like the hole was pulsing inside of me. Sadness, disbelief and wonder all eating me up from the inside, rolling over me like tidal-waves.

"You shouldn't have..." I sighed to myself, sensing the tears behind my eyes. "Why would you leave me like this? I don't understand..."

There was no use wiping the tears away once they started to fall down my cheeks. They just kept coming; there was no end to them. Gasping for air, I wrapped my arms tighter around my knees up on the pew at the front, trying to hold my emotions in. Trying to calm myself down. But it was useless; I knew it was.

I couldn't for the life of me understand why she would do such a thing... why would she bring me back if it would kill her in the process? A part of me was angry with her because it thought she'd been selfish, dooming _me_ to be alone, but another part was just sad. Sad that she was gone, sad that she wasn't coming back.

I sat in the chapel for another hour until I decided it was time to leave. I wanted to go get some sleep – not that I would get any – and just think about everything that Victor had told me earlier in the day. And besides, curfew was in ten minutes, so I had to leave anyway.

Just as I was about to grab hold of the door-handle though, it swung open. And the person that came in... well, he wasn't the last person I wanted to see, but I didn't want to see him anyway.

Belikov.

His eyes widened when he noticed me at first, but then as he took in my appearance, they quickly turned to concern.

"Rose?" he said, his voice hesitant.

He tried to reach out to me, tried to grab my arm and maybe pull me towards him, trying to replay the last time we'd been here at the same time. Okay, I didn't know what his real intentions were, but I wasn't going to find out either. I dodged out of his arms and ran out from the chapel before he was able to grab hold of me. And before he could see that I was crying again.

**x x x**

The next day I didn't go outside and watch the sunrise from the bleachers by the tracks like I usually did. I was still dumbfounded by what Victor told me the day before, and I just couldn't get my ass out of bed. I just laid there, staring up at the ceiling, my mind completely blank.

I didn't even get out of bed to go to class that morning.

I didn't go all day. I stayed in my room, not wanting to meet anyone today, but just as I was walking out from my bathroom, it knocked on the door. One, two, three quick raps. Seeing as I didn't expect anyone, I was kind of dumbfounded.

As I approached the door several options laid out before me of who it could possibly be. Alberta, Dr. Olendzski, Andrew, Belikov... But looking through the small keyhole I saw Christian standing outside my door.

_What the hell? _Definitely not anyone I would've expected.

"Rose?" he said hesitantly, eyes darting around at the door.

"What do you want?" I said as I opened the door. Surprise flashed briefly in his eyes, no doubt because I was only in a towel, but they quickly turned into their usual nonchalant stare.

"Where were you today?" he wondered.

Huh?

"Why do you care?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "You haven't skipped a day of school for about two years. I figured something had happened." he shrugged indifferently.

"I'm not a charity case." I frowned. "I'm fine, you can leave now."

"Sure," he rolled his eyes. But he didn't make a move, he just stood there, looking at me as if I was being utterly ridiculous.

I raised my eyebrows at him, shaking my head just a little, as if to say 'What are you still doing here? Go on, move!'.

He raised an eyebrow of his own, challenging me.

"Come on," he said. "You can't lie to me."

And as I looked at him - or rather, glared - I saw that he was serious. And I saw that he was right. He'd been in my situation before, maybe not the exact same one, but he'd lost someone as well. And even if his parents turned Strigoi by choice, they had still died. They had been his parents no matter what they'd done. And if I knew the story right, he didn't even know they'd been Strigoi. It had been his aunt who'd noticed what had happened to them.

He could see that I was miserable, he'd already told me that before, but now I really got it. He saw what I was, because he was it, too. He just hid it better than I did.

And so I let him in.

We didn't talk rightaway. At first he just looked around my room, which felt completely surreal to me. I hadn't had a guy in my room since... well, forever. And then it hadn't been innocent stuff we'd been doing. The last guy - I couldn't remember who the last one had been, which was kind of sad actually - hadn't been paying so much attention to what my room looked like, seeing as he'd been all over me at the time.

But Christian did.

He studied some of the books I had laid out, which were on animals' behaviour. I didn't read them very often, but sometimes on the weekend I browsed through them before I went to sleep, or when I couldn't sleep. Or when I just didn't have anything better to do.

He didn't ask about the books, and he didn't ask about the photo I had on my desk either - one with me and Lissa when we'd been twelve; another photo taken by Andre. Christian didn't comment on anything in my room, just looked around. He didn't even seem interested in my things, he just did it anyway.

While he was looking around, I went over to my closet and grabbed some clothes before I went back into the bathroom and changed. No way in hell that I would be talking to him in only a towel. Who knew what he would do, or what he'd say, if I did.

As I exited the bathroom a couple of minutes later, I drew a hand through my hair. "Why did you-?"

"Come check on you?" he turned around towards me; he'd been standing by my desk. His eyes looked right into mine, which made my heart beat just a little faster.

How could blue eyes be so scrutinizing? I turned my head away. I didn't like how watchful he was; it scared me. Maybe more than it should have. What I didn't know, though, was if it was because he was a "strigoi-wannabe" or because... well, I didn't know.

"Anyone can tell, if they remember how you were, that this isn't you." he said seriously as he approached the bed, which I'd gone to sit on; in the middle of it. But as he sat himself down by the end of the bed, I backed up to the headboard and clutched one of my pillows to me.

"It's kind of hard to outrun your past." he said wisely from where he sat.

I looked up to see him watching me.

I didn't say anything, but I think he understood that I felt the same way. It _was_ hard.

"You're writing to her, aren't you?" he said then.

I gave him a questioning look.

"Yeah, I've gone to a counselor before. She suggested the journal-thing, too, but I'm not much of a writer." he explained, waving a hand towards the journal on my nightstand. "I'm more of a doer."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "TMI." I quipped.

He smirked, rolling his eyes. "You know what I mean."

Okay, I had to know. "What's wrong with your eyes?"

He looked at me in surprise. "What?"

"They'll roll into the back of your head if you're not careful." I half-joked, but to be honest, it was just annoying to see him roll his eyes at everything I said to him.

He shook his head in amusement this time, but didn't say anything about it. And as I didn't say anything either, because I didn't know what to talk to him about - not that I wanted to, really - there was a moment of silence.

After awhile of a semi-comfortable silence, he decided to break it.

"Did you know there's been an attack near Alder?"

What? I hadn't heard anything about that.

"Alder?" I questioned, as I wasn't familiar with the name.

"It's like St. Vlad's, just on the East Coast." he explained, jumping a little where he sat on my bed, as if to try and see how comfortable it was.

I frowned at him and his behaviour. "What happened?"

"A group of Strigoi got to some Moroi family – Ivashkovs, I think they were." he said matter-of-factually. "Alder's in lockdown. Some of our guardians are going there to assess the situation."

Oh.

"Which of ours are going?"

"Well, not Petrov or Stan obviously. Mostly the new ones: Marlowe, Ivanova, Belikov..."

Belikov?

"How do you-?"

"You hear a lot of things when you don't really exist." he shrugged, but I could tell there was something he wasn't telling me about it. Something he left out, or maybe he was covering for someone? But who could that be? He wasn't popular, not in the slightest. Hell, I didn't even know why I was still talking to him. Sure, he seemed to understand how I felt, but that didn't mean we had to be buddies all of a sudden. He was still creepy.

"But why haven't we heard about it?" I wondered.

"They don't want to cause any panic."

Of course not. It was my turn to roll my eyes at something he'd said.

There was another moment of silence then, during which I pondered what he'd just told me: Guardians were leaving the school, and Belikov was leaving with them. He wouldn't be here during that time. He would be all the way on the East Coast...

That's when it hit me.

"Hey," I said, trying to sound inconspicuous about what I was going to ask, not letting the rush of the idea I got color my voice. "When are the guardians leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

Oh.

Could this work?

I hadn't expected it to be this soon, but I guess you had to use what you got. I looked over at the clock on my nightstand and saw that curfew would be coming soon, and as I looked over at Christian, I got an idea. No, not just an idea. I got a _great_ idea.

"Hey Christian..." I said slowly, letting the excitement coloring my voice now.

He looked over at me in surprise and a bit of wary, no doubt because my change in attitude towards him. "Yeah?"

"How do you feel about outrunning your past for real?"

* * *

_Didn't expect that, did you? ;)_

Seriously, did anyone expect this turn of events?

Mwhahahaha. I'm evil, aren't I? ;3

I feel like this chapter was kind of short, but seeing as the next one... yeah, it's gonna be good, peeps! ;D

PS: You wanted to see my _Nazar-bracelet_, right? I'm sorry I've kept forgetting it; after every update I've seriously chastised myself for not remembering to post it... But here you go: i223 (dot) photobucket (dot) com/albums/dd303/GrindelwaldGirl/HPIM0940 (dot) jpg

You'll have to excuse the face I pull there, I don't why I did it, so don't ask! xD And yes, I'm a redhead like Richelle, though it's not natural. I went from blond to blue/black to black, and then I settled with red ("amber" actually) and it suits me the best, so that's what I go with right now. :)

_Anywho... Please take the extra second to leave a lil comment! :3_


	9. Chapter 9

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Yes, you're getting the next chapter already... Awesome, eh? ;)

I know the last cliffhanger was pretty evil... but that's how the story goes, hehe. Anyway, I'm still overwhelmed by the response this story is getting - you guys are... so amazing! Beyond amazing even! :D Thank you so, so much! You have no idea how much your words seriously mean to me... x'3

This chapter is dedicated to: **Intyala** - because she loves this story so much and, thanks to this story, we've also become friends! :) So, this one's for you, hun!

_Anywo... enjoy~! :)_

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 9**

When I told him what I had in mind, Christian was more than just a little shocked. He hadn't realized that I wanted to get out of here, at least not to the extent that I considered to runaway from the Academy. To be honest, it was disgraceful for a dhampir to do what I was going to do now. I knew that, but I also knew that I hadn't chosen this life for myself. Dhampirs became guardians for the Moroi, but the ones – females – who had kids more often than not retired to raise them. I didn't have kids, and therefore not a real valid reason to actually quit, but I didn't want this anymore. I wanted to protect Lissa, not someone else, and seeing how things were now, being a guardian wasn't as appealing anymore.

I still trained and I studied everything my classmates also did, more than them even, but just like everything else they were distractions. They made me not think about everything that I didn't want to think about, and sometimes those activities gave me some peace. Not for very long though, that's what made me start up with the training during the weekends and the church-going. It kept my mind off other things.

Seeing as he had to head back to his dorm because of curfew, I told him to think about it. If he decided to come with me, he should come back to my room early in the morning, and if he decided against it, he better not tell anyone what I had done.

Honestly, my whole plan was based on whether or not Christian was joining in on my escape; he could compel whoever got in our way, and make them not notice us. And it was scary to leave it up to a psycho like him, but what other choice did I have? And besides, he probably wanted to get out of here as well, that's why I asked him and no one else. Not that I actually talked to anyone else, so my options were kind of limited anyway.

But it all came down to Christian now.

Sleep didn't come easily that night, and when I did eventually sleep, I had the nightmare again. It was so, so vivid... and just when the crash came, and I could hear distant screaming, right before everything turned black and I died... I woke up, covered in sweat, and to hear knocking on my door.

My heart was beating a mile a minute as I shakily got to my feet and walked over to the door. And looking through the keyhole, I saw Christian, a bag slumped over his shoulder.

I opened without hesitation and let him in.

"I'm in," was all he said before he closed the door behind him. He looked a little stressed to me, but all that changed as his ice-blue eyes turned my way and took my, probably haggard, appearance in. I was still covered in sweat, and I could feel how my tank top and shorts were glued to my body.

"Rose?" he said hesitantly.

I didn't answer.

"Hey," he looked a little lost as he stepped forwards. "Erm... don't cry."

I hadn't even realized I was crying, but obviously he could see it now. One of his hands slowly reached up to brush the tears away. His eyes met mine, and I swear that for a second there, they travelled down to my lips.

"I- I have to shower." I murmured a bit lamely, quickly diverting my eyes from his, and wondering what the hell that had been about. Had I just imagined that or had he seriously just looked at my lips?

"I'll wait." he replied calmly.

Without looking at him, or saying anything, I grabbed some clothes from the closet and then headed into the bathroom and took a much-needed shower. The water felt cool against my skin, and strangely relaxing. My muscles, that had been so tense, eased up a little from the water's touch. My mind, however, didn't relax. It couldn't. It was spinning with ideas of how Christian and I would get out of here. Mostly I was relying on pure coincidence and luck.

When I walked out of the bathroom I saw him sitting on my bed, elbows resting on his thighs and hands folded. His head had been hanging, but as I came out, his head came up again and his eyes met mine. There was a silent conversation between us; I would pack a bag while he went over to the door and peered through the keyhole, checking that we didn't get caught by anyone. Especially now that we were... well, allies, I supposed we were. It was strange how fast things seemed to change nowadays.

When I was ready to go as well, we managed to sneak downstairs without getting caught. Don't ask me how we did it, how we got past the dorm matron - who was nowhere to be seen; a miracle - but we eventually found ourselves by the door leading outside. I spotted a couple of guardians walking across the quad, in a deep conversation. Belikov was one of them, and I could feel my heart beat pick up its pace at the mere sight of him.

_Fuck, don't let him spot us_, I prayed. And just as I thought it, I saw his head begin to turn...

In a heartbeat, I grabbed Christian quickly and pushed him out of the way and against the wall by the door; out of sight. He was about to protest as I did it, but I covered his mouth with one of my hands and pressed one finger to my lips.

Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have sworn... Sorry, God.

After a couple of moments, I chanced a glance outside, still being more or less pressed up against Christian. I let out a small sigh of relief and took my hand off of his mouth. Thankfully, Belikov and the other guardian had disappeared from sight, but I was still not convinced that no one else was in the vicinity though. "Hell, we're going to have to make a run for it."

Christian furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

Before he knew what was happening, I had released him and pushed open the door. "Run!" I urged in a whisper.

I sprinted out of the building, jumping down the little marble steps out front and took off across the quad. Obviously I had taken Christian by surprise, because he didn't catch up with me until I reached the opposite building of where we'd just been. I looked around everywhere, and around the corner of the building we leaned against now. I could almost hear Christian's heartbeat next to me, it was beating that fast. He wasn't used to that much physical exercise like I was.

Seeing as I'd seen Belikov out on the quad - according to Christian he was going with the group of guardians to Alder - I wondered when they were leaving. They must be leaving soon, especially because the Academy's morning was approaching. The sun was still up for us, which made it harder for us to slip past unnoticed. Although, the only ones who were up at this hour were dhampirs - guardians. The Moroi was still asleep.

As we rushed across the grounds and towards one of the gates, I could tell that the sun was getting a little to Christian. I inwardly groaned; he wasn't any good in full-on sunlight, and that's what we'd be in for a few hours now until the sun set.

Surprisingly enough, he didn't complain about it, but I'd been around long enough to know that this was wearing him down. Needing his strength soon, for the big escape, I led us to a big oak tree nearby and out of sight, and made us rest - even though I didn't need it - for a moment in the shadows.

"I hope you're good with compulsion." I said to him, still keeping my eyes on the look-out for any kind of movement around us. The trees were silent and there were no animals nearby, of course. They didn't care much for dhampirs.

His eyes widened just a little. "What?" he said disbelief, no doubt because compulsion wasn't allowed to be practiced on others. It was considered wrong, for so many reasons, obviously. People could use it for the wrong things, like, I don't know, make a bankcashier _give_ you all the money in the bank. You wouldn't need weapons if you could compel someone into doing whatever you wanted and then forget they'd ever seen you.

Apparently Christian had never done it before, which at first unnerved me, but I couldn't let it bring me down. We'd gotten this far without getting caught, we would get out, too. I just had to focus on that, so I tried to coach Christian while we were sitting down in the shade on how I thought it was done. Like, speak softly and try to sound reasonable.

When we got to the gate, I only saw one guardian. I was sure that they were usually two out here, but apparently I was mistaken. There was no one else in sight. The guardian before us was pretty young - maybe twenty-two - and had ruffled blond hair with a kind face. When he saw us though, he, of course, got suspicious.

"What are you two doing out here?"

Christian stepped forward, and I could sense the slight nervousness in him. The guardian could, too, and quirked an eyebrow at him. "You're going to open the gate for us," Christian said in a soft, soothing voice.

The guardian's eyes glazed over just a little, but I wasn't sure it was enough. He was only dazed for about two seconds, and with the adrenaline rushing through me, I struck out with my fist, forcing as much strength into the blow as I could. It connected with his face and he was down within a second, laying unconscious on the grass.

Christian stared at me, shocked, while I bent down and started searching the guardian for his keys to the gate. After a bit of groping, I found them and ran over to the gate. It couldn't have been longer than half a minute until I ran back, having opened the gate, to Christian, who seemed a bit hesitant.

"Come on," I took his hand and began to drag him with me. Absentmindedly I noticed how warm his hand was in mine, and how soft it felt against my own skin. "We have to move."

"You forget I'm not a novice." he muttered, obviously annoyed.

"Yeah, well, right now I'm not a novice either." I snapped at him as we hurried outside the gate and began to make our way to the road up ahead. "And I know snails that are faster than you."

"Stop being a bitch," he remarked. "I know you can be nicer."

I huffed. "Excuse me for not wanting to get caught and dragged back there." I gestured wildly back towards the place we'd just come from. And as I finished talking, I saw approaching lights in the distance.

A car.

Part of me tensed up, wondering if the school had already heard of our escape. We hadn't been gone long, but the unconscious guardian by the gate would surely raise some attention - where had that second guardian been? And I was sure that within short they'd know that something had happened, and that Christian and I were missing. When the school-day started, everyone would easily figure out that it had been us that had escaped. Though, I'm sure everyone would be surprised to hear about us having run away, especially together.

The car stopped a couple of yards in front of where we were standing. It appeared to belong to an elderly couple.

"Hi," I said, forcing a smile on my face as the woman in the passenger seat rolled down her window. "Our car broke slid off the road. You couldn't take us to town so I can call my dad, could you?"

We got a ride to the bus station in Missoula, and once there, it proved difficult to shake them off. They almost wanted to wait and see so that someone actually did come pick us up. I told them it wasn't necessary, that my dad would come rightaway. It was no problem, really. They didn't seem to want to leave us alone though, so I had to fake a phone call.

I borrowed Christian's cellphone, as I didn't own one myself, and dialed Lissa's old number. And punching in those familiar numbers, my heart broke, but nevertheless I forced myself to stay in control. No one picked up, of course, seeing as the number had been disconnected long ago, but I chatted away anyway while trying not to cry.

Eventually the couple let us be and drove off, but not before we had to reassure them twice more that my dad was coming - which was a lie obviously; I didn't know my dad. But as we were alone again, just the two of us, Christian started quizzing me away: Where we were going next, if I knew someplace where we could stay, how we were getting there...

"I don't know," I said, feeling a little exasperated. "And stop talking. I need to figure out where we should go."

"You don't know where you're going?" he said in disbelief. "You didn't have a plan before you decided to get me along on this... roadtrip, or whatever this is?"

"Shut up." I snapped. "Let's just get to a bus station, alright? And we'll take it from there. Did you bring money?"

He groaned. "Don't tell me you don't have money to sponsor this crazy escape?"

I almost stuck my tongue out at him. "I have money, of course I have. Just not a lot."

He sighed heavily as we got into the first bus we'd have to take in order to take us to Minneapolis - Christian's choice for some reason. "You so owe me." he said as we sat down near the back of the bus.

"I don't owe you anything." I told him, feeling pretty annoyed. I began to regret getting Christian in on this breakout. "You decided to come along yourself, that wasn't my decision. You could've said no."

He looked at me for a few moments, not saying anything. There was something in there, in his eyes, something that told me that he had no choice but to come with me. But he still didn't say a word though, he just shook his head and fell back against the seat. He closed his eyes.

After awhile it seemed that he'd fallen asleep. I could hear soft snores coming from him, and so I took out my mp3 to occupy myself with something - thankfully I hadn't forgotten it back at school. The ride to Minneapolis would take its time after all - we would even have to switch transportation once, but not for a few hours though.

_We were the ones who weren't afraid_  
_ We were the broken hearted_  
_ We were the scars that wouldn't fade away_  
_ How did we let go,_  
_ how did we forget that we don't have to hide?_  
_ We won't believe the lies again_  
_ We won't be paralyzed_

Every once in awhile I looked over at him; still sleeping. It was so weird to see such a soft expression on his face, although I knew that people always looked innocent - vulnerable - when they were asleep. It was kind of amazing.

_We can be who we are_  
_ Now we are alive_  
_ We can fight, they cannot contain us_  
_ It's who we are_  
_ We are undying_  
_ We are forever_

When we got to Bismarck, North Dakota, it was early morning. This was the stop where we would have to switch our means of transporation to be able to get to Minneapolis - one of the stops - and I still didn't get why we were going there. All Christian said was that he knew a place there were we could stay until we knew where we should go after that. My mind was still focusing on not being detected by anyone - human, Moroi or Dhampir - and since Minneapolis was pretty far away from the Academy, I'd agreed to it.

When we got out of the bus, we quickly agreed that we both needed food. Yeah, our stomachs gave us away - although, I could tell that there was something else that Christian needed that I couldn't provide him with. I hadn't really thought about it in the first place, especially because I didn't need it myself.

Blood.

I asked him about it, but he just waved it off. He'd be fine, he said. I frowned, really starting to regret that I hadn't thought about this before. I knew I'd need a Moroi to get out, but I suppose - that deep down - I hadn't expected to get away from the Academy at all. It had just been a silly daydream.

But this was reality, and in real life we were in cold North Dakota and not in Montana anymore. Since neither of us were familiar with this town we had to ask about the way to the store. It felt stupid, but we had to do it. Food was the only thing I knew I could really provide him with; no way in hell that I'd let him bite me. Running away with a Moroi was disgraceful enough for a dhampir like myself. I didn't need a reputation as a bloodwhore as well.

It felt strange to walk through a regular supermarket, especially with the guy who was walking beside me. But it was nice somehow. The weirdness was still there between us, but it had definitely dissipated some.

"Are you okay?" he wondered, looking over at me as I had stopped in the middle of an aisle.

"I'm fine." I gave him a small smile. "This just feels... a little weird. Haven't been to a store in ages, you know."

He nodded just a little. "Well, do you want anything?"

I shrugged. "A coke maybe."

He studied me for a second, like he wasn't sure if he should leave me alone even for a second, before he slipped past me and walked over to the refridgerators where they had cold drinks. I wrapped my arms around myself as I watched him go, looking around a little, checking so we didn't run into any stray Moroi and their guardians.

Thankfully, we didn't. We walked through the store, looking at different kinds of food. And when we found something funny we'd show it to the other and then laugh at it together. Well, Christian did it the most - I think he was trying to cheer me up.

About half an hour later - both of us packed with candy bars and, just... sugar - we were back at the bus station and on our way to Minot, North Dakota. From there we would take the BNSF railway to Minneapolis. We got help once we were in Minot, a couple of hours later, by another middle-aged couple and, with their instructions, we were soon in our seats - opposite each other - just waiting for the train to departure.

I got out my mp3 again and started browsing through my music library as the train began to move. Settling for the newest album I'd put into it, I rested my head against the window and closed my eyes.

"What are you listening to?" Christian wondered after awhile; he'd been watching me of course. Like he always did.

I opened my eyes just a little, squinting at him. "Red."

"Really?"

"Yes?" I shrugged.

He looked thoughtful before he said, "I like them, too."

"Because they're a Christian Rock band?" I couldn't help but joke.

He snorted. "That was the worst joke I've ever heard." He told me, but he was still laughing at it.

I shrugged, smirking, pleased about his reaction. Once again I'd managed to make him laugh; I still had it in me.

He shook his head, still amused, and took out a bag of Skittles.

I took one of the earpieces out as he opened it. "Don't tell me you're going to eat that?"

"What?" He popped a green one into his mouth.

"Those... things." I gestured to the bag in his hands.

His eyebrows furrowed. "You don't like Skittles?"

I scrunched up my face in disgust, obviously saying 'hell no'.

He was clearly surprised. "What sane person doesn't like Skittles?" he exclaimed.

I don't know? "Me?"

"Well, you're not sane obviously." he said, a smirk creeping onto his face; his blue eyes were gleaming with amusement as he looked at me.

I didn't bother to answer him.

We fell into a pretty comfortable silence after that. I'd listen to my mp3 and Christian would munch on his nasty beans. After awhile he offered me some, obviously just to tease me, but I flipped him off and told him he better not do that again.

The train stopped in Minneapolis later that afternoon, and it seemed like he knew the city because he guided me without problem. After a twenty minute walk we stood in front of a small, white house. The garden in the front was neatly groomed, full of different flowers, none of which I knew the name of.

"What is this place?" I wondered.

"My aunt's." Christian said simply.

Wait... what?

"What?" I cried, turning towards him. We were standing on the sidewalk.

He'd led us to his aunt? Oh, fuck, that's just great. He might as well have called the guardians on us now.

"Don't worry," Christian said calmly. "My aunt's not in. She's out working."

"She's working?" I said surprisedly. As far as I knew royals didn't work... well, most of them didn't. They didn't need to with all the money they had.

"Yeah," he said, like it was no big deal. "She's a martial arts instructor."

Again, I was caught off guard. Who the hell was his aunt? She sounded cool. "Are you shitting me?" I wondered.

He rolled his eyes at my language and made his way to the door, with me in tow. "No, I'm not 'shitting' you, Rose."

"When's she coming home then?"

"Not for a few hours," he replied, getting out a set of keys in his front pocket. "We're safe."

"Yeah, well, we better not be here then." I told him firmly. "We can't let them find us here."

"Them?"

"Her guardians?" Duh.

"She doesn't have guardians."

Who the hell was this chick?

"What?"

"The Ozeras aren't exactly showered with guardians." he rolled his eyes, a dark look on his face, as he unlocked the door.

Oh.

We got inside and closed the door behind us. While I was standing still by the door, Christian slipped past me and began to turn on the lights. His aunt's home was... cozy, you could say. The inside colors were warm; brown. There were photos on the walls, some of Christian when he was younger, some of a Moroi couple I didn't know - his parents, I assumed. And then there was a photo of Christian, a little older, standing next to a Moroi woman, who, despite the weird purplish scars on the side of her face, was very beautiful. I assumed that was his aunt, because they looked a lot alike. The same black hair, the same ice-blue eyes... She could've been his older sister.

"You can take a shower if you'd like." Christian said, interrupting my reverie.

I turned my head towards him, a small grateful smile on my face. "Thanks."

He showed me where the bathroom was - upstairs, second door to the left - and everything, before he said he'd go get some things from his room and left me alone. I locked the door behind him, and walked across the cold plastic floor. It was a very nice-looking bathroom, too. It really felt like people lived here. For a moment I just sat on top of the toilet-lid, looking around, but most of all, thinking.

Where would we go after this? We'd probably have to get jobs, or something, later on. I didn't have that much on me - as a non-royal I was far from rich. How long would my money suffice? How much did Christian have? Was it enough to get out of Minneapolis? How close were the guardians to finding us? Surely they knew by now that we were missing...

The cool water felt so good against my skin once I got into the shower, and my muscles relaxed in a pleasant, welcome way. But as all the adrenaline in my body from the breakout was fading, I felt my back hurt again.

Damnit.

I wasn't sure how long I was in there, but after awhile - maybe half an hour? - I heard noises coming from downstairs. But I figured it was just Christian, he'd said he'd get some things from his room after all. I assumed they were things he was going to bring with him, so I didn't give it much thought.

When I got out of the shower, and had changed into new clothes, I took out the anti-inflammatories that Doc had given me from my bag. I'd taken it with me into the bathroom. Popping a pill into my mouth, I opened up the tap and then cupped my hands so they were full of water. And then I downed it. Hopefully its effects would kick in soon.

But then when I was about to walk down the stairs, I froze. The woman I'd seen on the photos in the hallway was standing there, unabashedly, looking right at me from below the stairs.

"Christian?" she said, confused. "Who is this?"

"Aunt Tasha, this is Rose." he looked a little shocked, but probably he kept most of it in.

_We're screwed._

"She's a..."

"Friend." I clarified.

And then a minute later the phone rang. Tasha cast a curious glance at me before she went into the kitchen to take it. "Dimka?" I heard her say into the receiver, her voice a mixture of surprise and delight, but as I didn't know what or who she meant, I kind of tuned her out. Besides, it wasn't her that had made the call - then I would've really worried. She wasn't selling us out - yet.

I turned towards Christian, who was rummaging in his backpack; looking for something it seemed. "We can't stay here." I told him.

"Why not?" he wondered. "She won't turn us in."

"How do you know?"

"Because she's my aunt?" he shook his head a little, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "She's not exactly in their good grades either, you know."

True, but nothing I could rely on.

"Well, I'm not staying." I snapped in a hushed voice, not wanting to catch Tasha's attention from the other room. "It's too risky."

Just as I finished talking, Tasha came back into the room. She didn't look all too happy, but she didn't say anything either.

Was that an Ozera-thing?

She made us have dinner with her after that. She apologized that she didn't get us anything fancier than omelettes and bacon, seeing as she hadn't expected us, but as it was real food and not anymore candy bars, I couldn't complain. It was good and I thanked her after I'd taken a second helping. Tasha just smiled and said it was her pleasure.

The way she looked between Christian and I during dinner, it felt like she thought we were more than friends. Or maybe she hoped there was something there - certainly Christian wasn't a ladies' man. Probably to her dismay, there wasn't anything going on between the two of us - he was just a friend. Well, not really that either. We hadn't known - or rather, talked to - each other that long after all.

Sometime after dinner, the doorbell rang. We'd been sitting in the livingroom and not really doing anything. It was well awkward. Dead silence, except for the TV that showed some random hospital-show; no one really paid any attention to it. Tasha seemed to realize there was no use in asking me anything, which would've been normal in any other circumstances, because I was sure I sent out the right signals, that I wasn't in the mood for the Spanish Inquisition.

She got up from her seat and made her way to the door. I could hear it opening and then some talking; much to Christian's irritation, I sneaked over to the threshold, out of sight, and listened in. Okay, I didn't really listen in on them, because as soon as I heard the voice of who she was talking to, someone with a russian accent - and someone who's voice I'd become very well used to - I froze. My heart literally stopped beating for a moment, and just as quickly, it set off at an alarming pace.

Belikov.

He was here.

I stood back against the wall for a split second before I made my decision. There was no way that I was going with him; I only had to figure out how to get out of Tasha's house without being caught. Christian wouldn't be coming with me this time; he looked at me in surprise as I rushed over to the sofa - where he sat - and grabbed my bag.

"Belikov," I mouthed to him.

He froze, out of shock, I could tell.

And just as I turned around, the Russian stood there - in the threshold - and looked down at me. If I hadn't known any better, I'd have said he looked a little relieved to see me.

"Miss Hathaway, Lord Ozera," he said politely, his eyes only diverting towards Christian for a second before they returned to me. "I've come to take you back to the Academy."

I glared at him. A part of me just wanted to attack him, but I knew I didn't stand a chance against him, not here at least. He was bigger than me, and this was a confined space. I couldn't take him on right now.

Damn.

"Tasha, I'd like to talk to Miss Hathaway in private before we leave, if that's okay?" His eyes never left my face as he spoke.

"Of course, Dimka." she replied just as her ice-blue - like Christian's - eyes drifted from him to her nephew. "Christian, I'd like to talk to you, too."

Christian met my gaze for a second before he disappeared off into the kitchen with Tasha. A part of me went out to him, because this was my doing after all, but most of me was too focused on the man in front of me. He gestured for me to sit on the sofa while he sat himself down in one of the armchairs.

"Why did you do it?" he wondered.

There was no chastisement in his voice, but I still didn't answer.

"Rose, talk to me," he said. "I'm not here to yell at you. But I do have to escort you back to the Academy, and I'm sure you know and understand why that is."

I frowned, looking down on my hands that were folded in my lap. "I don't wanna go back there."

"To the Academy?" he said calmly, softly. "Why not?"

"None of your business."

He studied me for a second, and then he said, "Sometimes we have to do things we don't like."

Yeah, thanks for that zen life lesson, but I really couldn't care less.

"So what's the reason for this rescue mission then?" I quipped. "Because you have to or because you want to?"

Yeah, I probably just put my foot in my mouth, but his eyes looked at me then with such a strange expression; his face so blank, but his eyes were still intense. Again, it felt like they were piercing mine, like he truly saw _me_.

"Both."

I swear, it was impossible to turn away from his gaze. His eyes held such power over me, they held me prisoner there. And I could swear that he had leaned just a little closer to me while he'd been talking, and that I had leaned towards him, too. We were inches apart, and without even thinking about it, I find myself looking down on his lips for a second. And when I looked up, I saw that his eyes were leaving my lips, too...

"Dimka?" I heard Tasha enter the livingroom, and immediately we both leaned back in our seats.

I still wondered what the hell Dimka meant, but I didn't dare to ask. My heart was beating faster than it should be, and I mentally chastised myself for it. What the hell was I doing? And what was he doing, looking at my lips?

"I suppose you don't have time for a cup of coffee before you leave?" Tasha wondered, a sad tone in her voice.

Belikov glanced my way and then back to her. "I'd best return them to the Academy. Some other time instead, okay?" He smiled at her.

She nodded with a smile of her own as Christian appeared behind her. He looked over at me with a slight frown on his face; I could tell that he wished he'd listened to me earlier, because then we wouldn't have been in this mess. And I could tell that he hadn't known that his aunt and Guardian Belikov were friends. He hated this situation.

I did too. As I met his gaze I gave a small shrug, letting him know I didn't have any hard feelings towards him despite the fact it had been his fault, more or less, that we were now being dragged back to the Academy. As I turned to look over at Belikov, I realized something...

Damn.

I would be back on the guardians' radar from now on.

* * *

_Intense chapter, am I right? Whatcha think? :)_

This was a looong chapter, and some of you probably thought the next few chapters would be Rose & Christian on a roadtrip, huh? x) But nope, unfortunately not - though I wouldn't have minded that - but this story isn't about that at all. There's so much more going on, and nothing of it has been revealed yet - gah! This is still a bit of build-up, but to be honest, this story is all about the build-up for the sequel, where everything will really go down. I like this build-up though... and I hope you do too :)

You need to take risks if you wanna get anywhere, you know ;) And Rose is finally taking risks by talking to people, opening herself up some, and letting things affect her. That's probably the riskiest thing anyone can do, really, to let someone else into your life...

**Lyrics:** _Who We Are_ ~ Red (from their new album, 'Until We Have Faces' - gah, such an awesome album! :D Addicted to that song there...)

And Britney Spears' new album is out as well - I'm not a big fan of her, but she has made quite a few nice songs! I'm kinda in love with "Trip To Your Heart" right now. It's awesome :)

_Anywho... please take the extra second to leave a lil comment~! x3_

PS: I've never written real action scenes before, like non-combat but still intense, adventure-kind of scenes. How did I do there? With the escape, I mean? :)_  
_


	10. Chapter 10

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Got my first flame. Okay, it was a semi-flame. Need to adress that fact: I did not copy out the way they escaped from the ski lodge. Anyone who've been wondering about that... well, I didn't. The only thing I really used from that scene was the middle-aged couple that picked them up. The idea of it. If you think about it, a couple like that... picking up teenagers... of course they'd want to know they were okay, and they'd make sure they were before they left. That's what normal people do.

And the escape was a bit different in my head from the beginning... but sometimes you need to cut some things out or change them, unfortunately.

And some thought they weren't gone long, and no, they weren't. I know that. Originally the last chapter would have been split into two, but... yeah, I wanted to give you the D/R-scene. So it felt shorter than it would have from the beginning.

Okay, a lot of you are worried that this is going to be a Rose/Christian-story... so I feel like I need to explain before I lose all of my readers. The answer to that question is: _No._ Then you might be wondering what's up with the little R/C action, or the hints of it at least? And the answer to that is: They're bonding, and Christian does find her attractive (he does compliment her in the books, about her hair at least). He doesn't have other friends in this story, and I believe that he would therefore be semi-crushing on her. She's all he's got after all, except for Tasha, but she's just his aunt and they don't see each other _that_ often. Although, the crush itself hasn't really been shown that much yet, but it will, so don't freak out. She won't be ending up with him, so chill. He's kind of the Mason in this story, alright?

Now that that's out - although I would have preferred not to spill that actually - I'll let you continue reading this story by giving you all chapter 10.

**Note:** This starts right after the previous chapter.

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Belikov made us gather our things and file out of Tasha's home rather quickly after that, and as we got outside, I saw another guardian – I didn't know his name, but he was definitely one of the new ones – leaning against a car. I supposed that was the vehicle they'd arrived in; there were no other cars in sight. The guardian's eyes lit up just a little, a smirk on his face, as he saw Christian and I walking up to him, with Belikov in tow.

"So they were here after all."

"And now they're returning." Dimitri said from behind us.

It was nighttime now, which meant the sun had long since gone down. The only light in the street was coming from the street lamps. The air was chilly despite it being a late summer night. But that would soon change...

When we were halfway across the frontyard, and before any of them knew what was happening, I'd managed to break away from the group. I headed left, grabbing Christian's arm as I went. He tugged just a little, clearly startled by my behaviour, but he quickly gathered what I was doing: Making a run for it. We had the element of surprise on our side, but they had the required speed to catch up. But before I knew it, out of nowhere, a wall of fire blazed up between us, Belikov and the other guardian. It surrounded the whole car even.

I stepped back from the fire on shaky legs. I'd never in my life seen anything like it. It roared upwards, shielding us from the guardians. There was no other options but to stare at the bewildering fire as it took up most of my view. Through the fire I could see that the guardians were looking at it as well.

Moroi wielded elemental magic but it had always been considered wrong to use it as offense, and the way Christian used his magic now – being a fire user – he was crossing that line remarkably. I wanted to shout at him, to tell him to stop, but the majority of my mind realized what he was doing.

He was creating a distraction, an obstacle, a way for us to get away from them.

Still feeling a little shocked by Christian's offensive use of magic, I started backing away even more from the fire. This was now or never, wasn't it? And if I ran, there would be no turning back. This was my life. This was my life I was currently holding - no Moroi's, even if Christian was right beside me. This was my decision, whether or not I would give everything of my old life up.

"Rose!" Belikov shouted over the raging fire wall. "Think about what you're doing!"

He was trying to stall us, and even if I knew it, something about that spoke to me. Not so much the words, but his attempts to keep me around. I'd already figured out that he admired me, although in what way I was still unsure of. Back in the house he'd told me he came here both because it was his duty, but also because he _wanted_ to bring me back. He truly wanted to see me around the Academy; around him. Maybe he, too, had become used to seeing each other out on the tracks in the morning. Whatever reason he had for wanting to have me back, I couldn't care less about. It was just the simple fact that someone liked seeing me around that appealed to me, and it wasn't just Andrew anymore.

"Don't do this," he called to me. "Don't run again."

I saw how the fire wall was beginning to flicker then. It was shrinking only to rise again, fighting to maintain its impenetrable size. And through the fire I could see how Belikov, too, had become aware of the situation.

Christian's magic was fading.

Glancing over at him, I saw that he'd stopped in his tracks, too. And I could see how it was taking its toll on him. Using all that magic was tiring, and he wouldn't be able to hold the wall up much longer. Realizing my only two options, I knew I had to make a decision now, and fast. Either I'd have to make Christian stop and let Belikov take both of us back, or...

"I'm so sorry, Christian," I hurriedly told to him, already beginning my retreat. Regret coursed throughout my body, seeing him falter, but I had no other choice. He was a liability. "I can't go back there. I'm sorry!"

And then I turned and ran.

**x x x**

Somehow I'd managed to get away from them. Somehow I'd managed to find shelter long enough for me to relax and start plotting on how I'd get away from where I currently was; in a huge oak tree in a park about a mile away from Tasha's house. It was dark and cold where I was sitting, despite it being late summer, but my jacket kept me a little bit warmer at least. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself.

I'd run headlong down the street, not daring to look back once I'd made my decison. And as I'd gotten a couple of houses down, I'd turned right and run into one of Tasha's neighbors' garden. It was late enough for most people to start getting ready for bed, so no one noticed a teenage girl sneaking into their backyards.

I had to jump over fences several times, thankfully my training had given me the agility for it, but what I hadn't prepared myself for was when I ran into a big German Sheperd in one of the gardens. My heart had stopped beating then, seeing the big brute, but the adrenaline in my body had nevertheless made me go forward. It'd been lying in its dog house, and was about to wake up just as I ran past it, but God seemed to be with me tonight. He didn't alarm anyone of my presence.

_I have to get away._

After awhile - could've been half an hour, or an hour even - of sitting there in the tree, waiting out the dark, I dared a glance at my watch. 1:09AM. Good God, it was ages until morning.

Of course, going on foot now, I would have the advantage of darkness. I could hide more easily, but then again, I stood out at this hour. There was no one else out here; I couldn't very well be walking down the street without being noticed.

"Rose," a familiar voice called nearby then. "You can come down from there."

My eyes turned down to the ground below. My heart came to a standstill then, too. Of course he was here, of course he had found me. He would always find me, wouldn't he? There was no denying it.

Belikov.

It was his frame that gave him away, if not his voice. Somehow I think I'd always recognize that voice, even in a crowd of a hundred people I'd be able to single him out. His dark eyes, shadowed even more by the night, looked up at me. There was a glint in them, like he was amused at what he was seeing.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, still sitting up in the tree.

"I've come to take you back to the Academy."

"I'm not going." I told him. "You can leave now."

"I'll wait you out then." he said, and I could see the truth of his words in his eyes. He really would wait me out, until I came down from this tree. And then he'd take me back to the school. I didn't have any chance of getting away now. I'd accidentally cornered myself.

I climbed down slowly, as a stupid, impulsive plan started forming in my mind. As soon as my feet touched the ground, I turned around and struck my fist out. But, unfortunately, Belikov saw it coming. He grabbed my fist, which made me strike out with the other one, which was a really bad move on my part. I shouldn't have done that, both because the angle was wrong and... well, it was just completely failure.

He pinned both my arms to my sides. "What are you so afraid of?" he asked - his voice full of concern - as he was struggling to keep me restrained seeing as I kept fighting, kept trying to get away. I punched - tried to at least, I screamed, but to no avail.

"Rose, stop!"

"Let me go!" I cried, feeling my eyes beginning to sting. "Just let me go! Please!"

"What are you so afraid of?" he said again, his large, war hands shaking me just a little. "Why don't you want to go back?"

"That's none of your business." I spat, again writhing to get away from him. His hold on me was so hard, though, that I really didn't stand a chance against him. "ARGH! Just let me _go_!"

He didn't. And I don't know how long it took, but eventually I did calm down - some at least. He was still holding me, but he didn't say anything after that. The night was silent around us, except for my labored breathing. I wanted to scream at him again, yell at him for looking at me, for doing this to me, but I didn't feel up to it. Deep down I knew I wasn't getting away this time. He might as well take me back already.

When we got back to the car I saw - to my surprise - that no one was there. That other guardian wasn't in sight either. It turned out that the guardian who'd remained behind went for Christian, helping him, and taking him inside to Tasha. Belikov had been the only one to track me down, which also surprised me. Sure, I knew there were only two guardians here to pick us up, but nevertheless... he had to be pretty badass to find me so easily. Or he really did know how to read me... or even sense me. I shuddered at the thought.

Before long we were on the road. Belikov was driving while I was sitting in the passenger seat, with Christian in the back with the other guardian, who's name I still didn't know. It made me feel guilty to see how tired Christian was now; he'd wielded all that magic for me, and I'd left him as soon as I got the chance to. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't want to talk to me again after this.

It turned out that this had been a rental car. The guardians - five of them - who'd gone to Alder had used the school's private jet to get there, and when they'd heard the news of our escape and eventually where we were, they'd decided to make a stop at a nearby airfield to pick us up. And that's where they were taking us now.

The flight was short, as was the car-ride after that. None of us spoke on the entire way back to the Academy, and I didn't know if that made it worse or not. The silence was filled with tension, but I had nothing to say. Unless it was involving punches. Seeing Belikov in my peripheral view was making me seethe, or just seeing him at all did that.

How dared he do this to me? Why couldn't he just have let me go?

When we eventually got back to the Academy they were starting to lead me towards the Administrative wing. Christian, on the other hand, was, understandably, being lead to the feeders.

"Where are you taking me?" I wondered out loud, even though I was pretty sure what the answer to my question was already.

"To Headmistress Kirova's office." Belikov answered remotely, confirming my thoughts.

I sighed.

I hadn't been to Kirova's office in years. There had been no reason for me to go there anymore since I'd kept myself in line since the accident, so to say it didn't feel weird to be back there would have been an understatement. For these two past years I'd been pretty much a ghost for the faculty as well. More or less. I mean, Stan still had his eyes on me - sort of - but the other teachers and guardians... as well as Kirova... they didn't really seem to feel like they needed to anymore. After all, two years are a lot.

And I didn't have any friends. I'd been the stereotype for anti-social, only having myself to count on and talk to. Except for Father Andrew, of course, but I couldn't really talk to him. Not about everything at least; not that I wanted to either.

However, judging by the latest events in my life, I supposed that had changed. Out of coincidence I'd stumbled into Christian and despite it all, I supposed we'd become friends. No way in hell had I seen that coming, which only proved that life really did put you on paths you never expected it to. It never went as you wanted; life didn't follow a straight line, instead it zig-zagged a whole lot.

I'd have to say that, if I remembered correctly, that the lecture Kirova gave me then was probably one of her finest. Although, I couldn't be sure. It had been such a long time, a time I barely remembered anymore. These past two years really felt like a haze, like I was watching through cloudy eyes, barely registering what had actually happened during that time. Reality was too sharp, too vivid, now.

Like I've said before, church and tears being shed was pretty much all I remembered. Those two components had been my life; I'd gone to the chapel, and I'd cried. A lot. And that hole I had inside of me... it haunted me. It felt like a part of me was missing, but I wasn't sure if it was just Lissa's absence my soul was feeling the effects of.

That hole was still there... but sometimes it was silent. Or I ignored it, as much was possible. I tried not to feel lonely, even if I did so every single second of every minute of every hour, every single day. It was so, so hard to ignore the pain my soul was in, but there was nothing to do about it. Lissa was gone, and she wasn't coming back. I'd have to face that eventually. _Really_ face it.

I felt pretty lousy standing up there in front of Kirova. A part of me had taken pride in not being a troublemaker anymore, but I supposed that reputation had now been damaged. I'd been an ex-troublemaker in their eyes before, but now I was more of a troublemaker-in-hiding. I didn't really know which was worse.

After her lecture, and after being told of my punishments for running away like that, I was free to go. But standing there outside her office, the hole in me burst forward again. I would never be able to run away from it, would I? I would never be able to escape the pain, so perhaps the only way out was to embrace it. Maybe then I would be free.

My eyes were burning with tears and I really had no desire to be around anyone right now, so I started walking towards the chapel. It was midday at the Academy, which meant it was lunch-time. That also meant I walked past a lot of familiar faces on my way, and they truly looked at me like I was alien. I was no ghost anymore, but _alien_.

I kept my head down while walking past all the whispers, and it took all of me to shut out all their stares and all the pointing fingers. It was as if I was a freak, or like I said, an alien. A goddamn extraterrestrial freak.

"Rose!" Andrew called out from the altar, where he was standing, once I walked inside the chapel; relief was evident in his voice. He got down from the altar and walked up to me then, placing gentle hands on my shoulders. "Where in God's name have you been?"

The chastisement in his voice made me falter. I'd been sure I wouldn't miss him, but now that I saw him again, I realized I really would have missed his company. It was like my heart had momentarily forgotten him, taking his presence for granted. Like he had meant nothing to me. Perhaps I wouldn't be able to replace him after all.

* * *

_What did you think? You like? :)_

So... did everyone read the AN at the top? I hope you did, because that explained how this ain't a R/C-story. So, no need to worry anymore. And don't fret over the R/C-scenes seriously. **No need to worry, for real.**

This wasn't a long chapter, and not my finest work - I know that - but the info was necessary. Now they're back at the Academy, and I think the next chapter will start out right after this one. Not sure yet though. :)

Since I'm going away Thursday, and won't be back until Sunday, I'm gonna try and get the next chap up before then. Or at least write my ass off before I leave, so I can update soon after I get home. :) Also... I'm planning on updating "Before It's Too Late" later today.

Also... I don't know about you, but I love Hollywood Undead. And FINALLY their new album is on Spotify! x3 Haven't really listened through the new album, "American Tragedy", yet, but I'm totally in love with "Comin' In Hot" & "Been To Hell" so far anyway. Awesome songs!

_Anywho... please do leave a lil comment below :) It'd make my day! x3_


	11. Chapter 11

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Forgot to thank you all in the last chapter, but you should know that the response this story continues to get is... beyond amazing! Seriously, I have the best fans! x3 THANK YOU! :D

And I'm really sorry for this extreme delay, but... well, I think I've updated BITL twice since ISOP's last update. Besides, I've had a case of writer's block for this story, not to mention real life's been a bit of a bitch (excuse my language), and I've also been working on my own stuff recently. Need to get a move on with that if I wanna be able to pull off being published (getting a "yes") before my 20th birthday. It'd be the most amazing birthday present, am I right? That's if you don't count Bloodlines, since it comes out on the 23rd and my birthday's the 30th. Perfect timing, hihi.

**chimney101**: Thank you so, so, SO much for your amazing (and long) review! x3 You deserve to have this chapter dedicated to you, so now it is!

Dedicated to: _chimney101_

Anywho... here's chapter 11, and Rose & Christian are finally back at the Academy! :)

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_"Rose!" Andrew called out from the altar, where he was standing, once I walked inside the chapel; relief was evident in his voice. He got down from the altar and walked up to me then, placing gentle hands on my shoulders. "Where in God's name have you been?"_

_The chastisement in his voice made me falter. I'd been sure I wouldn't miss him, but now that I saw him again, I realized I really would have missed his company. It was like my heart had momentarily forgotten him, taking his presence for granted. Like he had meant nothing to me. Perhaps I wouldn't be able to replace him after all._

**Chapter 11**

I hated to see that look on his face, like he'd been so, so worried about me and that I had, more or less, disappointed him by running away. But I hadn't thought about him when I ran away with Christian, hadn't spared him a single thought even. I'd acted as if he really didn't mean anything to me, and seeing him now really made me feel guilty.

Because he did mean something. He was a friend, albeit not a very close one, and to have acted otherwise was stupid on my part. I'd, in a way, treated him like trash. Just thrown him out of my life like yesterday's garbage.

"Around," I said meekly, turning my eyes downward since the look he had in his eyes was killing me.

"Rose..." I could hear the frown in his voice. "This is serious. You _ran away_ with a Moroi, you _endangered_ his life. It goes against the Guardians' oath. You must know that."

I was close to telling him that I wasn't a _real_ guardian yet, but I knew well enough not to go there. "I know." I mumbled instead, still keeping my eyes down.

The tone he used then wasn't harsh at all, instead it was rather soft. He was just concerned about me, and deep down I knew that. And it was because of the tone in his voice that I glanced up at him and truly saw that he really was only looking out for me.

"Why did you do it then?" he wondered as he removed his hands from my shoulders.

Because I had to, before I lost my mind? Because I hated my life? Because, no matter what, I would always carry a loss that had to be greater than anyone else's? I could never shake off the disturbing images that would sometimes roll before my eyes, memories of a time when things had been great and others of a time when my life had come to a standstill. Like that one day, that one moment, when my world flipped upside-down in a matter of minutes. When I'd died only to be brought back to life, a life that turned out to be empty of everything I'd previously lived for.

It was a very good question, really, but not one I felt like giving him the answer to. It was just too personal. But perhaps he would say some reassuring words, words that would make me feel better and would maybe guide me in the right way now that I didn't know where my future laid anymore.

But I didn't dare risk it. He was still a member of the faculty, albeit not one in the more administrative area. And even if he was sworn to secrecy regarding whatever I told him, I was still sure that if I truly opened myself up to him, he would betray me. For my "own good". Even he would see the disgrace in wanting a normal life away from all of this, a life they only interpreted as "going off to join the bloodwhores".

Despite the fact there were dhampir mothers that wasn't acting like bloodwhores, like Mason's mom for instance, they still regarded them as such. And if I would leave this place, this world, I would be considered as one, too.

But what mattered the most... my happiness or my reputation?

**x x x**

Thursday passed by sluggishly, as did Friday. Mostly it was the constant whispering and all the looks I got throughout the school days that were getting to me, or that was what I assumed anyway. For not wanting any attention directed my way I sure didn't make it any easier for myself when I'd decided to run away. But like I said before, a part of me – the majority – had never actually thought I would be able to pull it off in the first place.

But since I had, it was time for me to face the consequences of my actions.

Kirova gave me detention for running away – for the rest of the term. Thankfully my new reputation was good enough to not earn me next term as well, so I gratefully accepted it without further comments. Yeah, I went down in defeat, but it wasn't like I had someone to hang out with after school and do stuff with anyway. Might as well sit back in school an hour or two.

Neither of those days' mornings were spent out by the tracks. Surely Belikov was out there, and seeing him in class was definitely enough after the fiasco of him bringing me back to this place. And what was more than enough were the confused, half-amazed or half-repulsed looks I was getting from my classmates.

Like I said, I'd been a disgrace by running away. The half-amazed stares I got were probably because I'd actually managed to get away from this place. Certainly that took some skills, so obviously they were a bit impressed. Mason tried to approach me Thursday, probably wanting to ask me why I left or perhaps why I'd taken Christian with me, but I deftly managed to sneak away from him with a little help from the dorm matron. She called him out on approaching the girls' part of the dorm. First time I'd ever liked the old hag.

As Saturday came around the corner my heart felt particularly heavy. I didn't feel like getting out of bed at all, I just wanted to stay there forever. Well, preferably passed out, asleep, without nightmares. Just floating in nothingness, not being aware of anything. That had to be what Heaven was like, really, but with a more happier tone to the nothingness. Like bliss.

Eventually I did manage to get up and go down to have some breakfast, and as I was finishing up my sandwiches, thoughts of that day's plans were forming. Having no one to hang out with, and nothing really to do - seeing as I still wasn't allowed to train - and since I was certain Christian was up in the church attic, I had to go somewhere else. I didn't want to risk running into him, and I didn't feel like talking to Andrew either, so I opted for another place that I thought might be deserted on a weekend like this - the place I would otherwise be at on a day like today.

I was laying on one of the mats in the gym, trying not to think about how fucked up my life was beginning to get. How easy hadn't it been while I'd still been numb? When I hadn't paid attention, when I hadn't cared about anything or anyone... I was beginning to miss those days now. How wonderfully blissed I'd been to live in utter ignorance of the outside world.

Christian hadn't even spared me a glance at school, so he was obviously pissed at me. And I knew I deserved it. That was the worst part of it, knowing I'd run out on him when he'd probably needed my help. But I'd seen him as an obstacle then, someone who'd only slow me down – and again, I hadn't planned on getting caught. Perhaps if I hadn't, I'd been able to forget about my old life for real and I could have started a new life. A life of my own, among humans most likely, far away from the Academy.

Christian wouldn't have been on my mind as he was now; I wouldn't have felt guilty about leaving Andrew behind; and I wouldn't have been angry at myself and feeling like a really lousy person. Things would have been so easy, if I'd just been able to escape and create a life I wanted for myself and not a life that was costume-made for me.

Apparently I'd been so consumed by my own thoughts - or rather, despair - that I hadn't noticed the door to the gym open and close. Or the person who'd entered, who were about to give me a real scare.

I was still thinking of my crazy, awful life when a face appeared out of nowhere, looking down on me from above. It was a kind face - a beautiful, kind one even - that I was all too familiar with by now. A face with perfect cheekbones, gorgeous brown eyes that could pierce your soul, full lips that I ought not to ever stare at again, and it was all framed by the most beautiful brown hair that I'd ever seen on a man.

"Hi." was all he said, but it was enough to jumpstart my heart.

I blinked. "Shit!" I cried, flying up to a sitting position immediately. One hand went to my chest, where I could feel my heart beating a mile a minute. And as I turned my head towards him, I could see that his mask was on, but his eyes were, on the other hand, unguarded. They were tinted with amusement, probably because he'd managed to scare me.

Damn him.

"Don't do that!" I snapped, willing my heart to slow down some. "Now, what do you want?"

He shrugged, unconcerned. "This is a gym, I'm going to work out?"

I blinked again, looking around me and noticing that this really was a gym. And that he was right. _Great_. Now I was getting sarcasm from him, too. "Oh. Right." I mumbled. "Don't let me detain you then."

I got up without another word and started to move towards to the door. With every step that I took, I could feel his eyes on me back. And just as I was about to open the door leading outside, I heard him call out after me, "Wait."

Feeling curiosity burn within me, I turned around. What could he possibly want from me? Did he perhaps want to give me another round of twenty questions concerning why I'd run away before? Well, I wasn't up for that, but the curiosity was still there.

I gave him a questioning look.

"Come on," he nodded towards the mats. "You can spar against me."

Wait... what?

His voice held no emotions and his eyes were just as indecipherable. He had that typical Guardian mask up, so I didn't know if he was being serious or not. He might as well have been messing with me, or perhaps looking for an excuse to beat the crap out of me.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm not supposed to train."

He did a flick backwards with his head. "How's your back?"

I shrugged. "Okay."

"You're being let back in class on Tuesday, am I right?"

I shrugged. Dr. Olendzki had said we'd talk again Monday, and my back was better now. So, yes, I would most likely be back in business again on Tuesday.

He obviously took that as a yes seeing as he nodded, but then he suddenly went quiet and didn't say anything for a little while. I almost considered to walk out of there, seeing as he apparently was done talking.

"Have you fought any of the guardians yet?" he wondered, raising an eyebrow himself. He was challenging me, I realized.

I considered not to answer him, but I couldn't help it. A part of me was seriously curious about where he was going with this. "Verbally or physically?" I asked.

It looked like he was trying not to smile for a second. "Physically."

I shook my head.

"Then hit me."

His answer caught me off guard. "What?"

"Well, _try _and hit me." he corrected. He looked dead serious about it, too, which was what I really couldn't comprehend. He wanted to fight a student?

Yeah, my theory about him wanting to beat the crap out of me was a definite possibility.

I shook my head at him.

"You're a great fighter," he said. "I've seen you many times now, and fighting your classmates..." he trailed off, giving a little shake of his head. "You could use a challenge. Guardian Petrov thinks so, too."

_Alberta_? She thought I should hit him?

Huh... Oh.

Wait a second... things were beginning to fall into place now. The puzzle pieces were finally coming together. Like why Dimitri was always following me around... This was all Alberta. Maybe even Kirova. They'd been plotting against me.

And hang on... they really thought I was that good? Did they have that much faith in me and my skills? Well, I knew I was good, but not_ that_ good. Guess I'd underestimated myself all along if they wanted to give me tougher challenges, like Belikov. Disregarding my feelings towards him I couldn't deny he was a badass. A fighting God.

It clearly took me off guard. I didn't know what to think, and I didn't want to look stupid in front of him, so I opted for a little attitude. It was getting easier and easier to bring it out nowadays; I had to if I wanted to shield myself from all the staring and the whispers I was getting on a daily basis now.

"Oh, really?" I challenged.

"It's a great opportunity for you. You could train with me outside of school."

A regular beating, huh? Was that something he got off on?

I rolled my eyes. "No, thanks."

His mask was perfectly in place. "Why not?"

I was almost about to tell him that I couldn't stand him, that I practically hated him, but I managed to stop myself just in time. Instead I told him, "Because I don't even know your name. That's why."

Lame reason, I know. I kind of wanted to shoot myself just for saying it, or at least not be in the same room as him anymore. I'd made myself sound like an idiotic girl with a crush or something, which was far from the truth, but he obviously didn't notice.

"Oh." his mask faltered a little and I could see surprise flicker on his face. "Well, it's Di-"

I cut him off. "I don't care what your name is. I don't need you."

Despite what he and the others might think, I didn't need a mentor. All I needed was to get as far away from this stalker-guardian as I could. He was beginning to creep me the hell out despite his extremely good looks, but I supposed that was the lure of him. Kind of like a flycatcher.

I left after that, and thankfully he didn't call me back. Surprisingly enough he hadn't even called me out on my bad attitude, but perhaps he didn't really care. Maybe it was just formalities. Maybe Alberta or Kirova had put him up to it, but in reality he didn't want to train with me at all. He was just doing his job.

Full of dark thoughts again, and still wanting to be alone, I left for the cafeteria and lunch.

People stared, people whispered, and they _stared_. You'd think I was famous for all the attention they were giving me. But this was reality, I wasn't famous, and I'd done something I shouldn't have despite my own wants. And in this world my wants were unacceptable.

I mostly picked in my food throughout lunch seeing as the appetite wasn't there.

When I eventually had enough of both my doughnuts and all the people in the cafeteria, I decided I would go the chapel anyway. The risk of running into Christian was slim after all. He could've gone there in the morning, or perhaps right before lunch or he hadn't gone there at all.

As I was getting closer, turning the corner and beginning to cross the empty quad, I saw in my peripheral view a dark shape looming. Someone was heading toward the church just as I was, or so it seemed, but was much closer in distance.

My heart flinched. What were the odds.

"Hey, Christian!" I called after him. "Wait up!"

He turned around and as he saw who I was, his eyes grew darker. "What do you want, Rose?" he said as I caught up to him. "I've got places to be."

Yeah, right. But I let it be. "I- I wanted to apologize." I said hesitantly. His hostile exterior made me a little apprehensive.

"It's a little late for that." he frowned, diverting his eyes from me and instead turned them downward.

Was he that disgusted by me? It surprised me how sad that thought made me feel. Sure, we hadn't talked that much to one another, but I'd still kind of appreciated his company and perhaps most of all his acceptance and approval of the new me.

"I didn't mean to do that, I swear."

"Sure looked like it. But why did you do that then?" he said, his voice so, so hard. Dangerous, on the verge of snapping. "How _could_ you do that even?"

He looked back up at me, and I couldn't help but cower a little under his gaze. Those icy blues were as hard and cold as real ice.

"I screwed up, I know that!"

He still looked angry. "I can't trust you."

"You trusted me enough to get you out of here..." I told him. A little spark of hope was ignited in me for a short second, but then as his next words fell from his mouth, that hope was shattered into a million pieces.

"I've learned my lesson."

He started to walk away.

"Christian!" I called after him, but he didn't look back.

As his figure disappeared around the corner, I sighed and turned to head into the church. But just as I was turning around, I caught a glimpse of Belikov on the opposite side of the quad. His eyes were on me, but from this distance I couldn't make out the expression on his face. Either way I was sure he'd witnessed mine and Christian's fight just now. There was a certain knowing air around him. A part of me secretly began to wonder what he was thinking, what conclusions he was drawing - since it had been Christian I'd run away with after all. And here we'd been, arguing, almost acting as if we were a couple.

_If only I could..._ no.

I couldn't move at first, all because of his eyes. He just stood there, across the quad, and looked at me. And I looked at him. That moment probably felt longer than it was, because before I knew it, I gave a small shrug and continued on into the chapel. And he most likely continued on to wherever he was going.

The chapel was empty when I entered. Thank God.

Walking up to the altar, I lit four candles - just like I'd used to do - before I went to sit down in the pew at the front. "Sorry I haven't been here in awhile," I murmured. "Things have been... complicated lately."

Silence and a sigh later, I pulled open my journal and began to write.

It felt nice at first to sit there, in peace, but halfway through of telling Lissa of this week's crazy events, I sighed and put it to the side. "What the hell am I doing?" I said out loud to no one, absentmindedly rubbing my hands upward my face; from my chin and up along the bridge of my nose.

But even though there wasn't anyone else besides me there, a tiny little part of me still felt like I'd been heard by someone - or some_thing_ - because within a second, just as my mouth closed, an eerily silence fell in the room. Not that I was really paying attention anymore; my eyes were focused downward, but I didn't really see anything anyway. My mind was blank, but still full of so many thoughts that were circulating around in there. Dark thoughts, thoughts I constantly tried to fight, and memories I tried to forget just to be able to move forward. But sometimes, though, it was harder to keep them away from affecting me, like now.

A small sigh escaped my lips, and that was when it happened. Just like that one time a tiny little breeze, like a breath, brushed by my ear. My head jerked up, trying to see who was there, but the chapel remained just as quiet and deserted as it had been before.

It was like the calm before the storm or something, because soon enough all four candles before me were blown out. Just like that. My heart began to race involuntarily, and the adrenaline in my body was starting to kick in, telling me that something wasn't right here. So without thinking I shot up from my seat.

Had this place become haunted all of a sudden or something? Well, no way in hell that I was going to find out, so without a second thought I started to leave.

Little did I know, as I stormed out from the chapel, that I'd accidentally left behind my most private and personal possession.

* * *

_Whatcha think so far? :)_

Sorry again for this wait! Wasn't my intention at all to have the update delayed so much x| Next chapter will be up asap!

What other kinds of books do you guys like? Except for VA, I mean. And not Twilight etc. either. Like... do you read classics or do you read more chick lit.? Or scary stories? Perhaps classics are a bit much - a bit too adult - for 15-year-olds and below. No offense to you guys, I didn't read classics and stuff then either. I was all for the fantasy and scary stories, which I still am (fantasy at least).  
But why I'm asking is because I'm going to start reading classics myself - doing the '1001 books you must read before you die' list - to broaden my register, you know. I've already read a few, when I was in High School, but I'm going to really check them all out now. Atm I'm reading "Jane Eyre" at the same time as I'm finishing TVD's "The Return: Midnight" (not on the list).

What other books have you been reading?

**Next chapter will future:** More Rose & Dimitri action :)

Please do leave a lil comment! It'd be very much appreciated x3


	12. Chapter 12

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Yeah, I know... a new chapter already? :o Yup, it's true. ISOP is getting a new update only a couple of days later, and it's mostly because of a certain lady I've had the pleasure of meeting in real life, too; her birthday was the day before yesterday (19th). And she's a huge fan of this story, so obviously this chapter's dedicated to her! So, here yah go, **Intyala**! x3

I wanna say THANK YOU to all of my readers, but especially the reviewers! Like: _Twilighternproud_, _roseskyangel_, _RozaDimka_, _Katy Rosemaire_, _LeyahRayne_, _ mrs. madelaine belikov_, _DXR_, _Rachel-rob-Sandwich_, _X. KissedByADemon .X_ (sorry for messing up your name - FFN *sigh*) and _machee_. ALL of you guys continue to make me grin like an idiot, haha!^^ Thank you so much! Special thanks are in order, too, and they are for **jemily23**, **cuteorama**, **tinydime**, **Intyala** and **chimney101** - it means a whole lot when people take the time to write longer reviews... I'm very grateful for that! :3 Thank you SO much! :D

And this is a chapter I think you've all been looking forward to, at least subconsciously...

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 12**

I didn't realize my mistake until it was too late. It was past curfew and there was no chance in hell that I would be able to go back to the chapel to retrieve it – if it even happened to be open now – and get back without being caught. It was the last thing I needed, to get even more attention to myself and further giving them a reason to start labeling me as a troublemaker again.

No, I had to be smart about this. I'd have to do it in the morning, but until then, I had to sleep.

The next morning I tried to hurry to be able to be the first one in the chapel, but since when had ever luck been with me? There were already people sitting in the pews - not many, but definitely enough to disencourage me from my mission - and so I had to wait throughout Andrew's sermon before I could look for my missing journal. Hopefully it was still there, waiting for me.

I took a seat in one of the pews at the back and decided to scout the place and look for any suspicious behavior, especially near the front, from where I was sitting. I saw many of my classmates, both dhampirs and Moroi, file in and sit down in their different cliques. And it was to my horror I saw Camille Conta and her pack walk up to the front of the church and sit down. Right where I'd been sitting yesterday. And Jesse Zeklos – the most popular guy at school, and a real gossip-starter – with a few of his friends took the seats right behind her.

I kept my eyes on them the whole time, having to watch her flirty stares at him, but I never saw anything suspicious going on until about halfway through the sermon. My heart literally stopped beating when I saw how Camille slowly bent down and disappeared from view for a second.

Oh God no...

Had she spotted it? Had she found my journal? I couldn't see what it had been she'd bent down for, not from this distance and from behind so many people, but there was little doubt in me that she had found the little book that held my life.

This could so not be happening to me right now...

When the service eventually concluded, my insides were as cold as ice. I waited out everyone, and as the last people were starting to leave, I got up from my own seat in the back and approached the front pews. My insides were practically non-existent the way I couldn't feel anything; my heart surely didn't beat at all.

It had to be there, or else I was seriously considering murder if someone had taken it from me. What if Camille had found it? Was it my journal she'd spotted on the ground when she'd bent down? Had she picked it up? If so, would she realize it was mine?

What if she was reading it right now...?

_Please, let it be here..._, I chanted inwardly as I crouched down and started looking for it. It wasn't at the front, so I searched all the nearest pews, but it was nowhere to be seen.

Good God, where did it go? Who had taken it?

My eyes were burning, prickling with the tears that were about to fall any second now. My life was over, I knew it. What was I supposed to do now? Everyone would know about my pathetic excuse for a life for the past couple of months any moment now. Thank God the others were safe though, but this one... it was much more detailed than the others. That just made it worse.

I had to leave again. I had to get out of here, if not by any miracles it happened to return to me soon. Preferably without having been looked in or read.

And as if my prayer had been heard, someone cleared their throat somewhere nearby.

"Looking for this?" a voice said.

I looked up to see Belikov standing a couple of feet away. I hadn't even noticed him stay behind or come back inside; I hadn't even seen him in the church at all. When I eventually registered his words, my eyes fell upon what he was holding up. A book. A darkblue little notebook, one I recognized as my journal, was in his hand.

What the hell was he doing with it?

A sense of relief washed over me for a second; I blinked back the tears. "You found-"

"Yes. I figured it was yours."

"How?"

"You forget I've seen you write in it." he handed it over, and I snatched it away from his tainted fingers immediately. "And I know you like to come here. I made the connection."

I eyed the book in my hands for a second. "Did you read it?" I glanced up at him.

He shook his head. "Of course not."

"You better be telling the truth, Comrade." I pointed a finger at him with narrowed eyes. God Forbid he had violated my privacy by reading it. I'd report him in a second if that was the case, no questions asked.

He raised an eyebrow at me – in that cool way of his. "Comrade?"

"You're Russian, aren't you?"

"I am," he agreed; the accent alone just proved it. "But don't call me that. You clearly don't know what you're talking about."

There was obvious disapproval in his voice, but I didn't care. "Sure I do, otherwise I wouldn't have said it."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm not the bad guy, Rose."

"Maybe not, but you're not the good guy either." I retorted, not falling for the what was supposed to be a meaningful look he'd just given me. "Now, you'll have to excuse me, Guardian Belikov."

I didn't wait for him to say anything else, or even stop me, before I walked off.

**x x x**

The chapel obviously wasn't a safe place for me to hang out at anymore with the creepy air-breaths and all, and risking my journal like that. I'd have to find someplace else, but until I did come up with a proper back-up, I supposed I'd have to settle with the gym for now. But there was a risk being there, too, and it proved itself to be true while I was laying on one of the mats again after lunch.

In came Belikov with his gym bag and one of those plastic water bottles in hand. The sight was kind of hot, to be honest, but I decided to ignore him. He didn't say anything – at first – but he did study me curiously while he was setting down his bag and rummaging a little in it.

"What?" I had to ask when it was getting to be too annoying.

"Did you reconsider my offer?"

"No, _Comrade_." I rolled my eyes. "I haven't."

"Stop calling me that."

I smirked. "I can't make any promises."

He just shook his head at me as he stood up again. I could tell he was annoyed despite him having that typical mask of his on. It was obvious in the way he carried himself, in the aura around him. He didn't like me right now, not that I cared. He could be as mad as he wanted, it didn't matter to me at all.

Before he started in on the training itself, he walked over to the cd-player. I couldn't see what kind of cd he put in, but I could very well hear what it was once he pressed 'play'.

I groaned.

"What do you have against the 80's?" His eyes were back on me.

"I was born and raised in the 90's." I told him. "And I have no desire to go further back in time than that."

He considered it. "So you don't like Elvis then? Or The Beatles?"

"Can't say that I do." I had respect for them though.

There was silence for awhile as he started in on the punching bags. I had to admit that the sight of him, his muscles flexing as he moved, the intensity his whole body radiated, was a real turn on. No matter how much he annoyed me sometimes I really couldn't deny that both my body and mind liked what it saw.

He was definitely strong - no doubt stronger than most dhampirs - and there was a stability in him that I also had to admire.

"How come I never see you with the other novices?" he wondered after awhile, forcing me out of my checking him out. "Wouldn't you rather be hanging out with them on a weekend like this?"

I diverted my eyes from him and his insanely good-looking body. "I have a best friend."

He stopped, resting his gloved hands on either side of the bag. "Lord Ozera?"

There was a quality to his voice, something about the way he was so eerily neutral - unnaturally so - that made me wonder. And it was then that I remembered that he admired me, or at least he _had_ admired me before. But I could see why he'd think so anyway, that Christian and I were friends, after all that had happened. To me it was obvious we weren't anything like that, but I was reminded once again that Belikov was still quite new here. He didn't know any better.

"Lissa." I told him.

He was silent for a moment, which made me glance up at him out of curiosity. His face was perfectly void of any emotion as he eventually conceded, "Hmm. I'm afraid I don't know her."

"I didn't expect you to." I said. "She doesn't go here anymore."

He raised an eyebrow, mask still intact. "She's graduated?"

"If that's what you wanna call it, sure." I closed my eyes for a second, trying to ignore the lump that had begun to form in my throat. "She's checked out of this place for good."

Belikov didn't say anything else after that, resuming his training, and for that I was glad. I didn't want to break down in front of him again; once or twice was surely enough. There was no need for a third time.

**x x x**

Monday morning I decided to go for a run again. After all, I would be back in business the day after and my back was good again, so I didn't see the problem. And I wanted to start out easy, so as not to risk anything.

The chill was really settling down in Montana now, and it was getting more and more obvious that winter was slowly approaching. I had to put on my thicker sweatshirt so I wouldn't freeze to death before I headed outside. Although, all the running would of course warm up my body. But still, my joints were a bit rusty since I hadn't been training for about two weeks now, and the cold didn't exactly help with that.

Belikov came out on the tracks awhile after me, and just like that first time, he caught up to me without a problem. But he didn't say anything to me, not a 'hello' or anything like that, we just ran.

When I eventually finished I walked off the tracks and over to my bag, taking out my water bottle. It felt more like oxygen than water as I gulped it down, and it was kind of like heaven as I stood there, watching Belikov finish his laps while taking little sips of water every once in awhile. I'd forgotten how nice all this was, to run and feel the wind blow against my face. It was refreshing, and it cleared the head.

I left the tracks just as he finished his and started approaching me and his bag, which he'd left - curiously enough - right next to mine. There was an odd glint in his eyes, like they were smiling at me, but he still didn't say anything at all. Not even a word. Not really knowing what to do, I just gave him a curt little nod in acknowledgment before I headed off for my room to take a nice long shower before class would start.

The rest of the week passed by quite uneventful. Dr. Olendzski told me I was fine, and just like that I was back in group practice by Tuesday. In the mornings I would run, just like I'd done before I hurt my back, and I would see Belikov before and during class. Just like old times. But we never talked to each other now, like we'd done for a period of time while I'd been injured. It was probably what I was most grateful for, to not having to hear his damn voice all the time. It was well enough during class.

Christian still didn't acknowledge me, much. He wouldn't talk to me, but I had caught him staring at me once. It had been during Ms. Meissner's class. My hair had been annoying me, so I'd reached down to get a scrungy from my bag. And while I was reaching down my eyes fell on Christian, who was sitting in the back of the class, and who was following me with his own eyes. And it was so strange, but I could swear that there was some sort of longing in his eyes.

Maybe he missed me... but I doubted it. He didn't show any other signs of regretting what had happened, so I promptly figured I'd imagined it.

That Sunday I was sitting in the chapel just like I always did, listening to Andrew talking about different saints and their preaches, about God and about what he himself believed in. But this Sunday was different, however, seeing as I'd gotten a neighbor all of a sudden. I'd always sat alone before, right in the back on the right side of the chapel, but not today.

"There are plenty of other seats to choose from," I told him as he sat down. "Pick one."

"I wanted to talk to you."

I frowned. "I wonder why."

"You should be grateful I haven't turned you in to the Headmistress or Guardian Petrov yet."

I was, but I just couldn't get past the annoyance he always seemed to bring me. And hey, wait... _yet_? Oh hell no, don't tell me he's going to blackmail me now all of a sudden?

"You could be a great Guardian after graduation. You're one of the Academy's best novices, if not_ the_ best one. It'd be a waste of talent if you would get black marks on your record now."

"Already got plenty."

We had to keep our voices down to whispers seeing as we were in a room full of people, this was a church, and we were in the middle of a sermon.

"And that doesn't bother you?" He raised his voice just a little, the surprise and astonishment getting the better of him.

I didn't answer, and we fell into a silence.

"...and it was He who blessed the ill-fated Alessandra with a new path..." Andrew droned on, but honestly, it looked like he had most of the church's attention with him. Although, I think it was the tale of the warrior/saint Alessandra that did it - a tale of dragons and despite all her adversities, she still fought on and never backed down. And eventually, as God acknowledged her courage and applauded her strength, He granted her a new destiny.

As Andrew concluded that story and began to talk about the lessons we can learn from the story of Alessandra, Belikov decided to break the silence between us. He leaned a little closer to me, and it was first then that I could distinguish the scent of aftershave coming off him. Once again my body betrayed me, acknowledging how good it smelled - on him - and how it somehow suited him.

Strong. Manly. I liked it.

"Why do you come here?" he wondered.

I understood that he meant the chapel. "I have a lot to make up for." I said simply.

He studied me for a moment, but didn't say anything. And then he turned back towards the priest. For a second there I actually thought he was done talking, but yet again he wouldn't stop surprising me. Or yapping.

"It's okay, you know." his was so soft it was barely audible. "To miss her."

Hm.

Oh.

No.

I froze.

There was no doubt about it - I heard it in his voice - that he knew. He knew about the accident and he knew that my best friend was gone from this world forever, and that I was left to walk this Earth alone now.

My body was still tensed up, my heart was beating just a little faster than normal as I glanced over at him for a second before I turned my head back down. I tried to keep my voice even as I said, "I assume Alberta told you?"

"Guardian Petrov," he corrected automatically. "And she did, but it's not her story to tell, so I figured I'd let you tell me yourself."

I didn't answer him; mainly because I didn't know what to say. He'd wanted me to tell him about Lissa, by my own accord. He didn't want to hear about the accident and everything that had happened since by someone other than me. Maybe I should have felt happy, or grateful for his consideration, but honestly, I didn't feel much.

I supposed it was nice of him, to think of me and my feelings first, but I wasn't ready to tell him everything yet. I wasn't even sure if I ever would be. Or if I truly wanted to. Talking about her and my old life would only rip up the wounds further – though, I supposed they might heal a little too. But was it worth it, taking that risk? Was it worth it, killing my soul in order to save it, if only a little bit?

"Before I was assigned to the Academy," he started slowly, his voice sounding more and more faraway with every word he uttered. "I was the guardian of a Zeklos Lord. His name was Ivan."

I didn't say anything; just sat still by his side in the pew we occupied, watching the people who took communion and wondering where this was actually going.

"I met him when I was young, and we quickly became very good friends, like you and the princess." he told me. "After we graduated, he requested me to be his guardian. And I was up until recently. He was killed."

Okay, that hadn't really been what I'd expected to hear.

My mind reeled at this. Here was the final piece of the puzzle that was Guardian Belikov. That was what I'd been wondering about all this time, this was what made him seem off in my eyes, and why he tried to talk to me so much. Why he stalked me. And now I knew: he was just like me. He'd lost someone, too.

Though my soul was ruled by darkness, my mind still operated after the real world's way of thinking. He wasn't happy, I realized that now. He was still grieving his friend. The only difference between the two of us was that Lissa had been gone longer than Ivan. And that he held it in better than I did. Or so I assumed.

Suddenly I was forced to reevaluate him. Perhaps he wasn't as bad as I'd first made him out to be, and perhaps I shouldn't have been so mean towards him all this time. It wasn't particularly obvious, but I could see the pain that was hidden in his eyes now, but that was probably because I knew what was bothering him. He was in the same boat as me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"I am, too." he agreed solemnly. "But it gets better, easier, with time."

"I don't think it does." I disagreed, thinking of the past two years. I still had that hole inside of myself after losing Lissa in the carcrash, and I doubted it would ever be filled. I couldn't even begin to imagine it differently.

"Don't think, _have faith_ that it does."

I crinkled my nose. "That sounds like some lame Sunday-special."

A small smile spread on his lips. "Perhaps it does, but it's still true."

"I hope so."

He rested his large, warm hand on mine. "It is." His voice was so calm, so reassuring, that for the first time in a long time I really did feel reassured. At least a little bit.

I looked up at him only to see that his dark brown eyes were already on me, and I saw that - deep down - he truly did believe what he'd just said. It _would_ get better, eventually, or at least that's what we both hoped more than anything. And now I knew something I hadn't known before, that Belikov and I were on the same page. And perhaps we had been all along.

How ironic.

* * *

_You like? :)_

So... he knew. He knew about Lissa, and so now he's told her about Ivan. Finally, or what? ;)

The tale of Alessandra was completely made up. Just so you know.

I've told you before that there will be a sequel to this, an alternate version of Frostbite (VA#2)... and so I'm honestly curious about what you think will happen later on. What do you think is up with the creepy air-breaths in the church? It's happened twice now - is it nothing or what are your theories about it? Does it even matter in the grand scheme of things? And what do you think will happen later on in this story, relationship-wise, character-wise etc.? What role will Adrian play when he eventually comes into the story (in the sequel)?

Honestly... I think there are only about maybe 5-6 chapters left until the sequel begins! :o Yeah, I'm shocked too!

_Please leave a lil comment before you leave! It doesn't take long after all, and it'd be very much appreciated! x3_


	13. Chapter 13

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

I'm not dead - hooray?^^

First and foremost, I have to apologize for the really long delay - yet again. We've had major internet issues, and then some personal things came up once we got it back. So instead of updating I've mostly been reading (to keep myself occupied and to keep my mind off things, I guess) - have read tons of books: the entire Fallen series by Lauren Kate (except for the 4th book, of course, since it's not out yet), "Starcrossed" by Josephine Angelini, two random&normal novels and two non-fiction books (weirdly enough) since the last update :) And now I'm also reading a Louis L'Amour-book (like Dimitri xD) as well as "Beautiful Creatures" by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl (refreshing to read a guy's POV!). All for the sake of not dying while waiting for Bloodlines... hehe.

_Over 200 reviews already!_ A thousand thanks to you all (except for one person, who I will get to later on) for your amazing reviews (special thanks to **I. Live. In. A. Fairy. Tale** - sorry for messing up your name - yours was worthy of a facebook-status and running to my mom, telling her what you said, haha - yes, I really did that x3)! So glad _you're all_ loving this story so much! :D And like before, questions/comments I've gotten will be adressed in the AN at the end of the chapter.

Anywho... I won't delay you any further...

_Enjoy! :)_

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Weeks passed by at an alarming pace and, all things considered, my life had finally stabilized itself. Become bearable. Manageable. I had my routines and I followed them to the point, which clearly kept me from losing my mind. I focused on the running, school, detention and finding out more about Anna, St. Vladimir's shadowkissed guardian. Day after day was spent following that schedule. And it helped. I got a little more sleep and I didn't have the nightmares as often.

My classmates seemed to gradually notice the change in me. They became friendlier towards me. They acknowledged my presence again, and it made the boring - yes, I could admit that - schedule I had for myself definitely worth it. It wasn't as though I really craved to be a part of their group again, but it was still nice to be treated with friendliness. Mason - of course - seemed particularly happy to see the return of Rose Hathaway.

Stan, on the other hand, didn't.

It wasn't as if I had become nasty or impertinent in class, like I had been before, but he could probably notice the change just like everyone else did. And it seemed as if it didn't sit right with him - maybe he just didn't feel like having our famous classroom-battles again? A part of me was sure he actually did miss the old me, and the arguments we used to have, but another part also thought he was happy that I wasn't being so rude anymore. And that he could have normal lessons without having to throw someone - a.k.a me - out more than once a week.

It really was a wonder I was still allowed to go to this school.

Other than that, Dimitri – I still wasn't used to think of him as that, so I was still sticking with "Belikov" or "Comrade" most of the time (probably much to his dismay) – and I had become pretty good friends during these last few weeks. Well, not _friends_ per se, but we definitely got along well.

Every morning after that Sunday we'd been running together in the mornings and we always said at least 'hi' to each other. And before he left the tracks, he always told me he'd be seeing me again in class. And hearing those words every day had begun to leave a mark of its own on me – they felt safe somehow. Reassuring. A promise that he wasn't going anywhere.

_That he wasn't leaving me_.

If we ever happened to find ourselves in the chapel at the same time during the weekdays, we usually sat together now. No freaky things happened anymore, at least they didn't when he was around. Or Andrew for that matter. And every time I'd been in there since then, one of the two were always there. The lack of any new "air-breaths" made me question what I'd experienced, but I still didn't dismiss it as nothing. It had felt too real to be ignored.

I know I had promised myself to keep away from the chapel during the weekdays before, but since my social life was still barely existent and I still had questions regarding the whole shadowkissed-thing, I figured I might as well investigate it further. I'd gone back to Andrew the week after Belikov and I had reconciled to see if he had any more books on the matter, and as it turned out, he did. At first he'd told me he wasn't sure, but that he'd check in the attic among the century-old literature when he got around to it. And a couple of days later - a Sunday, naturally - he told me he'd found a couple of books that I could look at.

The different books he'd given me, I discovered they fell into three categories: books written by people after St. Vladimir had died, books written by other people when he was still alive, and one diary of sorts written by Vlad himself. And since it'd take too long to read them all, I decided to go with only the two last categories.

I started with his diary, flipping page upon page for something worth reading; something about Anna. But especially anything that mentioned if healing was possible, seeing as Victor's theory was that Lissa had healed me right before she died.

And not before long I hit the jackpot.

_Today I healed the mother of Sava who has long since suffered from sharp pains within her stomach. Her malady is now gone, but God has not allowed me to do such a thing lightly. I am weak and dizzy, and the madness is trying to leak into my head. I thank God every day for shadow-kissed Anna, for without her, I would surely not be able to endure._

If he - St. Vladimir - really hadn't gone mad, imagining things, he was proof that healing was possible. Unless it was just some kind of myth or something. But if it was true, then maybe it was true that Lissa had healed me that day.

_But what did that mean for me?_

Andrew had told me that Vlad and Anna were bound in both heart and mind, and Victor had more or less confirmed it. At least that he knew of a bond like theirs, that it might be possible for something like that to exist. And if it was true that they'd been bound, then could I have been bonded with Lissa the same way? Had that magical bond disappeared when she died, or was I still bound to her? If so, what did that mean for me?

Victor had said something about me being bound to her forever, that I would always feel the loss much more strongly than others would, but that was natural, of course. She'd been my best friend; wherever she'd been, I hadn't been far behind. We'd been like sisters, just like Christian had once told me.

And speaking of...

Christian proved to be a real stubborn son of a bitch. It had been weeks since we last talked, and it hadn't been a good talk either. It had practically been him telling me to fuck off and even though I did understand why, I couldn't help but think he was the most stubborn guy alive. I'd apologized – what more could I do?

So it was a surprise when – three weeks later – Christian walked up to me in the middle of the hallway in-between classes. Some stray students that I wasn't paying much attention to naturally turned around to stare. It wasn't every day that Christian Ozera talked to someone, and since it was me - the returning dhampir bitch - this was prime-time entertainment for the student body. Wouldn't have surprised me if someone whipped out some popcorn like this was a full-fledged movie.

"Hey," he said, stopping right in front of me.

Narrowing my eyes, I answered nonchalantly, "Are you talking to me?"

I could tell he was uncomfortable with the attention, but I was going to make him suffer, like he'd made me suffer for these past three weeks. He had it coming. With a hasty glance towards the other students, he said, "Who else?"

"What do you want, Christian?" I sighed.

"To talk to you." he replied. "Got time?"

I almost wanted to tell him that I was busy. Well, I kind of was actually, seeing as class would be starting in a matter of minutes. But since it had been this long, and I knew how Christian worked, I indulged him. I followed him across the quad, and out of both earshot and sight from the other students.

He didn't talk rightaway, and I could tell there was something that was clearly making him irritated. Honestly, he put up a good facade, but not nearly as good one as us dhampirs did. We had training for that stuff, and he didn't. He couldn't mask his emotions as easily.

"What's up with you and Belikov?" he eventually blurted out.

What?

His words took me by surprise - far more than I had imagined anything he could possibly say would. At least, this was not a conversation I'd expected to have brought up with _anyone_. Let alone Christian.

I eyed him, crossing my arms. "Jealous?"

He scoffed. But the look in his eyes, that feigned indifference – though he did but on a good show – wasn't fooling me. I could see that he missed me, at least a little, but I wasn't going to grovel or anything. The ball was in his court; I had apologized, but he had yet to accept it.

He didn't say anything for a moment then, and I - being impatient - therefore wondered, "You wanted to harass me about Dimitri?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Since when are you on a first-name basis with him?"

"Since... since now."

He started looking at me questioningly.

"We talk." I said simply. And it was the truth, but judging by the look on his face he didn't believe me one bit.

Christian snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure you do – in class."

His words caught me off guard once again. "What are you implying?"

He gave me a meaningful look. "You know what."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Belikov and I only ran together and we talked occasionally, and that was the whole truth. There wasn't anything more to us, and even if it was I couldn't see why that would be any of his concern. "Seriously, what do you want from me?"

His eyes narrowed around the edges. "You're not exactly like I thought you were."

"I've changed." I told him defiantly, crossing my arms. For some reason beyond me I felt like I had to prove myself to him, even though I had no reason to. He was the one who wanted to talk to - well, harass was more like it - me, not the other way around. The ball was still in his court.

"I can tell." His words were as cold as the blue in his eyes. Frosty and menacing. He was clearly upset, and I had the tiniest, _tiniest_ feeling that this conversation hadn't gone the way he had hoped it would.

"If you just wanted to harass me, you can start walking. Or else you'll end up with a concussion."

"You really are a psychotic bitch," he said, a small smirk on his lips. It usually looked good on him, but it didn't today.

"If you just wanted to be a jerk, I suggest you get away from me," I warned him. "Now."

He stood his ground, taking a step closer towards me as if to make a point. He wasn't going anywhere. Before I had time to react, he did something that I hadn't been planning on. I was pretty much stunned by this turn of events. Out of nowhere, his lips came down on mine. The kiss was hot and fast and furious, and in that moment, he finally let out what he'd felt all these weeks.

But my fist connected with his jawline.

Christian swore, hissing as he touched the area where I'd just hit him. He looked at me with wild eyes, but there was still something in them that were - if I didn't know any better - kind of turned on.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" I shouted. "I clearly warned you."

His eyes narrowed, and it seemed to take a great deal of him to say his next words, "Is it so strange for me to like you, Rose?"

"Well, I don't like _you_." I said in a harsh tone, but immediately - as I saw his face falling with the realization - regretted saying them. A verbal bitch-slap coming from yours truly. I really was changing back into my old self, and that realization hit me like a ton of bricks in that moment. Frankly, the truth of it, I didn't like it. Suddenly I felt all lost again.

_Who am I?_

Am I really this bitchy person? What happened to the timid girl who used to sit in the chapel and talk to the priest when he was on break? Where had she disappeared of to? Was she still in there somewhere, or had that never been the real me?

In my last combat class for the day, anyone who got near me got a piece of my mind, which was to say that no one wanted to spar with me by the end of the lesson.

"What are you looking at?" I snapped at Ryan, who was staring wide-eyed at me. In my peripheral view I could see Meredith surrounded by Alberta and a few other classmates. Half her face was covered in blood.

I'd broken her nose.

Later that same, awful day - and after my damned detention - I found myself sitting out on the bleechers. The cool wind was refreshing, and for the first time that day it felt like I could really think. Away from everyone else and their annoying staring, and all the whispers about me - and Christian.

"Curfew's in fifteen minutes, Rose." A gentle voice carried itself through the wind.

I looked around only to see Dimitri standing by the stairs leading up to where I sat, looking up at me. His brown eyes were soft, like always, but there was still something to them that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Worry maybe.

"What are you doing?" he wondered.

I shrugged, turning my eyes back to my hands. They were cold. "Just thinking." A quick glance back at him. "What are you doing?"

"Just got off a shift," he explained. "And then I saw you out here..."

"And you thought, 'Wow. She's always out here; what a bore.'"

"That's not what I thought." His eyes narrowed a little as they continued to scrutinize me. "Is everything alright?"

"Just peachy," I murmured, but he didn't look convinced.

"It doesn't look 'peachy' to me."

I frowned. "Maybe you should get your eye sight checked then."

He gave me a stop-messing-around-and-tell-me-the-truth kind of look.

I didn't answer him rightaway, but after awhile I just shrugged. "Life, you know."

He looked thoughtful for a second, and then he did something that surprised me. He came up to sit beside me. Sure, I was used to it in the chapel by now, but this was different. Everyone could see us here. And even if we were only friends, why risk it? Why risk the gossip? Christian obviously thought there was something going on between Dimitri and I; who's to say there weren't others who thought the same? Like maybe someone in the faculty?

"What happened?" he wondered. Apparently he wasn't concerned about anyone misinterpreting the image of us, otherwise he wouldn't have come over here. Maybe I was just reading too much into everything, maybe he didn't feel anything towards me other than that he cared about my well-being.

"Christian happened."

He nodded knowingly, a slight frown darkening his face. "What did he do?"

He implied us hooking up. He practically called me a whore. He kissed me. Yeah... there were certainly answers to that question, but none I could share with the guy sitting next to me. I sighed. "He was just being his usual self."

"Is that why you were so angry in class?"

I glanced at him for a second before I turned my head away again. "Maybe."

He shook his head. "You need to work on your self control, Rose."

"No, I don't." I countered, even if I deep down knew he was right. I just didn't want to admit that I was the one in the wrong here.

"You can't let things affect you like that," he said calmly. "If you get emotionally distracted you can get hurt."

I willed myself not to sound scornful as I said, "I didn't get hurt today. They did.", but failed.

Belikov, ever so patient with me, took it in stride. "I know, but you need to learn how to channel your emotions better."

I heaved a sigh. "I don't need Zen lessons, Comrade."

He didn't seem offended by the nickname tonight, because he certainly ignored it. There was something more important for him to address. "What do you need then?"

Glancing back at him I could tell that he really meant it. He was concerned. Really concerned. Did he, too, notice the change in me? Did he no longer see the same girl he met a couple of months before? I didn't... and it scared me a little.

"I don't know what I need in the long run," I replied slowly. "But right now I could do with some sleep."

He nodded. "I'll follow you back to the dorm."

We set off.

Walking next to Dimitri had oddly enough begun to feel like the most natural thing to do. Inches apart, but he might as well be touching me already. We didn't touch though, but his skin radiated warmth from beside me and a part of me felt like reaching out to him.

"Are you excited about the dance this Saturday?"

"Haven't thought much about it," I lied. In all honesty it was something that had begun to creep itself into my mind for the past week. To go or not to go - that was the question. People probably expected me to show up.

This surprised him. "Aren't you going?"

"I don't know," I told him truthfully. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering," he said, but the tone in his voice clearly said otherwise. "You shouldn't be alone so much."

"I'm not," I countered. "Besides, you're one to talk."

He just looked at me.

"You keep yourself locked up in your room like your some kind of prisoner," I explained. "All you do is read. Doesn't it ever get lonely? And why Western, seriously?"

"Like any book, it's an escape."

I frowned. "Why would you want to escape? And from what?"

He didn't answer, but then again he didn't have to. Because I knew deep down what he meant. Because his reason to get away from all of this was the same as mine. We wanted peace in our lives, to get away from the grief that kept haunting us. No matter how hard we tried to forget about it - all but the person we mourned - we would still have it in the back of our minds, clawing at us until we couldn't take it anymore. Lissa's... _death_ would always be something I had to struggle with, the loneliness I was left to after the car accident. No longer had I someone I could run to with all my problems, a best friend I could share my woes with, but I supposed that was why I had gotten the journal. It was a substitute friend, but in comparison it didn't cut it. Far from it.

**x x x**

The next day I decided to seek out Christian. Despite my growing popularity - although, it was still sketchy - I was still short on friends, and people I could rely on. My actions that night outside his aunt's had put a dent in our already confusing friendship, and our conversation the day before had done nothing to solve anything between us. My many apologies seemed to have had no effect on him, but I still hoped that we could get over this rough patch of ours. After all, there were a few things I needed to talk to him about. Like that kiss for example.

I approached him during dinner. Having just finished my detention for the day I came into the cafeteria much later than everyone else. Most of the students had left already, but there were still some that hung around and chatted among their friends.

Christian had managed to avoid me - although I didn't think it was on purpose - all day, but was now sitting by himself, as usual, in one of the corners of the cafeteria. He looked glum and alone sitting there, kind of like an abandoned toy in a small child's bedroom. As I came closer and into view, he looked up from his half-eaten lasagna. Surprise filled his features at first, and behind it was a twinge of hope and... happiness, I noticed. But all of that disappeared just as quickly as it had come and was replaced by a frown instead.

"What do you want?" He was on the defensive immediately, but it wasn't as if I could really blame him. I'd been a real bitch to him twice now, and each time he hadn't really done anything to deserve being treated that way.

"Can I sit with you?"

He gave me a look of disbelief. "Wouldn't you rather sit with the other novices over there? I've heard you're in their good grades again after all."

"I'd rather sit here." I chanced a small smile.

He looked me over for a few moments, seeming to weigh my words. After awhile he pushed the opposite chair out with his foot, and I didn't hesitate to take the invitation and sit down.

"I'm sorry I punched you." I told him lamely, frowning as the words escaped my mouth.

His fork pierced the lasagna. "Just don't do it again."

I raised an eyebrow, or at least tried to. "Is that your way of saying you'll kiss me again?"

"I like you, Rose." He just looked at me, and I waited several seconds for him to continue but it appeared as though that was all he was going to say. I took that as a yes.

"Why?" I wondered.

"You're not like the other girls here," he said simply, yet thoughtfully. "You're better."

His iceblue eyes met mine then, burned into them, and I was immediately very aware of the limited space between us. Not in a I-want-to-get-closer kind of way, but aware in the sense that I _didn't_ want him any closer. At least not in that way.

"And you're beautiful." he concluded with a small smile.

I scoffed. "You're laying it on a little thick, Ozera."

He crossed his arms on the table and leaned in a little. "Are you going to hit me again?"

An idea hit me then. "Not if you're going with me to the dance."

He was surprised, but I could tell his mind was spinning from my words. "I wasn't planning on going."

"Me neither," I lied. "But we could go together? As friends?"

He looked hesitant, but still as if he truly considered my offer. "Sure," he finally agreed. I could tell there was still some hesitancy in him, but it was more along the lines of: _What did I just get myself into?_

I could feel the eyes of the other remaining students on us as we eventually began to eat. We ate in silence - an awkward silence - but it was still nice. Better than nothing. And I could see the corner of Christian's lips twitching at one point as if he was trying not to smile.

The dance would certainly be a night to remember.

* * *

_You like? :)_

A chapter very centered on Rose & Christian; not what you expected, eh? Well, it was necessary - to pinpoint the relationships further. Hopefully I managed to do that well - did I?^^

Like I stated in the last chapter, it's getting closer to the end - and the sequel to be uploaded. I've already written quite a few scenes; like the first time Rose and Adrian meets, and some sweet Rose & Dimitri scenes... and lots more. I can't wait for you to read it! :D

**chimney101**; Yup, there might be an alternate version of "Shadow Kiss". It depends on how "Frostbite" turns out, but there is a high possibility of a third one since the big plot is... well, BIG - yes, with capital letters. ;)

**X. KissedByADemon .X**; You're very welcome! I'm very happy to hear that I manage to inspire other people! x3 And sorry for messing up your name, but FFN is stupid sometimes.

**PLEASE READ!**; I've gotten two review from someone called "Karen", and I have to ask: _Would you have said all that to my face if you'd met me in real life? Would you say something similar to Richelle Mead if you ever got to meet her, since she makes us wait almost a year per book?_  
Not that I'm really comparing myself to Richelle, but nevertheless comments like that are very disrespectful. After all, I'm a _real_ person who's taking the time to write this stuff and upload it so you can read it FOR FREE. A _real_ person with a _real_ life behind the computer. I appreciate all the great feedback - more than you can imagine, seriously - but comments like that... yeah, I wouldn't expect you to be happy about getting those either. If comments like that is all you wanna say, then please refrain from doing so. Just don't review at all. Thanks.

**Next chapter:** The dance ;)

I hope you all will have a great weekend, and I will try to get chapter 14 up asap! ;3

Please leave a lil comment before you leave! x3


	14. Chapter 14

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

A new chapter already! I bet you're as excited about this as I am, hihi. ;3

_Just gotta say_: Oh, my lovely loyal fans! :3 Your reviews are as always wonderful and they totally make my days. Shoutouts to: ** mrs. madelaine belikov**, **Twilighternproud**, **RozaDimka**, **cuteorama**, **acr421**, **chimney101**, **Rachel-rob-Sandwich**, **X. KissedByADemon .X**, **Intyala** & **jemily23**! :D And thanks to two of my new fans (who reviewed the last chapter): **I. Live. In. A. Fairy. Tale**, **chasing down a daydream** & **I'm busy saving the world**! :D Love to all of you! And to any other fans who didn't review the last chapter, of course! x3

As usual, questions/comments I've gotten will be addressed in the AN at the bottom...

...And now onto chapter 14 and the dance...!**  
**

_Enjoy! :)_

* * *

**Chapter 14**

It started out alright. Okay. As something I could handle. The whole day was good, even the chaperoned dance we were practically obliged to go to if we wanted to have a social life next semester was fun. It was like a rite of passage, really - if you turn up, you're cool. Somewhat. Some people however, they were never cut out to be recognized as "cool" - like Christian.

His parents' past and the choice they had made - turning Strigoi willingly - would always hang over him like a constant dark cloud. It would never let up, no one would see him as "good." His sarcastic nature and the dark clothes he kept wearing didn't exactly help his reputation, but now that I'd gotten to know him a bit better I was pretty sure that it had become a form of self-preservation for him.

Keeping to yourself never hurt you.

Like I said, it started out good. But as time passed by, the night of the dance suddenly turned out to be... well, indescribable, really. It all started when Mason had approached me the day before, telling me he'd gotten his hands on alcohol. Apparently Eddie Castile - a classmate of ours - was having a party up in his room after the dance. Mason had figured – seeing as I was going back to being more "normal" a.k.a more like my old self – that maybe I was interested. And stupid, not-always-thinking me told him that I was in. I mean, what would it hurt?

But to back up a little... that morning I'd run with Belikov, just like always. We did the usual twelve laps, and when we eventually finished, we walked off towards our bags. It was part of our routine.

"Are you excited for tonight?" he wondered, taking a gulp of water from his bottle.

Thinking off the alcohol and the dancing, something I was a bit nervous about, I figured, "Yeah. I think it's gonna be a good night."

"Who are you going with?"

"Christian." I smiled. I was so going to make him show off his dance-moves.

He turned his head towards me. "You worked things out with him then?"

"Yeah. Turns out it was just a misunderstanding." I shrugged, seeing no need to go into detail. I was sure I wouldn't be able to explain the intricacies of Christian and I's friendship to him anyway.

Dimitri had said it so casually and the nod after my answer, like _of course you're going with him_, made me wonder once I met his eyes. The intensity in them confused me at the same time it sent a thrill down my spine. It surely didn't seem like it was nothing to it when he looked at me like that. And it just made me – once again – wonder what was going on in that head of his.

"Are _you_ going, Comrade?"

His eyes turned away from me and focused on the bottle he held instead. "I'll be on duty," he said evenly.

"Too bad," I told him earnestly, feeling a little disgruntled that he wouldn't be there after all. "I'd love to see your dance-moves. I bet you do a killer robot."

He laughed, and it was a nice, rich laugh that enveloped the air around us, as he looked back up at me. It was the kind of laugh that made you want to laugh, too, even if you didn't find whatever it was funny. The corners of my lips tugged and I very much wanted to grin and share that laugh with him, but I was also sure of what his next words would be - somewhat at least. He would decline either way, and I wasn't sure if my pokerface was good enough to withhold the disappointment I would surely feel if I allowed myself to feel too much excitement at the mere prospect of dancing with him, only to then be rejected. Wearing my heart on my sleeve wasn't something I was interested in doing.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I won't have any time for dancing." His words only confirmed what I already knew, of course, and despite the amused tone to his voice, it didn't help my mood one bit.

We were a lost cause; I knew that already. And hell, it wasn't as if I had any real proof that he loved me or had any kind of romantic feelings towards me at all. Despite all the clues I thought I noticed time and time again, it might as well be one-sided.

"I could save the last dance for you, once you get off?" I offered with a small smile, but the look he gave me told me that it wasn't going to happen. I knew the answer, and I knew it would hurt, but it still wasn't until his next words came that my hope really fell.

"I don't think it would be appropriate, Rose." I had the tiniest feeling that the words came with some reluctance; that he wished things were different for us. Or so it seemed to me at least; that's how my mind chose to interpret it. "After all, I'm your teacher."

My heart tugged uncomfortably by his dismissal, but I played it cool - or at least tried to seem unaffected by it. Not really meeting his eyes, I shrugged and tried to be brave. "Who cares what they think."

He didn't say a word, he only kept looking at me. It was as if he studied me, but it was also as if he was thinking about something at the same time. I desperately wondered what that was.

After another moment of tense silence, he decided to look away. "I have to go. I'll see you later, Roza."

That word again... that one word... the word that kept me thinking I wasn't just imagining this, that what was going on between the two of us was real after all. _Roza_. He almost made it sound like a prayer. My heart leapt.

His voice was low, but still powerful. Full of a softness only he seemed to be able to pull off. He always looked larger than life, like he was invincible, but sometimes he looked so much like the opposite of all that. This was one of those rare times.

Dimitri began to walk away, and I watched how his back moved further and further away from me. I hesitated, and I could feel how my heart tugged beneath my chest from every step that he took. A step and a tug, a step and a tug. It made me grasp the bottle I was holding even harder, if only to feel some kind of wholeness. To be sure of something.

Time was slipping by us - second after second - and I wanted desperately to call out after him, say something - _anything_ - but the words kept getting stuck on the tip of my tongue. But after what felt like an eternity, the words finally came tumbling out, "See you on the dancefloor, Comrade!"

As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I regretted them, feeling stupid for even doing it. Saying anything. He probably hadn't heard me anyway. And what was the point? He still wouldn't dance with me.

But then a miracle happened, and he turned his head around. It was brief, and I hoped to god my eyes weren't decieving me in that moment because I was sure I could see a smile lighting up that beautiful face.

My heart jumped with joy, and I spent the rest of that Saturday lounging around in my room, in a brighter mood than I had been in before. I wrote to Lissa after I'd come back from the tracks and the shower afterwards, since I wouldn't have the time later on because of the dance.

**Dear Liss,**

**Things really are okay now. I'd even dare say they're good. I know I told you last week that I was feeling a little down, especially because Christian kept "avoiding" me. We've worked things out now, and you won't believe what he did! He kissed me! As in K.I.S.S.E.D! I know you'd be shocked if you were here now. Who would have guessed he could feel anything like that, huh? He likes me, he said that afterwards. I still find it hard to wrap my head around it, but I guess I try not to think about it too much. We're friends again at least, and that's what really counts.**

**He's taking me to the dance tonight, and I can't help but feel excited. I wonder if Dimitri will be there. He said he'd be on duty, so I'm not really sure if I'll see him or not. I hope he shows up though - maybe he's one of the chaperones?**

**Anywho, I still don't know what to wear. I wish you were here, you'd know what to do. All I got is an old summerdress, but I suppose it'll have to do unless I show up in a pair of skinny jeans and a tank? Hmm. I'll have to think about it.**

**He called me Roza again. And he seemed disappointed when I told him I'd worked things out with Christian, and that we're going together tonight. I don't know what to make of it all. My heart says he feels the same way, but my mind keep saying differently. That I'm only a student to him.**

**Why can't you be here, Liss? I want to tell someone all about it, for real. Not keep it to this notebook. I wanna let it all out, because it feels like it's eating at me. Eating me alive. I want to do something, but I know I can't. I don't even have proof, only theories. And theories only get you so far.**

**I have to do something. Soon. Or else I fear I'll lose my mind. Not only because of the Dimitri-thing or the Christian-thing, as you know. But because of that other thing, which I try to get out of my head. It doesn't do any good thinking about it, really.**

**Even if it feels real, it has to be my imagination, and now I have to go back to reality. And start thinking about what to wear tonight.  
**

**Love you xx  
**

**x x x**

"You look amazing." Christian told me when he showed up that night. I'd gone with the red summerdress after all, leaving my hair down and around my shoulders. Accessory-wise I only had a ring around my right index finger. It wasn't anything special, really, despite his flattering words.

He was standing just outside my room, eyes just a little wider than normal and a kind of stunned overall look on his face. He'd come to get me before the dance seeing as we were going there together. Just as friends, though I suspected he saw this as something more. Or the potential of it.

"You, too." I smiled as I let him in. He was wearing a black button-up shirt with the top buttons undone, matching it with a pair of black jeans. He pulled the look off very nicely and my eyes couldn't help but like what they saw. He definitely looked Royal in that attire, even if it wasn't too dressy.

I hadn't gotten around to putting on lipgloss yet and went back to my vanity mirror to get it done. Christian waited patiently - or so it seemed at least - next to me. As I screwed the lid back on on the little tube, I smacked my lips and turned to him.

Time to go.

His face lit up just a little as my arm loped around his and I could feel the excitement in the air. This would be a night to remember.

"Are we ready, my lady?" he wondered.

Without another word being said, I pulled him out of my room and started leading us over to the cafeteria where the dance was to be held. From a distance you could hear the music emanating from the speakers inside, and another wave of excitement wafted through the cold air outside.

Out on the quad, as we defied the early winter setting, we ran into Dimitri. He seemed to be on his way to the guardians' quarters, leaving the dance behind him - had he already been on duty? Did he just get off?

My heart leapt at seeing him there, feeling a thrill as I remembered that morning. Maybe I would get to dance with him after all. But it was quickly crushed as he walked past us with only a polite nod in our direction. Not a word. Barely even a glance.

"Are you okay?" I heard Christian say then, and as I turned to look at him, I noticed how he was looking a little concerned. It was then that I realized I had stopped in my tracks after Dimitri had passed us, and that I had been silent for more than a couple of seconds. Of course Christian was concerned, or at least confused by my actions.

Shaking my head, I tried to regain my composure. "Yeah. I'm fine." I forced a smile on my face, hoping my inner turmoil wouldn't boil over and ruin our night. I owed him that much. So I looked Christian over again, and a thought struck me then: _He's still here_. It was an odd thought, kind of random, but in that moment it made perfect sense to me.

A smile crept onto my face as I continued to look at Christian. He certainly was handsome tonight. He had the faintest pink glow on his cheeks, hardly visible if you didn't look closely, and it made me happy to get that reaction out of him. Even if it was only because of the weather.

"Come on," I told him, tightening my hold on his arm.

We got to the dance, and as expected, there were mostly underclassmen out on the dancefloor. The really "cool" people kept themselves away from there, hanging around in their respective cliques. As soon as Christian and I stepped inside, and people slowly realized who'd just shown up together, there were immediately more chatter in each and every clique. Gossip. Also expected.

And Mason came through. He found me almost immediately, seeming to take it in good nature who I'd brought with me. So within twenty minutes of the dance I'd already helped myself twice to the small stash they kept on hand before the real party up in Eddie's room started. Christian took only one drink - from my can - and he got a pat on the back for it by one of the guys in the group. No one besides me in the small group we were currently in - consisting of mostly dhampirs, a.k.a my fellow classmates - was giving Christian much acknowledgment, and it made me feel bad. He only came because of me after all.

"May I have this dance?" I wondered at one point as I recognized one of my favorite songs had started playing. This was after my third can of cider._  
_

A small frown appeared on Christian's face as he glanced from me to the dancefloor. Gyrating bodies and loud ear-thumping music. Not his scene at all. "I don't know, Rose..."

"Please?" I insisted, holding out my hands toward him.

He eyed me for a moment, but I didn't wait for him to give in by his own volition. Christian obviously wasn't much for dancing - I wasn't surprised since he obviously weren't one of the most popular students at the school. He always kept to himself if he wasn't talking to me. But even if he wasn't one for dancing, I still managed to get him up a few times.

I twirled him around, managing to elicit a smile from him. He was pretty stiff in the beginning, barely moving and therefore leaving me to dance around him, but after awhile he began to relax a little. He even took the initiative once, taking hold of my hand and bringing me closer to him. My breathing was cut off almost instantly when I felt his warm body up against mine, but I didn't have time to adjust at all before he was gone again. To my surprise it suddenly felt like he was yards away even if it were mere inches.

We stayed at the dance until about three-four in the morning, which was like ten in the evening for humans. The dance had been better than I'd first thought it'd be, and I expected Eddie's party to put the cherry on top.

"I've had a really good time tonight," I told him while we were walking beside one another on our way to the dhampir dorm.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I smiled. And it was the truth. I'd had fun with him, dancing and laughing along with my classmates - although he didn't really laugh _with_ us. I more suspected that it was _at_ them from his point of view. But we still had fun and the atmosphere remained light throughout the night.

Even at Eddie's party the air had stayed the same. It surprised me only a little that they took to Christian - the way anyone could - the way they did. They didn't shun him or make him feel like an outsider at all, but I suspected it was mostly due to the way us dhampirs always had an easy-going way of living. But the alcohol could have played a part, too, of course.

The alcohol continued to flow and most of us got pretty damn affected as the night progressed. Mason got hammered, as did Ryan. Neither of those two could hold their liquor well, which made the rest of the party only laugh harder at their stupidity. But then again, we were all more or less wasted. Except for Christian, that is.

I hadn't drunk that much in all honesty, but it had still gone to my head. If I'd been sober I probably would have felt bad for Christian who was left to take me back to my room afterwards.

"Want me to take you to bed?" I wondered, my words just on the verge of being slurred. At the time I didn't realize how utterly wrong that sounded. Of course I'd meant if he wanted me to take him back to his dorm.

"I'm sure that's the alcohol talking," he murmured, tightening his hold on me just so he wouldn't accidentally drop me on my face. "But I'll find my way back on my own, don't worry."

"I'm a guardian," I protested. "It's my thing!"

"Not yet you aren't," he countered, not at all convinced by my drunken logic. There was a tint of amusement in his voice. "Besides, you've been drinking. I'm sure I'd kick more ass than you right now."

I hit him playfully on the arm. "Hey!"

This was where things went haywire - from a good night to the undescribable part of it. And right, I forgot to mention the saddest part of the whole night. While Christian's eyes had been on me most of the night, mine hadn't exactly always been on him. Instead I had found myself admiring Jesse Zeklos - the most popular guy at school - across the room, and he had met my gaze a few times. And each time they'd been more or less asking me to join him and his friends.

I hadn't. He came over instead, now.

I wasn't sure why I had been more or less flirting with Jesse when I'd had Christian by my side. Maybe it was nerves. Maybe it was because I was a little drunk. Maybe neither was the real reason at all.

"Hey, Rose," Jesse smiled as he glided up to us when we'd just exited the dhampir dorm. Even if I couldn't follow Christian back, we still needed some fresh air. From my point of view Jesse had shown up out of nowhere, as had his posse - they were waiting for him further out on the quad, close to the Moroi dorm. He rested a hand on my waist, a seductive tone to his voice.

"Hi," I returned the easy smile.

"I was just wondering where you'd disappeared off to... You wanna come over to Camille's? We were just heading over there."

Before I could answer him, a fist suddenly appeared out of nowhere and connected with Jesse's chin. Thanks to the alcohol in my system, my mind wasn't really up to speed. Mind spinning, I turned to see Christian standing next to me, fuming.

Where had he come from?

"Heeey, Christian!" I grinned at him, and just as I was about to toss my arm around him, someone snatched him away from me. Feeble, and a little slurred, protests escaped my lips until I realized – a moment later- that the ones who were escorting him away were guardians.

Oh...

It had been Christian who punched Jesse.

Why did he do that?

Feeling disgruntled, and alone, I looked down to see Jesse starting to get up. And he had a bloody nose. It so wasn't attractive; I started giggling. A few of his friends - Ralf Sarcozy, one of the biggest jerks on the planet, among them - rushed over and helped him to his feet.

"He's a pyscho!" Jesse wailed, looking around at all the people - a.k.a his posse and some stray classmates of ours - closeby. "Did you see what he just did?"

They all nodded, except for the dhampirs who remained stonefaced and just observed the whole scene. But none of that mattered to me, I only had eyes for Christian now. Where had they taken him? Back to his room, or in the worst case scenario, to Kirova? They couldn't expell him for punching someone, could they?

From somewhere nearby I could hear an authoritative voice call out and ordered to break "this" up. I guessed our "fight" had attracted attention. Before I had much time to think over it, a strong arm gripped my arm and began to drag me away from the scene.

"Hey!" I protested a little late, for the first time noticing the other two guardians. "Where are you taking me?"

"Be quiet." One of them said. An older male guardian with grey-ish hair.

"He's not on duty," The female guardian said. She was only a few years older than me, I noticed, and she didn't have any _molnijas_ yet. Her neck was completely bare if you didn't count the promise mark. "He can deal with her in the morning."

"She's his student. His responsibility." The other guardian muttered. He seemed remarkably grumpy. "Better do it now than later, when it's too late."

The rest of the walk was spent in silence. They led me to the guardians' quarters, a place I'd never been in before. Drunk me was already lost. Even directions wouldn't help me find my way out of here alone. We walked past the receptionist and continued towards where they all resided, including the two guardians who were escorting me to God-knows-where.

My mind had already gone blank when we eventually stopped walking. It seemed as if we'd arrived at wherever as we were standing in front of a door. I had a vague feeling they'd just led me to Alberta.

They knocked on the door and stepped back.

A couple of seconds later, the door opened. Instead of Alberta, Dimitri was standing there in only a pair of gray pajama bottoms. His hair was a little ruffled and his eyes were slightly unfocused. There was only one light lit behind him, and it seemed as if he'd just been dragged out of bed.

"Rose?" His eyes sharpened at the sight of me, awake with surprise. Then his eyes turned towards the guardians behind me. "What's going on here?"

"Heeey, Dimitri," I smiled lazily.

"Sorry to disturb you like this," The male guardian began, but judging by the tone he used it was obvious that he wasn't sorry at all. "But we figured you'd want to deal with her."

Dimitri scratched his head, looking a little tired. "I'm off duty."

"That's what I said," The other - female and younger - guardian piped up quietly from behind.

My god glanced from the two of them to me. It took a moment for him to answer, and I wondered what he thought - or saw for that matter - then as he said, "It's fine. I'll take care of her."

"Good," the male guardian said. And then he just let go off my arm and turned to walk away. The girl followed his lead. "You need to train your students better, Belikov. Can't have them slacking when exams are approaching."

Dimitri's eyebrows furrowed a little, but he didn't say anything. He only gave a small nod in the man's direction as if to say he understood what he was saying.

A part of my mind wondered what their problem was, what their relationship to one another was (both Dimitri vs. the old man and the old man and the girl together), but then they left and I was left alone with my impossible crush. And any and all thoughts of other guardians than Dimitri disappeared just like that. As if they hadn't been the ones who had led me to him; as if they had never existed.

Only he did.

"You're drunk," he stated the obvious as he shut the door behind us.

"I know I am," I smiled contentedly as I wobbled over to the small black loveseat he had in the room. It was the only comfortable thing to sit on as far as I could see, apart from the bed of course.

"I saw you before," he said slowly, watching me go with furrowed eyebrows. "What happened?"

"Dimitri," I purred – or rather, slurred – as I plopped down on the sofa. "I'm so drunk right now I can barely think."

He didn't say anything, instead I heard him move away from me. _What the-?_ But then a second later I heard something running - water, my mind realized - and his approaching steps.

"Here you go, Roza." He'd gotten me a glass of water. "Drink this."

I tried to take it from his hands as he sat down next to me, but before I could get a firm grip, it slipped out of my hands. The glass didn't break, but water cascaded onto both of our laps and onto the floor. It looked like both of us had had "accidents".

"Whoops!" I couldn't help but giggle.

"It's okay," Dimitri said patiently. Almost a little too patiently. "I'll just get you a new one."

He got up from the sofa, but not before he'd made sure I wouldn't be a harm to myself or any other of his possessions, and then headed off into his bathroom again. He couldn't have been gone longer than five or ten seconds, but to drunk me it felt like an eternity. When he came back to sit beside me, he had another glass of water with him.

Thankfully there were no further accidents, and I gulped down the water as best I could. Dimitri did a couple of trips to refill my glass after that, but at the time my mind didn't really register any of them. Suddenly he would be gone and I would feel melancholic at the loss of his nearness. And I kept drinking the water like the alcohol I'd consumed during the party. Kept gulping it all down.

At some point, after I was done drinking all that water, I slumped towards Dimitri. He was a little stiff at first, as I rested my head against his upper arm. But he eventually relaxed and put that arm around me instead. It felt so safe, like I was wrapped into a warm and soft blanket. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Him and me, together.

"I'm tired," I yawned into his warm, bare chest. I could hear his heart beating a thumping melody underneath me, a melody more appealing to me than any other song in the world. A melody I could listen to any day and never in my wildest dreams grow tired of.

"Shh." My eyes fluttered close and I contented myself with just drinking in the scent of his heated skin. He began to speak softly in another language, which I figured was Russian. I didn't understand a word of what he whispered to me, but it sounded almost like a lullaby. One of his hands began to stroke my hair.

If my mind had been operating normally I wouldn't have landed myself in this situation, and seeing how things were, I didn't regret anything of the night. Because otherwise I wouldn't have been in Dimitri's arms, against his bare chest, and I wouldn't have heard him whispering softly into my hair.

* * *

_Oh my, I like? ;)_

Hihi, yeah, what did Rose get herself into just now? And what's going to happen once she wakes up? Will she remember anything from the night or will it just be barely-existent memories in the back of her head?

So... this was my take on the night of the lust-charm. If you hadn't noticed already, certain scenes in this story have been interpreted from the book(s) to fit into this Rose's world. Having no Lissa around sure changes things. I almost don't know which night I prefer - passion (book) or sweetness (this story)?

Two chapters to go and then we have the epilogue. Remember, outtakes with Dimitri's POV... let me know which ones you want and I'll get to work on them asap! :)

**RozaDimka**; Yes, Adrian will be coming into the story in the sequel, but if he will be in the love triangle or not? Read and find out is all I can say! ;3

**acr421**; Thank you so much! And it's much better now than back then. :)

**I. Live. In. A. Fairy. Tale**; And I'm being redundant when I get as excited as I do when I read your newest review, because going professional is what I'm intending to do ASAP. :3 I had a goal that I would finish my first book before I turned 20, but it's now less than a month 'til then (August 30th), so it seems a little impossible right now... but I'm still working on it - on several ideas even. My mind is constantly on overload, haha. It's kinda stressful, but still amazingly fun!

**chimney101**; Haha, thank you so much! I, too, hail the person who first came up with the concept of books - they make life much more fun, but most of all bearable! To even think if books hadn't existed, we'd have no Rose or Dimitri _or_ Adrian... and my mind would have exploded from all the plot ideas I keep getting. And I'm happy you're so excited about the sequel(s?)! :D

**I'm busy saving the world**; Thank you so much! It's really humbling to "hear" that! :3 I really wanna be an engaged author - even when I go professional. I wanna meet all of my fans - hell, I'd love to hang out with y'all even! I've had a little experience with it already, since I've actually befriended one of the fans of this story in real life, too. It's a little strange to discuss this story for example, to be honest, but it's been really great anyway! :D

Epic Monday (at least for me, kind of - new True Blood episode, VA polls, Adrian book-trailer) is over, as well as Awesome Tuesday (finally got around to see last week's episode of Pretty Little Liars!). Today is No-Words Wednesday (ADRIAN'S CHAPTER OF BLOODLINES! + Eddie's weekly quote + new PLL episode)... I hope the rest of the week will be great for y'all! :D

Please leave a lil comment before you go! Would be appreciated immensely... x3

**PS.** I've seen that _Spotify_ has been launched in the US now - we already had it over here - and I've created playlists for both _ISOP and its sequel_, along with a playlist for _Before It's Too Late_ (if you're a fan of it, too)... if you're interested to have a listen, let me know! And if you haven't got Spotify yet... I suppose I could give away, let's say, _5 invites for 5 lucky fans_? ;)

**Spotify currently exist in:** Sweden (where I'm from), Norway, Finland, the UK, France, Spain, the Netherlands and now the US. If you live in one of those countries and haven't got Spotify yet... well, let me know! Maybe I should create a contest concerning the invites - what do you think?


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